Life is taking a new direction

[lilcoop03]

After a LOT of thought and consideration, my fiancé (been together 3 years total) and I have decided to separate. We were set to get married this April but she is moving out this week and it looks like we probably wont see each other at all anymore.

She has 2 kids with her ex husband..a 10 year old boy and a 4 year old girl while I have chosen not to have any kids. I am 33 and she is 27...

While the kids are sometimes great to be around, most of the time they just aren't (for me anyways) I have tried to make it work for a long time now but when we have them (2 days on, 2 days off and every other weekend) I found myself mostly miserable due to the chaos and everything that comes along with it..

She and I were always great together, especially when it was just us but when we had them it would put a major strain on both of us and we would argue about it sometimes. She wanted me to be at all these games, practices, etc etc etc. The kids also go to school in the next town over in the opposite direction from where I work. And I can understand her wanting that but that meant I didn't have time or peace in my life to do things I want to do and enjoy my hobbies like working on my cars or just drinking a few beers in my shop with my buddies...

Their dad is good to them and very involved in their life..

Part of me feels like an asshole but the other part of me says I have to do what makes me happy.

We are handling this peacefully so far but it still really sucks.

Good news is I have a good job and can afford my house on my own with no issues. I recently graduated with a mechanical engineering degree that I worked on for 4.5 years straight. I have a paid for Silverado and C6Z as well as a Datsun 240z project car (these things keep me happy lol) I guess I plan to focus on myself for a while and start back working out again and keep busy before I try to date again..

Its just a little scary because 99% of the people I know are married, have a kid or two, or both and I just don't think I'm cut out for that lifestyle. I also see married people getting divorced all the time:/

Anyone else been in a situation similar to mine?

Thanks for reading SVTP

 

[HillbillyHotRod]

Went thru the same thing back in my 30's. It hit hard but in the long run it was for the best as I never would have met my wife if it had not happened. Best thing is find things to do to take up your time so as not to fret over it. Good luck.

 

[MG0h3]

Gotta do what you gotta do man. If it doesn’t feel right, better to get out now.


Sent from my iPhone using svtperformance.com

 

[13COBRA]

It won't get any better. Wish I would've done it before we got married. lol

 

[black4vcobra]

Bummer to hear that, even when a relationship has run it's course, breakups are always tough. I can see how children from another relationship could interfere. I made a rule for myself that I would never date a woman with kids, just complicates matters in every instance. It can work, just not for me and it sounds like it wasn't really for you either.

To clarify, so she's 27 and has a 10 year old and a 4 year old with her ex husband? Sounds like she broke up with him shortly after the 2nd was born and then got with you pretty quickly afterwards, correct? Seems like that would have been a red flag.

Don't compare yourself to where others are in life. Marriage itself isn't really a big deal compared to finding someone you love and want to be with long term. Kids are only a big deal if you really want them and as a male you have plenty of time yet to consider them.

 

[Dirks9901]

Been there done that man. I tried to date 2 different women with kids. Regardless whether i liked the kids or not or if the father was present, i was going to end up in the dad role whether I wanted to or not. Of course she(x2) said that wouldn’t happen but always headed down that road as quick as possible.

The worst thing you can do is force something that isn’t “you” in a relationship. You end up selling yourself short and it usually never works anyway. I’m actually the same age as you and I’m not a kid guy either.

Keep your head up man. It will get better. Hit the gym, work on your projects, get some new clothes, do a weekend guy trip. Just remember a guys “stock” goes up the older you get. It will only get better from here.


Sent from my iPhone using svtperformance.com

 

[STAMPEDE3]

After a LOT of thought and consideration, my fiancé (been together 3 years total) and I have decided to separate. We were set to get married this April but she is moving out this week and it looks like we probably wont see each other at all anymore.

She has 2 kids with her ex husband..a 10 year old boy and a 4 year old girl while I have chosen not to have any kids. I am 33 and she is 27...

While the kids are sometimes great to be around, most of the time they just aren't (for me anyways) I have tried to make it work for a long time now but when we have them (2 days on, 2 days off and every other weekend) I found myself mostly miserable due to the chaos and everything that comes along with it..

She and I were always great together, especially when it was just us but when we had them it would put a major strain on both of us and we would argue about it sometimes. She wanted me to be at all these games, practices, etc etc etc. The kids also go to school in the next town over in the opposite direction from where I work. And I can understand her wanting that but that meant I didn't have time or peace in my life to do things I want to do and enjoy my hobbies like working on my cars or just drinking a few beers in my shop with my buddies...

Their dad is good to them and very involved in their life..

Part of me feels like an asshole but the other part of me says I have to do what makes me happy.

We are handling this peacefully so far but it still really sucks.

