Life is taking a new direction

[TK1299]

I don't want kids either bro. I split with a fiancé about five years or so ago and it floored me. I dated some women with kids but I knew it wouldn't be for me.
Don't worry about your age and not being married, it doesn't happen for everyone at the same time. I'm almost forty and finally have a wedding date set with my current fiancé(who is almost my age and has no kids and a doctor) I made it completely clear to her I no want kids. Her sister has three and I can't stand being over there around them. I like doing my own thing and don't want my freedom completely taken away. I might be selfish but I admit it and make no apologies.
Point is many people have experienced what you're going through. It says a lot about you that you have the strength to go through with it. A lot of people stay in it and it eventually ends later anyway, usually in disaster. Live your life. Bottom line. Oh, get rid of that ****ing c6z and get yourself a Cobra. You'll get hotter chicks if you do.

 

[dan_dmg_gt01]

Starting to feel much better already.. LoL

I was living with a woman for 7 years before I called it quits. She wanted a ring and a kid and I just couldn't see myself giving her those things. Her family's constant drama also didn't help the situation.

It really sucked at the time, and I've done a lot of growing since then. But, if we hadn't split I'd never have found the woman in with now. We have a son together and are getting married in Oct.

It took lots of wrong relationships to finally see and appreciate when you find the right one. Good luck bud, it'll get better.

 

[black4vcobra]

Yeah, they split right after having the 4 year old. I should've red flagged it but we were great together until she and the kids moved in with me.. Live and learn I guess

Yup, moving in always changes things. You go from "wanting to" see that person to "having to" see that person.

Chin up though, I'll be 34 in a month and I just got married in May and I couldn't have imagined getting married any sooner. My wife is a few months away from 32, no kids and no prior marriages for either of us. It's not a race and as others have mentioned a guy in your situation (engineering degree, house, cars, no kids, etc) will be plenty enticing to single women. If you are looking for a woman with no kids you'll have to look at younger women though.

 

[fireman02]

I’m married with kids, so from my perspective learn your lesson and don’t date someone with kids. Until the kids are grown adults they’re always going to be the first priority. And if you find someone who would put you above their kids, that’d be a huge red flag in my opinion. Being a parent/ step parent isn’t for everyone and if you’re self aware enough to know it’s not for you stick to your guns. But, if you do get involved with someone with kids, you can’t bitch about how inconvenient the kids are because like it or not they are part of the package.


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[VegasMichael]

Yeah, they split right after having the 4 year old. I should've red flagged it but we were great together until she and the kids moved in with me.. Live and learn I guess

That was it right there in my opinion. The old saying goes you don't know someone until you move in with them. Don't worry about the marriage or kids thing. I'm 53 and have never been married and have no kids. I do what I want when I want with whomever I want.

 

[lilcoop03]

That was it right there in my opinion. The old saying goes you don't know someone until you move in with them. Don't worry about the marriage or kids thing. I'm 53 and have never been married and have no kids. I do what I want when I want with whomever I want.

Hell yeah man! Good for you sir

 

[lilcoop03]

I don't want kids either bro. I split with a fiancé about five years or so ago and it floored me. I dated some women with kids but I knew it wouldn't be for me.
Don't worry about your age and not being married, it doesn't happen for everyone at the same time. I'm almost forty and finally have a wedding date set with my current fiancé(who is almost my age and has no kids and a doctor) I made it completely clear to her I no want kids. Her sister has three and I can't stand being over there around them. I like doing my own thing and don't want my freedom completely taken away. I might be selfish but I admit it and make no apologies.
Point is many people have experienced what you're going through. It says a lot about you that you have the strength to go through with it. A lot of people stay in it and it eventually ends later anyway, usually in disaster. Live your life. Bottom line. Oh, get rid of that ****ing c6z and get yourself a Cobra. You'll get hotter chicks if you do.

Great insight man... Ive had 3 cobras in the past and look where that got me! Haha I sold my last one (by far the nicest I had) to a good friend and he totaled it in 9 months.. I am in love with my Z06 since I tracked it for the first time last month. Plan on having more fun with it..

 

[IronSnake]

Yea.. I am not shocked by this.

I would have a hard time dating someone else with kids. Only because they aren't mine, I won't have the parental authority necessary (ever), and realistically I'd want my own flesh and blood in the house hold. Not someone elses.

I don't think you should take it as a "I don't want kids" feeling. You just didn't want her kids.

 

[lilcoop03]

Yea.. I am not shocked by this.

