Life is taking a new direction

[gimmie11s]

Tough situation.

I would have guessed you are younger than you are reading your story. Truth is, you are too selfish for that relationship to work.

That sounds rude, im not trying to be rude, just outlining what is actually going on.

I dont like kids either (other than my own) so i can understand why they annoy you. I feel the same way.

Bad news is, the older you get, the more you become "set in your ways" and the tougher it will be finding someone who wants to "deal" with you and you with her.

Facts of life i guess.

 

[Zemedici]

Tough situation.

I would have guessed you are younger than you are reading your story. Truth is, you are too selfish for that relationship to work.

That sounds rude, im not trying to be rude, just outlining what is actually going on.

I dont like kids either (other than my own) so i can understand why they annoy you. I feel the same way.

Bad news is, the older you get, the more you become "set in your ways" and the tougher it will be finding someone who wants to "deal" with you and you with her.

Facts of life i guess.

I think of it like this

Relationships are a compromise.

The baggage / issues that he's got to deal with, with her kids (that he has no obligation to whatsoever, lets be real here)

What does he bring to the table that's equal? I would presume nothing.

So, with an uneven split, I'd be out.

Has nothing to do with selfishness, has to do with equivalent sides. It sounds like the children are hellions.

 

[HudsonFalcon]

I never wanted kids and I have one year old twin boys. I know exactly how you feel and I know where all the high bridges are in my town.

 

[gimmie11s]

I think of it like this

Relationships are a compromise.

The baggage / issues that he's got to deal with, with her kids (that he has no obligation to whatsoever, lets be real here)

What does he bring to the table that's equal? I would presume nothing.

So, with an uneven split, I'd be out.

Has nothing to do with selfishness, has to do with equivalent sides. It sounds like the children are hellions.

Your point would assume he had no idea she had kids when they got together. That's obviously not true, and he actually states in multiple posts that he enjoys being with her just not with her kids. The kids are part of the deal.

While I agree it does not sound like any fun, he's been with her for a few years and knows what a relationship with this woman means/entails.

Had she surprised him with the news that she had two kids two years into this relationship, I would completely agree with you.

I just don't understand why now all of a sudden these children are a burden? It's not like they magically appeared last weekend.

Appears OP's Priorities have changed. Is what it is.

 

[lilcoop03]

Your point would assume he had no idea she had kids when they got together. That's obviously not true, and he actually states in multiple posts that he enjoys being with her just not with her kids. The kids are part of the deal.

While I agree it does not sound like any fun, he's been with her for a few years and knows what a relationship with this woman means/entails.

Had she surprised him with the news that she had two kids two years into this relationship, I would completely agree with you.

I just don't understand why now all of a sudden these children are a burden? It's not like they magically appeared last weekend.

Appears OP's Priorities have changed. Is what it is.

I thought that I could make it work. For me. For her. For them. But I have came to the conclusion that I guess I cannot and retain my happiness and sanity. I was trying not to be "selfish" this whole time. But, I agree with you.

 

[gimmie11s]

I thought that I could make it work. For me. For her. For them. But I have came to the conclusion that I guess I cannot and retain my happiness and sanity. I was trying not to be "selfish" this whole time. But, I agree with you.

That's fair.

Again.. my post was not meant to be an asshole post, although i know it reads that way.

It is no easy task taking on an immediate "family" that is not yours. Not by a country mile.

 

[gimmie11s]

I never wanted kids and I have one year old twin boys. I know exactly how you feel and I know where all the high bridges are in my town.

LOL! Stay away from those bridges!

Now... imagine you had those boys AND 2 girls!

Welcome to my world!

 

[CompOrange04GT]

Didn't know so many single dudes on here were such studs and can be picky/choosy with women.

wait nvm

it's svtp

 

[Zemedici]

LOL! Stay away from those bridges!

Now... imagine you had those boys AND 2 girls!

Welcome to my world!

My god I commend you sir.

 

[STAMPEDE3]

I think of it like this

Relationships are a compromise.

The baggage / issues that he's got to deal with, with her kids (that he has no obligation to whatsoever, lets be real here)

What does he bring to the table that's equal? I would presume nothing.

So, with an uneven split, I'd be out.

Has nothing to do with selfishness, has to do with equivalent sides. It sounds like the children are hellions.

