How would you handle this?

[MFE]

I just attended my MIL's funeral. She and her husband were best friends with another family for decades, like vacation together, godparents, etc, but at some point a few years ago the other family woman got really ****y and stopped talking to my MIL. The only one of that family that showed up for any of the services, after a decades-long best friendship, was one of their sons. Would have been nice if one or both of the adults would have been there for my FIL.

Funerals aren't for the dead, they're for the living survivors. Decide accordingly.

 

[Weather Man]

Not a chance. Screw them for not having the decency to respect your choice.

 

[VerySneaky]

One half of me says screw them, the other half of me says go and dance on his grave.

 

[James Snover]

I would say don't go. The thing is, if your wife's family is pressuring her to do this, and you don't, they'll get mad at you. On the other hand, if they don't get mad at you for this, they will probably get mad at you sooner or later over something else because from what you have described they sound a bit on the manipulative side. So just get it established now, up front: you won't let them push you around or guilt you into doing things you don't want to do. If they can't understand your reasons for not wanting to go, then they don't really care much about you and your wife, so who needs them, anyway?

 

[99cobrablack]

Sounds like he died to you years ago

 

[Almighty-One]

The dude is dead. Let the petty family squabbles go. Be the better man and pay your respects. Nobody is asking you to get up and perform the eulogy for the guy. If you and your wife attending will make other family members "happy"" then do it... it's no sweat off of your 'nards at this point.

U.M.

This, especially if his family would appreciate considering it seems they never id anything wrong towards you

 

[Screw-Rice]

I don't let family pressure me into shit that I am not ok with. I also am pretty good at cutting ties when I am shit on though.

This is the point I've reached. I have come to realize that I just don't care to tolerate shitty people, and feel zero obligations towards them.

Get the last laugh, skip it, and if anyone asks say it's because you never liked him.

Not sure if serious, but I've done this. Have skipped functions or get together's and when asked why, I'm honest. I've yet to have anyone give me flak over doing this. People tend to get judgmental when you give an "excuse" as to why you didn't show, but if you're upfront, it's harder to be mad at someone.

 

[RedRocketMike]

Not sure if serious, but I've done this. Have skipped functions or get together's and when asked why, I'm honest. I've yet to have anyone give me flak over doing this. People tend to get judgmental when you give an "excuse" as to why you didn't show, but if you're upfront, it's harder to be mad at someone.

I was serious, you are right, he can't give a BS excuse if doesn't go. It sounds like OP and his wife ate shit from this guy for about two decades and he is resenting it at this point in his life. Going is almost like a another defeat.

 

[FourSixPony]

I wouldn't go to anyone's funeral who was a complete dick to me, family or not. Blood doesn't mean shit then.

 

[SonicDTR]

I wouldnt go. I do not force myself to do shit like that anymore. Wife needs to tell her sisters off too.

 

[GT Premi]

...

My wife's ex-brother-in-law...

This man crapped on me and my wife...

I have seen my sister-in-laws shame my wife into thinking she has to go...

Read the quoted parts. That's your answer. If it was me, the only reason I'd be going was to help throw dirt in his face. Otherwise, screw 'em all.

 

[Sinister04L]

If you have hate in your heart, let it out.

 

[03Sssnake]

Send get well soon balloons and flowers to the funeral home....

 

[nxhappy]

That's the way I see things like this.
Just isn't worth it to cause any shit.
Life is too short to hold grudges or stress over petty shit.

so much this.

Just let it go man. He's dead, the bullshit is over with. Just go to the funeral. It will be over in a few hours and you will forget about it.

 

[wvmystichrome]

I appreciate everyone's responses. Yes, Cobrabob he would probably show up at mine and I know his kids would probably appreciate it. My wife and I have already been at odds over it today but I manned up and walked away and told her to do what she thinks is best. I am going to the visitation but not showing up to walk in as family.

 

[Fox-4]

Send get well soon balloons and flowers to the funeral home....

I chuckled... Much dark humour

 

[Screw-Rice]

I was serious, you are right, he can't give a BS excuse if doesn't go. It sounds like OP and his wife ate shit from this guy for about two decades and he is resenting it at this point in his life. Going is almost like a another defeat.

Right, I'd be very clear the guy was a POS and owe him nothing, and wont be attending.
I lol'd at the get well balloon suggestion.
I guess I see "letting it go" different than some. Once I found out he was dead, any and all thoughts/concerns would cease. For me, attending the service of someone who treated you that bad would only rehash all those feelings...unless you think they might let you slap around the corpse, then I might go.

 

[oldmodman]

Someone said show up drunk.

And to that I would add. If it's an open coffin when you go up to it to pay your respects. Barf in it.

If that doesn't stop funeral invitations, nothing will.

 

[RedRocketMike]

OP, just stop by and say you came to make sure he was dead, then leave.

 

[Screw-Rice]

OP, just stop by and say you came to make sure he was dead, then leave.

:lol:
I lol'd hard at that.