Here's a few jokes for the new year!
1. My New Year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
2. Every year on New Year's Eve, when everyone's counting down the final ten seconds to ring in the new year, I get up off the couch and stand up. I stand up and raise my left leg and just leave it raised for a little while until the countdown finishes and midnight strikes, so that I always start the new year off on the right foot. I hope you all have a great and safe New Year's Eve.
3. New Year? I just got used to this last one!
4. My wife still hasn't told me what my New Year's resolutions are.
5. "I promise not to make any bad jokes for the rest of the year." — A dad on New Year's Eve
6. A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
7. My New Year's resolution is 1080p.
8. If 2018 was a person, I'd sue him for pain and suffering and lost wages.
9. May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.
10. This New Year's I resolve to be less awesome since that is really the only thing I do in excess.
11. My New Year's resolution is to break my New Year's resolutions. That way I succeed at something!
12. New Year's is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don't want you reusing last year's calendar.
13. My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
14. I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
15. I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It's a nice reminder of what I did all year.
16. My resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my TV.
17. An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
1. My New Year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
2. Every year on New Year's Eve, when everyone's counting down the final ten seconds to ring in the new year, I get up off the couch and stand up. I stand up and raise my left leg and just leave it raised for a little while until the countdown finishes and midnight strikes, so that I always start the new year off on the right foot. I hope you all have a great and safe New Year's Eve.
3. New Year? I just got used to this last one!
4. My wife still hasn't told me what my New Year's resolutions are.
5. "I promise not to make any bad jokes for the rest of the year." — A dad on New Year's Eve
6. A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
7. My New Year's resolution is 1080p.
8. If 2018 was a person, I'd sue him for pain and suffering and lost wages.
9. May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.
10. This New Year's I resolve to be less awesome since that is really the only thing I do in excess.
11. My New Year's resolution is to break my New Year's resolutions. That way I succeed at something!
12. New Year's is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don't want you reusing last year's calendar.
13. My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
14. I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
15. I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It's a nice reminder of what I did all year.
16. My resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my TV.
17. An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
