I went above and beyond. It's hard not to.
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the rich: helping the family
- Thread starter nxhappy
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There are very few people like yourself. Unfortunately idiots make us rethink what we do and why.
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You just described my family, except I don't think one has ever asked the other at all.
I grew up with 2 cousins my age. 1 is 2 years older, 1 in 1 year younger. The older one grew up poor, never went to college, and living in the midwest, just took a manufacturing, factory job. He met a girl, 3 kids, bought a house, had it go into foreclosure, wife left, and now he's single, renting an apartment at just under 40 years old, probably making about 40K. He almost missed out grandma's funeral because he car broke down. My younger cousin grew up a more middle class life, college, med school, and makes 400K as a private practice obgyn while his wife pulls 200K+ as a medical equipment sales rep. 400K house paid off, brand new loaded Navigator, 2002ish Porsche 911, something his wife drives, and he had a deposit on a 2019 Porsche Panamera till the dealership called him saying they were closing so another dealer, 90 miles away would be taking care of him. He said no thanks and walked. I think he was looking at 2019 BMW M5s last we talked about a month ago, or also something Mercedes.
So yeah, pretty opposite in terms of finances.
I grew up with 2 cousins my age. 1 is 2 years older, 1 in 1 year younger. The older one grew up poor, never went to college, and living in the midwest, just took a manufacturing, factory job. He met a girl, 3 kids, bought a house, had it go into foreclosure, wife left, and now he's single, renting an apartment at just under 40 years old, probably making about 40K. He almost missed out grandma's funeral because he car broke down. My younger cousin grew up a more middle class life, college, med school, and makes 400K as a private practice obgyn while his wife pulls 200K+ as a medical equipment sales rep. 400K house paid off, brand new loaded Navigator, 2002ish Porsche 911, something his wife drives, and he had a deposit on a 2019 Porsche Panamera till the dealership called him saying they were closing so another dealer, 90 miles away would be taking care of him. He said no thanks and walked. I think he was looking at 2019 BMW M5s last we talked about a month ago, or also something Mercedes.
So yeah, pretty opposite in terms of finances.
some people can't be helped, anything you give them is just a bridge to the next disaster. If you provide financial assistance it's the same as walking into a casino - it's gotta be money you're equally ok with just lighting on fire.
Having been burned recently giving money to a friend I would say no.
This...
Family business here, grandfather started it. Four kids, my dad was the only one of the four involved, but grampa was generous and gave to all four kids.
He passed in 1997, then grandma died in 1999.
Two of the four kids say “so what’s it worth and when we selling?”
My dad and his sister, who respected the blood and sweat and sacrifices my grandfather had made for the family, bought out the other two siblings.
Got appraisals, settled on a figure each, and bought them out.
Now twenty years later business is doing best it ever has, and every now and then I hear grumblings from my aunt and uncle that they should have stayed in it, but they wanted the fast cash back in 1999.
Sorry, not sorry lol
He passed in 1997, then grandma died in 1999.
Two of the four kids say “so what’s it worth and when we selling?”
My dad and his sister, who respected the blood and sweat and sacrifices my grandfather had made for the family, bought out the other two siblings.
Got appraisals, settled on a figure each, and bought them out.
Now twenty years later business is doing best it ever has, and every now and then I hear grumblings from my aunt and uncle that they should have stayed in it, but they wanted the fast cash back in 1999.
Sorry, not sorry lol
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"If helping someone doesn't actually help someone, then it wasn't truly help."
It used to be "give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish, and he'll eat for the rest of his life." Nowadays, it's "give a man a fish and he'll keep coming back. Offer to teach a man to fish, and he'll go find someone else who will give him one instead."
11 years ago, I started helping someone who got laid off from his job. I pulled some strings, called in favors, and got him an interview where I worked at the time. I coached him on the interview, who he'd be interviewing with, even offered to take him clothes shopping. The day of the interview, he showed up with torn gym pants, a ratty t-shirt, and flip-flops. My boss pointed at the door before the guy even reached for a handshake. If someone can't get out of their own way, "Helping" them may only be enabling.
It used to be "give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish, and he'll eat for the rest of his life." Nowadays, it's "give a man a fish and he'll keep coming back. Offer to teach a man to fish, and he'll go find someone else who will give him one instead."
11 years ago, I started helping someone who got laid off from his job. I pulled some strings, called in favors, and got him an interview where I worked at the time. I coached him on the interview, who he'd be interviewing with, even offered to take him clothes shopping. The day of the interview, he showed up with torn gym pants, a ratty t-shirt, and flip-flops. My boss pointed at the door before the guy even reached for a handshake. If someone can't get out of their own way, "Helping" them may only be enabling.
I'm a pretty big fan of Dave Ramsey. I think his general advice is really good and safe for most people. After listening to him for a while, I would say that buying them some type of financial education course (like Dave Ramseys) would be the only thing I would do in this situation.
I don't mind helping people that are truly trying to get it together. "BUT" If I was to loan them money there is stipulations. First I need to know what you're going to do with the money.
Second. I need a payment plan to get repaid. And it is known that I will never loan another cent unless the payment plan is adhered to.
Lastly I would only loan small amounts that I am willing to lose.
Chances are they'll never pay you back and they'll be out of your life for good.
Second. I need a payment plan to get repaid. And it is known that I will never loan another cent unless the payment plan is adhered to.
Lastly I would only loan small amounts that I am willing to lose.
Chances are they'll never pay you back and they'll be out of your life for good.
I would bet money that most of these leaches identify as democrats and cant wait to get on the government sugar tit.
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Tell said family member that they need to change their situation. You did not put them where they are; they did. They need to get themselves out of it. Maybe their wife needs to leave them.
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he did everything in his power NOT to work. Literally worked 30 days in 2 YEARS. Now he's on unemployment. Then continues to complain why he's not getting any free money . WTF....are you serious ?! I don't think his family is struggling at all. And even if he is, there are PLENTY of toys to sell. Not to mention a house that would sell for 400-500k. If his family is struggling he needs to get a job. He's not even close to retirement age.
Do not reward or encourage laziness. If he’s fully capable of working on his own it’s on him.
Pick your poison.
Pick your poison.
I'd make them give me some collateral possession to hold if they wanted some money. Reminds me of my little brother. He's 36, still lives with my dad, and doesn't work. If he was to add all his employment history together, it wouldn't amount to 12 months. I loaned him about $300 a couple years ago and got a gun from him that wasn't really worth that just trying to help him out. We had a understanding that when he paid the $ back, he received the gun back. I'm starting to think that all I did was buy a gun from him at this point in time since I still have it. It's kind of like being a pawn shop.
hes asking for free money lol. Because of the "rich" factor. Despite free dinners, free alcohol, free hotels, etc etc.
A former coworker was a walking financial disaster. I'll skip telling you multiple examples, but at one point another coworker bought her a Dave Ramsey book. 2 weeks later he asked her if she had gotten to it at all. She said the first couple chapters made a lot of sense. He asked her what the first chapter was on. She couldn't answer. She never read it. That was towards the point everyone recognized she was beyond help.
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