Yes, they are compromise, always but.......
Equivalent sides? That will never happen. 1 will almost always bring more to the table. Be it baggage, salary, cleanliness, etc....

It almost sounds like you believe if she brought kids baggage but made a ass-load of money and paid nannies it would be better?

OP can't deal, that's cool. Better to know now then after the wedding but this way of thinking is kind of screwed IMO.

 

[Zemedici]

Yes, they are compromise, always but.......
Equivalent sides? That will never happen. 1 will almost always bring more to the table. Be it baggage, salary, cleanliness, etc....

It almost sounds like you believe if she brought kids baggage but made a ass-load of money and paid nannies it would be better?

OP can't deal, that's cool. Better to know now then after the wedding but this way of thinking is kind of screwed IMO.

No, I mean it in the sense that one person shouldn't cause all of the problems (not saying children are problems, saying in general). One person should not cause all of the fights, make all of the money, etc.

And to be frank, yes - if she made a shitload of money and paid nannies, the issue wouldnt' be at the forefront as it is now, would it?

 

[STAMPEDE3]

No, I mean it in the sense that one person shouldn't cause all of the problems (not saying children are problems, saying in general). One person should not cause all of the fights, make all of the money, etc.

And to be frank, yes - if she made a shitload of money and paid nannies, the issue wouldnt' be at the forefront as it is now, would it?

I can almost promise one is not causing ALL the problems.
and yea, I should have left the nannies off.
So baggage and money but no nannies. lol

 

[gimmie11s]

My god I commend you sir.

When i was 25, there wasn't a person on this earth who could have told me i'd one day have 4 kids and had me believed it. No sir.

But i'll be 40 next month and thoroughly enjoyed the ride thus far! I didnt start having kids until i was 31 and waiting to have them was probably one of my best life decisions.

 

[Zemedici]

When i was 25, there wasn't a person on this earth who could have told me i'd one day have 4 kids and had me believed it. No sir.

But i'll be 40 next month and thoroughly enjoyed the ride thus far! I didnt start having kids until i was 31 and waiting to have them was probably one of my best life decisions.

How old did your girl start having kids? She younger than you? Older?

I can almost promise one is not causing ALL the problems.
and yea, I should have left the nannies off.
So baggage and money but no nannies. lol

was literally like '**** he's got me....wait a second, if the nanny has the kids...what's the issue?' hahahaha

 

[Revvv]

I won't judge anyone concerning children. I remember clearly telling my wife that I did not want, nor planned the idea to want kids. I didn't like the thought of the responsibility. I didn't want to give up the things that were "important" to me. I didn't even like the smell of children (yes, they do have a distinct baby smell).

When my niece was born, she was several months early. I remember her being handed to me against my will. My wedding ring could have for around this baby's neck. I fell in love with that little monster, but still didn't want one of my own.

When the doctor told my wife that she could not have children I had mixed emotions. Part of me was missed because I felt like a choice of life was taken off the table without me having any part of the decision. Another part of me felt relieved.

About a year after that diagnosis my wife told me she was pregnant. The selfish part if me immediately thought about the alone time spent with my wife. My cars and hobbies passed through my mind. I also owned a German Rottweiler. That dog was my child, and I didn't know how she would react.

I remember saying that my life wouldn't change. I eat those words every day. My entire world turned upside down. I sold the WS6 TransAm. My Dakota R/T was stolen on Easter morning.

Things kept changing, and are still changing every day. I now have two daughters, and I wouldn't have it any different. Sacrifices have been made, and they haven't always been easy. Life isn't about me, or what I want. Life is about what the children need, and what will make them great people in the future.

At the end of it all, my two girls made / make me a better man.

I don't have a lot of the things I want. I struggle at times. I don't have a Cobra, or any other specialty vehicle. I have an 02 Mustang GT convertible that needs work (It was never supposed to be a daily driver). I have missed wild parties for ball games and plays. I have seen more Disney shows than action movies.

In reality I gained more than I could have ever lost.

Sent from my [device_name] using the svtperformance.com mobile app

 

[Revvv]

I will admit this; I'm not sure how I would react to someone else's children. I know how I would be if someone tried to step in my place though. It would not be a good situation.

