Or...
There are 3 kinds of people...
1 - those who are good at math...
2- those who are not.
Two Types of People
- Thread starter 13COBRA
- Start date
Or...
There are 3 kinds of people...
1 - those who are good at math...
2- those who are not.
I have a rule about people I allow into my life. If I don't like you, you are gone.
If a person is not willing to fix themselves, put distance between that person and you (unless they are your child). Don't let them drag you to their place, because those type of people suck the life out of everyone else. If it is your kid, you have a duty to try fix them before you send them out into the world.
Shutting folks out of your life is brutal, especially if its a wife or relative, but most people can't be fixed and/or don't want to be fixed, so those folks have to go.
You have the choice whether or not they affect your life.
Cliffs ~
You missed the 3rd type. The ones that never ever give a ****. Never been happier.
After eating my Hardees Jalapeno cheeseburger, I had secondary thoughts.
Girlfriend goes on typical girlfriend rant where she falls into despair over something we can't control and I just kind of shrug and say we can fix it or it'll work itself out. She will have the mini meltdown for 5 minutes, I will walk up to her, tell her to lock it up, and walk away.
Usually works. She just kind of locks it up and moves on when she sees me move on. I guess this is a way of helping someone who has a hard time being a number 1 when they are a two.
Girlfriend goes on typical girlfriend rant where she falls into despair over something we can't control and I just kind of shrug and say we can fix it or it'll work itself out. She will have the mini meltdown for 5 minutes, I will walk up to her, tell her to lock it up, and walk away.
Usually works. She just kind of locks it up and moves on when she sees me move on. I guess this is a way of helping someone who has a hard time being a number 1 when they are a two.
Difficult situation
Has said person always been type #2? If so it's extremely difficult to break a trained habit. Up to you if you want to put in the work to help change them or not. But generally speaking, if a persons mannerisms of outlook doesn't jive with mine, I don't care to be around them. Too many people in the world to be around ones you don't click with
Has said person always been type #2? If so it's extremely difficult to break a trained habit. Up to you if you want to put in the work to help change them or not. But generally speaking, if a persons mannerisms of outlook doesn't jive with mine, I don't care to be around them. Too many people in the world to be around ones you don't click with
I'm a mix of 1 and 2.
I have the #1 attitude when things are within my control, if I make a mistake and have to deal with the consequences. I can brush off something minor.
I have the #2 attitude when someone else's negligence affects me and no justice is served, or nature decides to ruin my day. I've had some seriously bizarre situations come up and was left high and dry- nearly every 2 years something catastrophic happens, most recently being my wife was struck by a 17 year old who was going over 100mph and he had cut-rate state min coverage. Guess who loses?
The best way I can describe life to others from my perspective is- you see everyone else eating cake. They're loving it. You get a slice, take a bite, and it tastes like sewage. No matter how many slices you take, they always taste terrible yet everyone else seems to be enjoying it.
Some people will complain even when things are going great simply because they need the drama. Others do it because they are in serious pain. when the mechanisms for coping are outweighed by the stress/pain, the situation goes downhill. Today's day and age is convoluted with more stressors than the human race has ever seen before. Life is insanely complicated and it shouldn't be.
So, to avoid being a hypocrite, how do you deal with #2 personality?
1) Let 'em vent for a little bit- just a little, too much encourages the behavior
2) Get them to list out a plan of action - if they won't, drop or redirect convo
3) Encourage them to act on that list - if they won't, drop or redirect convo
It's very much about "training" that too much whining won't help and you don't need the toxicity. I need to vent pretty bad sometimes, usually just mixing dark humor in places where it isn't appropriate- some people get it, some people don't. Everyone is different.
I have the #1 attitude when things are within my control, if I make a mistake and have to deal with the consequences. I can brush off something minor.
I have the #2 attitude when someone else's negligence affects me and no justice is served, or nature decides to ruin my day. I've had some seriously bizarre situations come up and was left high and dry- nearly every 2 years something catastrophic happens, most recently being my wife was struck by a 17 year old who was going over 100mph and he had cut-rate state min coverage. Guess who loses?
The best way I can describe life to others from my perspective is- you see everyone else eating cake. They're loving it. You get a slice, take a bite, and it tastes like sewage. No matter how many slices you take, they always taste terrible yet everyone else seems to be enjoying it.
Some people will complain even when things are going great simply because they need the drama. Others do it because they are in serious pain. when the mechanisms for coping are outweighed by the stress/pain, the situation goes downhill. Today's day and age is convoluted with more stressors than the human race has ever seen before. Life is insanely complicated and it shouldn't be.
So, to avoid being a hypocrite, how do you deal with #2 personality?
1) Let 'em vent for a little bit- just a little, too much encourages the behavior
2) Get them to list out a plan of action - if they won't, drop or redirect convo
3) Encourage them to act on that list - if they won't, drop or redirect convo
It's very much about "training" that too much whining won't help and you don't need the toxicity. I need to vent pretty bad sometimes, usually just mixing dark humor in places where it isn't appropriate- some people get it, some people don't. Everyone is different.