I would have a hard time dating someone else with kids. Only because they aren't mine, I won't have the parental authority necessary (ever), and realistically I'd want my own flesh and blood in the house hold. Not someone elses.

I don't think you should take it as a "I don't want kids" feeling. You just didn't want her kids.

I think you're exactly right. I'm not saying I never want my own kids, just not right now.. But take it from me that is sure is damn hard to live with someone else's. Especially when they are hellions most of the time lol

 

[_Snake_]

I think you're exactly right. I'm not saying I never want my own kids, just not right now.. But take it from me that is sure is damn hard to live with someone else's. Especially when they are hellions most of the time lol

Been there, done that. And she’s an ex now. Lol

 

[lilcoop03]

Other facts worth mentioning:

The 10 year old got a puppy a few months back. I have a 6 year old black lab that is highly obedient and calm, solid housetraining etc.. This damn puppy has been hell trying to house train it and it constantly bugs the shit out of my more mature dog. AND of course it stayed at my house the days when the kids weren't there, plus he hardly ever does anything with it and doesn't walk it or take care if it so that got left up to me. The dog goes through food like a horse too. Went from one bag every few months to 1 bag every 3 weeks. I've grown to like the dog ok but I wont miss cleaning up after it everyday..

The kids have entirely too much stuff and toys they never play with, especially the 10 year old. I find myself constantly moving things around and picking up moving things in the yard after them all the time. I cannot wait for that trampoline to be gone from my yard.

She would always complain about me being in the shop drinking a few beers if the kids were at the house. I would be out there doing my thing while they were inside or in the yard playing and doing their thing. When we didn't have the kids, she would be out there with me having a great time. So its like it was ok only when it was convenient for her... I began to feel like a prisoner in my own house.

 

[dan_dmg_gt01]

Other facts worth mentioning:

The 10 year old got a puppy a few months back. I have a 6 year old black lab that is highly obedient and calm, solid housetraining etc.. This damn puppy has been hell trying to house train it and it constantly bugs the shit out of my more mature dog. AND of course it stayed at my house the days when the kids weren't there, plus he hardly ever does anything with it and doesn't walk it or take care if it so that got left up to me. The dog goes through food like a horse too. Went from one bag every few months to 1 bag every 3 weeks. I've grown to like the dog ok but I wont miss cleaning up after it everyday..

The kids have entirely too much stuff and toys they never play with, especially the 10 year old. I find myself constantly moving things around and picking up moving things in the yard after them all the time. I cannot wait for that trampoline to be gone from my yard.

She would always complain about me being in the shop drinking a few beers if the kids were at the house. I would be out there doing my thing while they were inside or in the yard playing and doing their thing. When we didn't have the kids, she would be out there with me having a great time. So its like it was ok only when it was convenient for her... I began to feel like a prisoner in my own house.

That would be hard to deal with, "convenient" is right.

 

[kirks5oh]

I'm remarried. I have 3 kids and she has 2 (2 sets of twin girls). We each have 50/50 custody. Don't have the kids right now and we are in Hawaii relaxing. Sometimes we have 2 kids at home, sometimes 3, and sometimes all 5. It's crazy. Crazy fun. But not for everyone.

It sounds like this woman has less than 50/50 custody? That's very odd for a woman to have less than 50%. Either way, you need to let her be an awesome mom, and find a guy who is going to go "all in" with her kids. That's clearly not you. Nothing wrong with that, you gave it a shot---but don't pretend. The kids deserve a father figure and mother figure at both households. When you get divorced, the kids get screwed over in a way, and they should come first. I can't tell you how hard it was being a single guy almost 40 years old with 3 kids, and a busy career with 50/50 custody, to find someone who would love your kids as if they were her own.

 

[Zemedici]

I'm remarried. I have 3 kids and she has 2 (2 sets of twin girls). We each have 50/50 custody. Don't have the kids right now and we are in Hawaii relaxing. Sometimes we have 2 kids at home, sometimes 3, and sometimes all 5. It's crazy. Crazy fun. But not for everyone.

It sounds like this woman has less than 50/50 custody? That's very odd for a woman to have less than 50%. Either way, you need to let her be an awesome mom, and find a guy who is going to go "all in" with her kids. That's clearly not you. Nothing wrong with that, you gave it a shot---but don't pretend. The kids deserve a father figure and mother figure at both households. When you get divorced, the kids get screwed over in a way, and they should come first. I can't tell you how hard it was being a single guy almost 40 years old with 3 kids, and a busy career with 50/50 custody, to find someone who would love your kids as if they were her own.

how can he love the kids as if they were her own, when the kids will never call him dad / spend more time with their real father than they do with him?