Sent from my [device_name] using the svtperformance.com mobile app

 

[gimmie11s]

How old did your girl start having kids? She younger than you? Older?

She's younger by almost a year... 10 months i think. She was 29 or 30, cant remember. Been married for almost 18 years.

Not going to sit here and say it is/was always great because it isnt/wasnt.

In marriage and having a family, NO ONE gets what they want 100% of the time, ever. Everyone is always compromising in some way.

Good news is, the longer you stay together, the closer and closer your interests begin to line up and that "compromise" starts to go away because everyone eventually gets on the same page.

 

[fangstang]

You dodged a bullet. Consider yourself lucky. I would NEVER get involved with a woman with kids. Thats #1 in the handbook of never do's.

 

[tones_RS3]

After a LOT of thought and consideration, my fiancé (been together 3 years total) and I have decided to separate. We were set to get married this April but she is moving out this week and it looks like we probably wont see each other at all anymore.
She has 2 kids with her ex husband..a 10 year old boy and a 4 year old girl while I have chosen not to have any kids. I am 33 and she is 27...
While the kids are sometimes great to be around, most of the time they just aren't (for me anyways) I have tried to make it work for a long time now but when we have them (2 days on, 2 days off and every other weekend) I found myself mostly miserable due to the chaos and everything that comes along with it..
She and I were always great together, especially when it was just us but when we had them it would put a major strain on both of us and we would argue about it sometimes. She wanted me to be at all these games, practices, etc etc etc. The kids also go to school in the next town over in the opposite direction from where I work. And I can understand her wanting that but that meant I didn't have time or peace in my life to do things I want to do and enjoy my hobbies like working on my cars or just drinking a few beers in my shop with my buddies...
Their dad is good to them and very involved in their life..
Part of me feels like an asshole but the other part of me says I have to do what makes me happy.
We are handling this peacefully so far but it still really sucks.
Good news is I have a good job and can afford my house on my own with no issues. I recently graduated with a mechanical engineering degree that I worked on for 4.5 years straight. I have a paid for Silverado and C6Z as well as a Datsun 240z project car (these things keep me happy lol) I guess I plan to focus on myself for a while and start back working out again and keep busy before I try to date again..
Its just a little scary because 99% of the people I know are married, have a kid or two, or both and I just don't think I'm cut out for that lifestyle. I also see married people getting divorced all the time:/
Anyone else been in a situation similar to mine?
Thanks for reading SVTP

You did the right thing bro. 100%!! Better now than later.

I was engaged about 9 years ago. She didn't hold up her end of the "bargain", which we discussed. That was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I was done. Never married and I don't have any kids.
And you're right, marriage isn't easy. Not that I would know personally, but I hear about it from friends. One of my ex girlfriends from way back had been cheated on and she cheated on her spouse. She said she also knows of 5 other couples in which one of the mates have cheated. Nice, huh?!?!

Good luck bro. Stay busy, go to the gym, enjoy your cars, and go one day at a time.

 

[Four Door SVT]

I could write a book right now, as a step child, step father and dad.

My oldest is my step daughter we have a great relationship, now, when she was a teenager it was tough but her dad never was around, she now has two girls and I’m their grandpa I love them very much. Of courses other two kids are mine and they two were teenagers and shit got deep then as well.
Now my wife is going through changes she has nothing positive to say about anything even her grandkids, it’s very difficult. All three of my kids suggested I go for my own good. I continue to hesitate for the sake of convenience. If and when I go, I’m going south.

As a step child I never got to really know my dad till he retired from the Navy. My brothers dad my 1st step dad kicked me in the ass every time I walked by, my second step dad came around when I was 15, he was a retired army staff Sargent his son and I were best friends in grade school he lived with his mother. My step brother/ best friend was shot and killed at the age of 18.

I left Home at 16, my dad remarried so going there was out but I did get to visit a couple times during 7th and 8th grade summers.

I worked at a Stanley Chevrolet dealership after school and had a place to live behind a bait shop ( no kidding) I went to school till I couldn’t take it anymore and dropped out my junior year. I got a job a KFC till I joined the Navy on a delayed entry program. When I turned 18 I left town and vowed that my kids would never ever be without a father.

This is probably to much for the topic but you should do for your self first and then better your self in the end.