Controversial...is this wrong?

[BrunotheBoxer]

My wife kinda did for me. Quit work, went back to school at 45 years old. She was all about what made me happy even though it was hard financially. Shes a keeper.

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Yeah but you went to school for a weekend in Guatemala.

 

[Zemedici]

Let your wife do what makes her happy and support her. That Simple. My goal if for my wife to not ever feel she has to work if she doesnt want to. I support what ever she wants to do.

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See that’s not my style. I don’t get to bust my ass all day every day so she doesn’t have to do anything but spend my money. If she wants x y z, and it’s absurdly expensive, then she can certainly buy it. I’m not going to work 100 hours a week so she can watch soap operas.

 

[Coiled03]

I would simply explain to her that if she went back to work full time, it would take some of the stress and burden off of you.

If she worked before, and stopped to raise the kids, that should not be a free Pass to retirement. She should contribute as well. It’s a partnership.

Looks at you being all sensible, derailing the train to SD.

Don't you have some sparkly jeans to buy?

 

[DriftwoodSVT]

I never had this issue as we have maintained separate back accounts since day one. She pay her car, student loans, etc from her money. Time to split the account LOL.

 

[PhoenixM3]

Ok, SVTP. Tell me what a bad person/husband I am...

Five years ago my wife and I made the decision that she would quit her job (paid about $80k/yr) to stay at home with our kids, who at the time were 3 and 5 years old. She has stayed at home for the past 5 years but over the past 2 years she has worked part-time for some extra spending money (making anywhere from $700 - $1400 per month). Money is not an issue for us at the moment. My salary covers all expenses, all fun activities and activities for the kids, and retirement, plus we have over 6 months worth of salary saved "just in case."

Now that the kids are older (8 and 10 years old) I have been encouraging her over the past year or so to think about going back to work full-time. I told her to get a mid-level job without stress where she can go in at 8 and leave at 5. She won't make $80k, but she would make $50k without the stress or longer hours. She seems content to just let me continue to bear the financial burden; again, I provide everything for my family, no questions asked. It is my responsibility. She is not working this summer and I really want her to return to work in the fall after spending a sun drenched, Vegas summer poolside with the kids while I go to work everyday like clockwork (LOL). She seems resistant to the idea of going back full-time. The kids are not an issue before/after school so I'm a little ticked because I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. There is zero pressure for her to return to work. I have given my family a comfortable life, they deserve it. We aren't in financial stress.

So I am struggling with how the heck to get her to realize how happy it would make me for her to go back to work. She has had a nice run, we sacrificed a lot by her staying home the past five years.

One thought that crossed my mind was to buy the GT350 from the dealer down the street, as that would give her some motivation to get back to work, like "oh boy, we've got this car payment now, I need to do something to help with the household income." Is that wrong? That I would try to force her hand by putting a cobra in the driveway? LOL

And before you guys say anything about "just talk to her; rationalize with her." I know there are a lot of people out there who struggle with how to tell their wives that the gravy train needs to come to stop, but don't know how to do it without having holy hell unleashed on them at home! LOL

Dude, tell her you need a bigger, better house. She’ll be onboard with that idea.

 

[Mpoitrast87]

See that’s not my style. I don’t get to bust my ass all day every day so she doesn’t have to do anything but spend my money. If she wants x y z, and it’s absurdly expensive, then she can certainly buy it. I’m not going to work 100 hours a week so she can watch soap operas.

+1. Shit it expensive these days. You want it, you buy it.

 

[Mpoitrast87]

I never had this issue as we have maintained separate back accounts since day one. She pay her car, student loans, etc from her money. Time to split the account LOL.

I am a firm believer in separate accounts. No one I know agrees with me lol.

 

[jpro]

SVTP never fails to provide!

It's not that I'm soft (I don't think), it's that I will put the happiness of others (wife and kids) ahead of my own.

If we had separate bank accounts that wouldn't work. She would be homeless. Not to say that this wasn't a decision we made, we made it together. However, I firmly believe I have sacrificed a lot but the reward (the kids having their mom home for the past 5 years) has been worth it. Not looking back, but it is time to look forward. That's the message I need to get across to her.

 

[Zemedici]

Looks at you being all sensible, derailing the train to SD.

Don't you have some sparkly jeans to buy?