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I went through this with my ex. I'm very much type 1; maybe to a fault. She was type 2. She either developed it over the course of our relationship (8+ years) or hid it for the first few. I'm thinking it was always there but came out later. She claims it wasn't...
Anyway, it got to the point that where we'd continually get into fights over it. I tried the same things as you. First just listen. Then I started offering advice on what I though were easy solutions to the "problems". Finally just told her you can't control it and to get over it.
Obviously we ended up breaking up and it was mostly because of this. The funny thing is now that I no longer have to care about her problems we're better friends than ever. So just because you stop trying to help doesn't mean you'll lose them as a friend. That's all I got...
Anyway, it got to the point that where we'd continually get into fights over it. I tried the same things as you. First just listen. Then I started offering advice on what I though were easy solutions to the "problems". Finally just told her you can't control it and to get over it.
Obviously we ended up breaking up and it was mostly because of this. The funny thing is now that I no longer have to care about her problems we're better friends than ever. So just because you stop trying to help doesn't mean you'll lose them as a friend. That's all I got...
I have an employee that is 100% #2. It drives me up the wall. I have to work my ass off to keep him busy because he doesn't realize that his actions, and often time lack of, holds him back. I'm constantly looking to replace him but haven't had any luck so far.
I've found that successful people are usually #1 but poor people are always, always, always, #2. Social Justice Warriors, struggling minorities, Democrats, and far left people generally tend to be as well.
The reality is that life is a mixture of both but the VAST majority of your outcome is under your control therefore I try and be as much #1 as I can.
I've found that successful people are usually #1 but poor people are always, always, always, #2. Social Justice Warriors, struggling minorities, Democrats, and far left people generally tend to be as well.
The reality is that life is a mixture of both but the VAST majority of your outcome is under your control therefore I try and be as much #1 as I can.
Can't help someone that won't help themselves. Maybe I'm a cold hearted dick but I don't put any serious time or effort into a relationship with people like that. They'll only hold you back and drag you down.
I'm definitely type 1. They decided we needed an express service per MB. Which takes a way some of my clients when they need a minor service, tire, etc...I will definitely lose money regarding this decision. I think I'm gonna buy a Hellcat, **** it.
My wife is definitely type 1. Nothing phases her.
My wife is definitely type 1. Nothing phases her.
Nick, I hope it's not the wife.
If it's your GSM, you can fire him and hire me.
If it's your GSM, you can fire him and hire me.
This is why people keep coming back to this site. Open, honest, sometimes brutal, but meant with good intentions. Everyone knows some #2 people. I've found in my life that by limiting the amount of drama that you let them bring to the table, the less they will try to bring. My guess is that most on this site fall in the #1 category, and the known whiners and those that start their threads with (serious only) fall into the #2. If you give that type of person too much attention, they will only want more, because that's what they want, lots of attention. When my kids were younger I taught them that negative attention wasn't good attention. Some people never learn that simple concept.
Some people have always been and always will be #2. What's tough is when a friend that's a #1 person starts slipping to #2. At first you think it's a tough patch and you want to try and help but gradually it starts to seem permanent. Before you know it it's been years since this person was #1 and their efforts aren't geared towards helping themselves but bringing you down with them. Bummer
I know exactly where you are coming from. My sister in law is the same way. We tried to help her through tough times. Our family has tried to help her mentally and physically. With doctors and all.......but this Christmas, shit hit the fan, and we parted our own ways indefinitely. To the point where I won't let my wife talk to her own sister. It saddens me because we are family and I have known her so long through thick and thin. I always loved her as my own and wanted nothing but the best....and now it has turned into a shit show between her sister and my family.
And why has it come to this point? Because she feels she has no control over her life. It's always someone else controlling her life or someone else taking advantage of her. Never would she admit to her own fault....Eventually, I had no remorse. But it was sad, because her parents were taking the consequences. And her mom was like a puppet, fixing every cry and every need. To this day they still fix her ****ups because she is the baby.
But honestly man, life is too short to worry about this shit. I gave up a while ago. You can only offer so much help. And when that help is turned down, there is no more mister nice guy. Just move on with your life. Number one is you and your wife. Number two is your children. And beyond that is your close family. And even then, your close family might be hard to reach. I wish I could help every single family member with their problems. But ****, at this point for me anyway, that is damn near impossible.
And why has it come to this point? Because she feels she has no control over her life. It's always someone else controlling her life or someone else taking advantage of her. Never would she admit to her own fault....Eventually, I had no remorse. But it was sad, because her parents were taking the consequences. And her mom was like a puppet, fixing every cry and every need. To this day they still fix her ****ups because she is the baby.
But honestly man, life is too short to worry about this shit. I gave up a while ago. You can only offer so much help. And when that help is turned down, there is no more mister nice guy. Just move on with your life. Number one is you and your wife. Number two is your children. And beyond that is your close family. And even then, your close family might be hard to reach. I wish I could help every single family member with their problems. But ****, at this point for me anyway, that is damn near impossible.
I'm a #1 with a twist. I'll go pretty far to try and control the uncontrollable.
#1's are good, but nothing like a good #2 first thing in the morning.
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