How would you handle this?

[wvmystichrome]

I am at odds with myself and my wife. I am not much on asking for advice on the net but I know the majority of the people on here are honest, straight up and I just need some answers.

My wife's ex-brother-in-law just passed away. They want us to attend the funeral as family as if he was still a big part of the family. Which he was not after my sister-in-law died 6 years ago. I am really having a hard time dealing with this and my wife is being pressured by her 4 sisters to go as family because that's what he would have wanted. I really can't.

This man crapped on me and my wife so bad years ago that we never really spoke a lot afterwards. My wife worked for her sister for 23 1/2 years and then for this man another 2 years, after her death, before he crapped on her again. This man talked to me so bad 28 years ago had I been the man I am today I would have probably hurt him, badly. He said things to me no one had said before or since. Same for my wife.

My question is: Do you go and act like nothing ever happened and play all nice, nice? Do you go and make an appearance, for his kids sake, who are in their 30s and 40s, and then leave. I am at ends especially since I have seen my sister-in-laws shame my wife into thinking she has to go and that everything he did was good. I just don't know what to do. My heart says stay away, but my mind says people are dictating that I HAVE to go.

Thanks in advance.

 

[tradewife4SVT]

Me personally I would not be going there is no need to subject yourself and your wife to that. As for the sisters tell them to piss off sometimes it can be hard for wifes to stand up to their family and thats where its time for you to take change and say no. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Dusten]

I don't let family pressure me into shit that I am not ok with. I also am pretty good at cutting ties when I am shit on though.

 

[TK Doom]

Not knowing the extent of the crapping on...I would say be the bigger man, go and make an appearance.

 

[Fox-4]

This is kinda of a tough one, on one hand if I was in your wife's shoes I'd probably go just and hang out in the back to dance on his headstone if I had the chance but on the other hand I'd fake out some excuse to her family about work or whatever and not go at all. Just because the man died doesn't mean he gets a auto-forgive from your or your wife.

 

[08KR525]

I would probably make an appearance for the family's sake as long as you or your wife isn't having any real issues with them . That way they're happy and you get to say bye to the the SOB one last time.

 

[Uncle Meat]

The dude is dead. Let the petty family squabbles go. Be the better man and pay your respects. Nobody is asking you to get up and perform the eulogy for the guy. If you and your wife attending will make other family members "happy"" then do it... it's no sweat off of your 'nards at this point.

U.M.

 

[Rainmaker]

I wouldn't go

 

[RedRocketMike]

Get the last laugh, skip it, and if anyone asks say it's because you never liked him.

 

[STAMPEDE3]

The dude is dead. Let the petty family squabbles go. Be the better man and pay your respects. Nobody is asking you to get up and perform the eulogy for the guy. If you and your wife attending will make other family members "happy"" then do it... it's no sweat off of your 'nards at this point.

U.M.

That's the way I see things like this.
Just isn't worth it to cause any shit.
Life is too short to hold grudges or stress over petty shit.

 

[EatonEggbeater]

I'd compromise by showing up drunk, or at the very least: hungover.

Seriously, look at both choices and determine what you feel would be best for the future.

 

[Sinister04L]

The dude is dead. Let the petty family squabbles go. Be the better man and pay your respects. Nobody is asking you to get up and perform the eulogy for the guy. If you and your wife attending will make other family members "happy"" then do it... it's no sweat off of your 'nards at this point.

U.M.

Pretty much this. Just go, make your appearance, then take off. That way the family doesn't have anything to hang over your or your wife's head.

 

[03cobra#694]

Going to agree with UM also. Kinda have a similar deal going on, but no one has died.

 

[Mentos]

Go only if you think he would go to your funeral.



....seriously though, just go and play nice with everyone.

 

[silver03svt]

Friends come and go in life.....family is forever. Make an appearance, and split as soon as you can.

 

[CobraBob]

I only have to ask one question. Would your ex-brother-in-law's family appreciate your appearance? I would bet the answer to that question would be YES. So I would go solely out of respect for his family. In varying degrees they are suffering the loss of a family member. Your being there will help them with their loss to some degree, and it will be appreciated by his family.

Lastly, IMO this is one of those "should-I or shouldn't-I" life situations where going is the better/right thing to do.

 

[DMassey]

I would go. Funerals are just as much to comfort the family, as they are to show "respect" to the deceased. Just because you show up doesn't have to mean all is forgiven or forgotten. But it does show that you guys are there for your/her family in their time of need. Just hang around the sisters/family, to help them; you don't even need to go to the casket... unless you just wanna make sure for yourself he's dead oke:

 

[R.D.P.]

You don't want to be that guy at a time like this, it will only provide ammo to people that would like to characterize you in a negative way. Smart move is to just play along, go with the flow and do the minimum needed to put this in the rear view. It's pretty much how I approach getting through Christmas every year being around family I don't want to be around.

 

[WireEater]

I think when someone dies, you need to let go and forgive (unless it's over some heinous acts) , pay your respects as and move on. Just because you guys didn't get a long, there will be other people there who did get a long, and may have respected him, including some of your family. I don't think the past is worth damaging the future (relationship with family) if you don't let go of your pride. It can be hard but it could also help you bury those feelings when you see him being buried.

 

[HISSMAN]

I treat funerals for people I don't care about like drugs. I just say no.