Dammit. Hahahahahaha

 

[B0B]

I think the key factor here is that she isn’t contributing as much as you would like while not working. If she doesn’t keep the house clean and family fed like clockwork she isn’t pulling her weight at home. Period. There shouldn’t be a list of things that need to be done when you get home from work that she is capable of doing by herself. you don’t have a list of items that you can’t afford to provide your family...



Bottom line here is that if you didn’t come home and feel like she was unproductive you wouldn’t be posting this here.

I would talk to her about some of the things you would like to see her to put effort into during the day and go from there.


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[jpro]

I think the key factor here is that she isn’t contributing as much as you would like while not working. If she doesn’t keep the house clean and family fed like clockwork she isn’t pulling her weight at home. Period. There shouldn’t be a list of things that need to be done when you get home from work that she is capable of doing by herself. you don’t have a list of items that you can’t afford to provide your family...



Bottom line here is that if you didn’t come home and feel like she was unproductive you wouldn’t be posting this here.

I would talk to her about some of the things you would like to see her to put effort into during the day and go from there.


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yeah, but what about my new Cobra? LOL

I would rather she go back to work and deal with a cluttered house than have her home with a clean house.

 

[wundrbird]

All you're doing is trying to justify buying a GT350. I could buy one, too, if my wife went back to work full-time, but I doubt that my 11-year-old son's having instant access to a parent versus a babysitter five days a week would be worth it.

You made the right choice five years ago. The same agreement still applies. Suck it up.

 

[dannydarko11]

Bunch of misogynists in this thread #wagegap

Buy the GT350 and tell your wife..

Gotta be alpha as **** and put her resume on ziprecruiter and wait for a callback lol

Honestly, I'd just read what you wrote in the OP to her and talk about it.

GL

 

[Coiled03]

Bunch of misogynists in this thread #wagegap

Buy the GT350 and tell your wife..

View attachment 1482161

Gotta be alpha as **** and put her resume on ziprecruiter and wait for a callback lol

Honestly, I'd just read what you wrote in the OP to her and talk about it.

GL

I'll like any post referencing The Shawshank Redemption.

 

[Riddla]

Piihb?

Buy something nice for yourself, you deserve it. Maybe it will motivate her to do something.

 

[black4vcobra]

Lots of good advice in here but I would do some sort of a retirement analysis showing how much sooner your could retire with her working. Seeing as you are already comfortable financially she could max out the 401k and Roth IRA contribution for the next 15 (or so years).

This is simplifying things a lot but if she contributed $17500 to a 401k and $5500 to a Roth IRA for the next 15 years, an 8% rate of return means you'd have $624,000 at the end of that 15 years....

 

[jpro]

All you're doing is trying to justify buying a GT350. I could buy one, too, if my wife went back to work full-time, but I doubt that my 11-year-old son's having instant access to a parent versus a babysitter five days a week would be worth it.

You made the right choice five years ago. The same agreement still applies. Suck it up.

Not true, although the reason I have not bought one is because I don't want it to strain us in any way. It might not strain us, but who wants to find out! LOL

 

[CompOrange04GT]

Maybe I'm a traditionalist, but a stay at home parent is not riding a gravy train. That parent is working long hours, receiving no pay, and is normally not appreciated.

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" Long hours" Yeah I know.. being in the AC at home with the TV on while the kids are at school.

Definitely long hours.

 

[jpro]

Lots of good advice in here but I would do some sort of a retirement analysis showing how much sooner your could retire with her working. Seeing as you are already comfortable financially she could max out the 401k and Roth IRA contribution for the next 15 (or so years).

This is simplifying things a lot but if she contributed $17500 to a 401k and $5500 to a Roth IRA for the next 15 years, an 8% rate of return means you'd have $624,000 at the end of that 15 years....

I went this route last week. Good advice.

I showed her my retirement accounts and projections, then showed her my Roth. I am insistent that she open a Roth and max it, which means $458/month out the door, but she would have over $300k at 8% in 20 years (she is still in her 30's while I am 42). Didn't quite sink in to her. I told her another $458/month to her Roth is something I can handle, but it should be hers, financed by her. Seems totally content on my retirement and Roth, etc.

And she has the trump card...she can simply bring up the question of how it will impact the kids. She knows my kids are my heart.

 

[lOOKnGO]

OP, I think you should look at yourself. Why would you feel frustrated being a soul provider. You are outside the norm and should recognize that you are in a privileged class that 90% couples with kids couldn't dream of doing!


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