That's an uphill battle I wouldnt ever even start. No thanks. Plenty of other women out there without that 'situation' going on, ya know? I dont think its ANY reflection on lilcoop at all, that's a borderline impossible task

 

[jaxbusa]

Have a beer for me to celebrate that you dodged a bullet. I know it doesn’t seem like it at this point. I’m glad you realized now rather than later. Good girls without kids are out there. I was with a large group of twenty or so friends the other day. Most were 33-36 years old and some I haven’t seen in awhile. I started looking around and thinking about their situations. Most were married, some dating for a long time, but only one had a kid. Like minded people are out there. Kids aren’t for everyone. And someone already mentioned that you will be second to the kid. It’s tough to start a long term commitment like that.


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[lilcoop03]

I'm remarried. I have 3 kids and she has 2 (2 sets of twin girls). We each have 50/50 custody. Don't have the kids right now and we are in Hawaii relaxing. Sometimes we have 2 kids at home, sometimes 3, and sometimes all 5. It's crazy. Crazy fun. But not for everyone.

It sounds like this woman has less than 50/50 custody? That's very odd for a woman to have less than 50%. Either way, you need to let her be an awesome mom, and find a guy who is going to go "all in" with her kids. That's clearly not you. Nothing wrong with that, you gave it a shot---but don't pretend. The kids deserve a father figure and mother figure at both households. When you get divorced, the kids get screwed over in a way, and they should come first. I can't tell you how hard it was being a single guy almost 40 years old with 3 kids, and a busy career with 50/50 custody, to find someone who would love your kids as if they were her own.

Understood. She does have 50/50 its just a crazy schedule they have. And even though they are only with us half the time, its still a full time job and you are right in that she deserves someone who can be who I cant...

Assuming this wife is relatively new? I remember you saying you were having issues with your ex and your time with your kids was all you really cared about...which I think is great man.

 

[lilcoop03]

how can he love the kids as if they were her own, when the kids will never call him dad / spend more time with their real father than they do with him?

That's an uphill battle I wouldnt ever even start. No thanks. Plenty of other women out there without that 'situation' going on, ya know? I dont think its ANY reflection on lilcoop at all, that's a borderline impossible task

This^

 

[lilcoop03]

I hope that someone reading this having similar issues can learn from it as well. I am very glad that I have decided this before we got married. That would really be a disaster.

 

[kirks5oh]

Understood. She does have 50/50 its just a crazy schedule they have. And even though they are only with us half the time, its still a full time job and you are right in that she deserves someone who can be who I cant...

Assuming this wife is relatively new? I remember you saying you were having issues with your ex and your time with your kids was all you really cared about...which I think is great man.

We've been together for just about two years. Married last summer. These setups are always a bit crazy. We still have two houses, and her kids go to school 40 minutes from where I live. Sometimes they stay at her house, and go to school from there. Sometimes I'll stay at her house when she has her kids and I don't have mine. That's how a lot of these situations are. If you're not in 100%, then you both deserve something better. Even if you guys are 100% amazing together when it's just you. The kids are going to be around for another decade at least.

I go to most of my wife's girls sports events, and love the fact they go nuts when I get home from work (my kids are old enough, that they don't do that anymore). I don't treat it as a competition to be more popular than their real dad. Not looking to raise them differently than him. Likewise, I realize there's a point coming very soon when my girls will tell my wife "you're not my real mom". Doesn't take away from the fact she's the adult, helping raise the kids. Requires thick skin

 

[lilcoop03]

We've been together for just about two years. Married last summer. These setups are always a bit crazy. We still have two houses, and her kids go to school 40 minutes from where I live. Sometimes they stay at her house, and go to school from there. Sometimes I'll stay at her house when she has her kids and I don't have mine. That's how a lot of these situations are. If you're not in 100%, then you both deserve something better. Even if you guys are 100% amazing together when it's just you. The kids are going to be around for another decade at least.

I go to most of my wife's girls sports events, and love the fact they go nuts when I get home from work (my kids are old enough, that they don't do that anymore). I don't treat it as a competition to be more popular than their real dad. Not looking to raise them differently than him. Likewise, I realize there's a point coming very soon when my girls will tell my wife "you're not my real mom". Doesn't take away from the fact she's the adult, helping raise the kids. Requires thick skin

Wow. That's pretty heavy. Glad you have found where you want to be though!