the rich: helping the family

[nxhappy]

hypothetical situation :

You are rich. Making a good amount of money each month. Let's say $200,000. Your family member is a ship wreck. Barely holds a job. Makes $30k a year. Makes TONS of excuses NOT to work . Workers comp claims, health claims, child claims, unemployment. You name it, this person does it ....just for the free ride. At this point, said family member resigns from work and is unemployed. But you love the family member. You grew up watching them.

After this point...the family member comes to you. And complains about money, and why you won't "help them". what do you do ?

In my eyes... This is ****ing America. You CAN come from the slums and become a millionaire. You can't expect to have others pay for EVERYTHING (unless you are a democrat or Bernie Sanders freak LOL). What do you guys think ??? I know you would help family.....but where do you draw the line ???

adding: said person has 400k house, with a good working wife.

 

[Weather Man]

Based on what you said, do not give him one red cent, unless you want him crawling up your ass 24/7 looking for more.

 

[ashleyroachclip]

I would and have , sent said family member packi g .
I dont make that kind of moneyb, but still am comforatable.
As you said , this is America , and there is plenty of work with good pay for those that choose to work .

 

[StrayBullitt]

I'd would want to help, but not enable..they would need to be showing signs of wanting to better themselves and be on some kind of path to recovery. It sucks because yes you love them now and care about them, but over time of owing you or possibly taking advantage of you could really ruin a relationship.

 

[9397SVTs]

Having a normal conversation/spending time together is fine. Once they start complaining or asking for "help", it's time to end the conversation/leave. If you can't have a relationship without the complaints/asking for "help", then it's time to completely cut ties.

You can't help those who won't help themselves. Choices have consequences.

 

[OETKB]

Hard choice. Been there, done that. Wife and I end up playing good cop, bad cop with the family member.
I am quite happy playing the bad cop.

 

[nxhappy]

adding: said person has 400k house, with a good working wife.

 

[HillbillyHotRod]

As said there would have to be stipulations. They would need to show an effort of improving. No improvement end of story.

 

[Weather Man]

As said there would have to be stipulations. They would need to show an effort of improving. No improvement end of story.

It never works.

 

[buffalosoldier]

If you gave him some money with a set deadline for repayment, hopefully when he missed the deadline he would avoid you. problem solved.

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[jaxbusa]

adding: said person has 400k house, with a good working wife.

The person that wants help lives in a 400k house? No amount of money would change them. They’re broken inside and would benefit more from counseling.


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[Revvv]

I love to help people, and I do when and where I can.

Long story made short; I blindly helped my parents, dug into my savings, and my IRA. I did all I could to keep a 40 year old business afloat. I was paying off overdue accounts, paying cash for parts because the shop had no credit lines when I got involved. My dad was blowing an enormous amount of money on alcohol and drugs.

The business is now gone, I'm still trying to recover, and working to keep my own business running on a shoestring budget (if anyone needs music, or music tracks mixed, contact me).

You can help people, but be smart about it. I put my own family in a very bad situation. Some people do not want help, they only want to piggyback off of those they know. It hurts me to say that.

Right now my parent's home is about to go up for auction. Everything of value has been sold, if it belonged to my dad or not. Everyone, including my mom has abandoned my dad.

So everything I fought for was for naught.

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[Revvv]

Having a normal conversation/spending time together is fine. Once they start complaining or asking for "help", it's time to end the conversation/leave. If you can't have a relationship without the complaints/asking for "help", then it's time to completely cut ties.

You can't help those who won't help themselves. Choices have consequences.

At some point you have to give help in the form of advice. The ones that don't want to do anything will cut ties on their own.

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[HudsonFalcon]

Make them do embarrassing stuff for money and start a YouTube channel. Let him keep the ad revenue. Problem solved in the most hilarious way possible.

 

[nxhappy]

I love to help people, and I do when and where I can.

Long story made short; I blindly helped my parents, dug into my savings, and my IRA. I did all I could to keep a 40 year old business afloat. I was paying off overdue accounts, paying cash for parts because the shop had no credit lines when I got involved. My dad was blowing an enormous amount of money on alcohol and drugs.

The business is now gone, I'm still trying to recover, and working to keep my own business running on a shoestring budget (if anyone needs music, or music tracks mixed, contact me).

You can help people, but be smart about it. I put my own family in a very bad situation. Some people do not want help, they only want to piggyback off of those they know. It hurts me to say that.

Right now my parent's home is about to go up for auction. Everything of value has been sold, if it belonged to my dad or not. Everyone, including my mom has abandoned my dad.

So everything I fought for was for naught.

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I agree to some point. My parents....I would help no matter what. They brought me into this world, raised me, loved me, gave me the best I could ever ask for. However this is not the case.

But if another family member comes along ....and they are milking the government system beyond belief ....**** that man. If people are CAPABLE of making good money , and you KNOW they are just milking it .....you ain't gonna get help. totally different if you are mental and cannot earn money for your family. Some people literally cant work. And some people THINK they can't work so they milk the system.

 

[PaxtonShelby]

I’d do nothing but offer advice. I’d give him nothing more than a beer. As my FIL says when we are playing poker and he’s constantly raising...”This ain’t no streetcar! No free rides!”

 

[Revvv]

Make them do embarrassing stuff for money and start a YouTube channel. Let him keep the ad revenue. Problem solved in the most hilarious way possible.

I would do that for free.

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[Coiled03]

If said person is virtually unwilling to help themselves in any capacity, then no, no help at all. But if they're trying.....family is family. Help as much as you can until it starts to hurt your own family. You're under no obligation to ruin your life while saving another's.

 

[Adower]

Help them in anyway you can that does not involve giving him money.

 

[MarcSpaz]

I got stuck in a position somewhat like this. Not exactly, though.

My son's best friend had surgery to save his life... but it left him with ED. While in rehab for more than a month, he lost his job, his GF kicked him out and had another dude move in, and had no one. He is 30 and completely shot.

He asked my son to get an apartment with him because he couldn't/can't afford a place on his own. My son turned him down, but we have 4 unused bedrooms. My son asked if his friend could stay with us until he got on his feet.

Long story short, I have been supporting a 30 year old man who refuses to do anything for himself, since before Thanksgiving of 2018. A few weeks ago, I finally got sick of his shit. No matter how much I love my son, this dude is a grown ass man. I threw his ass out.

My wife and son gave me hell for it because he ended up living in his car for a hot minute.

One of my friends gave him a job holding up a counter at a parts store. I let him back in the house after he took the job because my wife and son guilted me into it. I told him he has a drop-dead date of October 31st to be in a new apartment or he's going to be living in his car pertinently, because he isn't staying here anymore.

Thankfully my wife and son agree that supporting a 30 YO dude for a year, even one who had the issues he went through, is long enough.

I can tell you that there was no conversation that could change his mind or attitude. It took living in his car for a few days for him to finally accept a guarantied job and start doing something for himself.

People will use you for everything you let them. I love my wife and son, so this guy has been getting away with a lot of BS.