Good news is I have a good job and can afford my house on my own with no issues. I recently graduated with a mechanical engineering degree that I worked on for 4.5 years straight. I have a paid for Silverado and C6Z as well as a Datsun 240z project car (these things keep me happy lol) I guess I plan to focus on myself for a while and start back working out again and keep busy before I try to date again..

Its just a little scary because 99% of the people I know are married, have a kid or two, or both and I just don't think I'm cut out for that lifestyle. I also see married people getting divorced all the time:/

Anyone else been in a situation similar to mine?

Thanks for reading SVTP

Yes you have to do what is best for you. That said If you really loved her and were good together then things can work out. That is a screwed up arrangement for kids though. 2/2 and every other weekend?

I will address the part in red though.
In my honest opinion, That is because people today give up too ****ing easy.
Living with someone else is hard, no one said it would be easy. It takes work. A LOT OF WORK.
Anything worth it does.

 

[Never_Enough]

Kids ain't for me either. Makes dating tougher as so many of the women out there have kids. Nice job on the bragging portion of your post lol

In my honest opinion, That is because people today give up too ****ing easy.
Living with someone else is hard, no one said it would be easy. It takes work. A LOT OF WORK.
Anything worth it does.

x999999999999999999999999999999

 

[BrunotheBoxer]

Why be miserable? Life’s too short to not be happy.

If my wife had kids from someone else and they drove me crazy I would not have married her.

Good luck.

 

[_Snake_]

After a LOT of thought and consideration, my fiancé (been together 3 years total) and I have decided to separate. We were set to get married this April but she is moving out this week and it looks like we probably wont see each other at all anymore.

She has 2 kids with her ex husband..a 10 year old boy and a 4 year old girl while I have chosen not to have any kids. I am 33 and she is 27...

While the kids are sometimes great to be around, most of the time they just aren't (for me anyways) I have tried to make it work for a long time now but when we have them (2 days on, 2 days off and every other weekend) I found myself mostly miserable due to the chaos and everything that comes along with it..

She and I were always great together, especially when it was just us but when we had them it would put a major strain on both of us and we would argue about it sometimes. She wanted me to be at all these games, practices, etc etc etc. The kids also go to school in the next town over in the opposite direction from where I work. And I can understand her wanting that but that meant I didn't have time or peace in my life to do things I want to do and enjoy my hobbies like working on my cars or just drinking a few beers in my shop with my buddies...

Their dad is good to them and very involved in their life..

Part of me feels like an asshole but the other part of me says I have to do what makes me happy.

We are handling this peacefully so far but it still really sucks.

Good news is I have a good job and can afford my house on my own with no issues. I recently graduated with a mechanical engineering degree that I worked on for 4.5 years straight. I have a paid for Silverado and C6Z as well as a Datsun 240z project car (these things keep me happy lol) I guess I plan to focus on myself for a while and start back working out again and keep busy before I try to date again..

Its just a little scary because 99% of the people I know are married, have a kid or two, or both and I just don't think I'm cut out for that lifestyle. I also see married people getting divorced all the time:/

Anyone else been in a situation similar to mine?

Thanks for reading SVTP

Hang in there man. I promise you’re making the right choice. If it helps, I got married for the first time at 37 years old. No kids.

 

[Smooth]

Been there done that man....Just remember a guys “stock” goes up the older you get. It will only get better from here.

Right on!

And I am not the guy to give relationship advice.

 

[Zemedici]

After a LOT of thought and consideration, my fiancé (been together 3 years total) and I have decided to separate. We were set to get married this April but she is moving out this week and it looks like we probably wont see each other at all anymore.

She has 2 kids with her ex husband..a 10 year old boy and a 4 year old girl while I have chosen not to have any kids. I am 33 and she is 27...

While the kids are sometimes great to be around, most of the time they just aren't (for me anyways) I have tried to make it work for a long time now but when we have them (2 days on, 2 days off and every other weekend) I found myself mostly miserable due to the chaos and everything that comes along with it..

She and I were always great together, especially when it was just us but when we had them it would put a major strain on both of us and we would argue about it sometimes. She wanted me to be at all these games, practices, etc etc etc. The kids also go to school in the next town over in the opposite direction from where I work. And I can understand her wanting that but that meant I didn't have time or peace in my life to do things I want to do and enjoy my hobbies like working on my cars or just drinking a few beers in my shop with my buddies...

Their dad is good to them and very involved in their life..

Part of me feels like an asshole but the other part of me says I have to do what makes me happy.

We are handling this peacefully so far but it still really sucks.

Good news is I have a good job and can afford my house on my own with no issues. I recently graduated with a mechanical engineering degree that I worked on for 4.5 years straight. I have a paid for Silverado and C6Z as well as a Datsun 240z project car (these things keep me happy lol) I guess I plan to focus on myself for a while and start back working out again and keep busy before I try to date again..

Its just a little scary because 99% of the people I know are married, have a kid or two, or both and I just don't think I'm cut out for that lifestyle. I also see married people getting divorced all the time:/

Anyone else been in a situation similar to mine?

Thanks for reading SVTP

Here's my .02 on it brotha

You have to do what makes YOU happy. If its NOT being with her, (more so not being with her children) then so be it. Life is too short to go through unhappy. If you've tried for YEARS to make it work with her kids (would be different if you 'tried it for 3 months'), and it doesnt work. Then it doesnt work.

I would NEVER date someone who had children prior, because to me that's additional baggage being brought into the relationship. I'm still on the fence about having my own children, and really do not want to have the decision made FOR me.

All of my friends are getting / have been married. I'm 25, and hell my 23 year old little brother is engaged as of Christmas Day. My Younger brother will be married before I will. And I'm cool with that. everyone goes through life differently. My girl knows she's my ride or die, and that the marriage is down the line.

You have to find the girl that's right for you. I have been through HELL (as some of my close friends here can attest) with the women i've dated in the past, but the girl I'm with now makes it allll worth it.

Keep your chin up, and jump balls deep into your projects.

 

[lilcoop03]

Bummer to hear that, even when a relationship has run it's course, breakups are always tough. I can see how children from another relationship could interfere. I made a rule for myself that I would never date a woman with kids, just complicates matters in every instance. It can work, just not for me and it sounds like it wasn't really for you either.

To clarify, so she's 27 and has a 10 year old and a 4 year old with her ex husband? Sounds like she broke up with him shortly after the 2nd was born and then got with you pretty quickly afterwards, correct? Seems like that would have been a red flag.

Don't compare yourself to where others are in life. Marriage itself isn't really a big deal compared to finding someone you love and want to be with long term. Kids are only a big deal if you really want them and as a male you have plenty of time yet to consider them.

Yeah, they split right after having the 4 year old. I should've red flagged it but we were great together until she and the kids moved in with me.. Live and learn I guess

 

[lilcoop03]

Been there done that man. I tried to date 2 different women with kids. Regardless whether i liked the kids or not or if the father was present, i was going to end up in the dad role whether I wanted to or not. Of course she(x2) said that wouldn’t happen but always headed down that road as quick as possible.

The worst thing you can do is force something that isn’t “you” in a relationship. You end up selling yourself short and it usually never works anyway. I’m actually the same age as you and I’m not a kid guy either.

Keep your head up man. It will get better. Hit the gym, work on your projects, get some new clothes, do a weekend guy trip. Just remember a guys “stock” goes up the older you get. It will only get better from here.


Sent from my iPhone using svtperformance.com

Thank you sir. I sure plan on it!

 

[lilcoop03]

Kids ain't for me either. Makes dating tougher as so many of the women out there have kids. Nice job on the bragging portion of your post lol


x999999999999999999999999999999

LOL thanks man

 

[lilcoop03]

Hang in there man. I promise you’re making the right choice. If it helps, I got married for the first time at 37 years old. No kids.

That does help, brother...Thanks!

 

[lilcoop03]

Here's my .02 on it brotha

You have to do what makes YOU happy. If its NOT being with her, (more so not being with her children) then so be it. Life is too short to go through unhappy. If you've tried for YEARS to make it work with her kids (would be different if you 'tried it for 3 months'), and it doesnt work. Then it doesnt work.

I would NEVER date someone who had children prior, because to me that's additional baggage being brought into the relationship. I'm still on the fence about having my own children, and really do not want to have the decision made FOR me.

All of my friends are getting / have been married. I'm 25, and hell my 23 year old little brother is engaged as of Christmas Day. My Younger brother will be married before I will. And I'm cool with that. everyone goes through life differently. My girl knows she's my ride or die, and that the marriage is down the line.

You have to find the girl that's right for you. I have been through HELL (as some of my close friends here can attest) with the women i've dated in the past, but the girl I'm with now makes it allll worth it.

Keep your chin up, and jump balls deep into your projects.

Thank you brother! Best of luck to you as well..

 

[lilcoop03]

Starting to feel much better already.. LoL

 

[lilcoop03]

Yes you have to do what is best for you. That said If you really loved her and were good together then things can work out. That is a screwed up arrangement for kids though. 2/2 and every other weekend?

I will address the part in red though.
In my honest opinion, That is because people today give up too ****ing easy.
Living with someone else is hard, no one said it would be easy. It takes work. A LOT OF WORK.
Anything worth it does.

Yes, I think its a terrible arrangement as well and I pointed that out to her..
Monday and Tuesday night on then Wednesday and Thursday off then Friday Saturday and Sunday night on... The next week would be Monday Tuesday off Wednesday Thursday on then off Friday Saturday Sunday.. Then it starts over. She said she didn't like it either but it was the only way to make it fair and neither of them have to go a week without seeing each other.

 

[Zemedici]

That sounds like a very busy lifestyle man....I couldn’t do that with my work schedule there’s no way