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Short Jokes ( Not About Short People)

Discussion in 'Road Side Pub' started by CSCOBRA03, Sep 29, 2019.

  1. CSCOBRA03

    CSCOBRA03 Well-Known Member Established Member

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    SoCal.
    1. I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently, a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

    2. After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, John woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realized he had made it home safely.

    3. Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Para-Olympics after they tested positive for WD40.

    4. A teenage boy asks his granny: "Have you seen my pills? They were labelled LSD" Granny replies: " The hell with the pills, did you see the dragons in the kitchen?"

    5. Wife gets naked and asks hubby: "What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body " Hubby looks her up and down and replies: "Your sense of humour!" (Hospital visiting hours are 5:00 to 6:00.)

    6. A chap's wife's is back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all he did was suggest they should hold auditions for her part. (His viewing will be Saturday from 7:00 till 8:30.)

    7. I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

    8. I woke up this morning at 9:00 and could sense something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonalds serves breakfast until 10:30.

    9. My missus packed my bags and as I walked out the front door. She screamed: "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" I replied: "Oh, so now you want me to stay!"

    10. Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. When we went to the fair last night it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.

    11. The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her: "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!" (The doctor says I should be able to see again in about ten days. The broken arm will take about a month.)
     
    MDShelby, JPKII, BOOGIE MAN and 5 others like this.
  2. 03cobra#694

    03cobra#694 Want to play a game? Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Hahaha
     
  3. 1 Alibi 2

    1 Alibi 2 If not today, when ?????? Established Member

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    Adam Schiff !!
     
  4. MDShelby

    MDShelby Well-Known Member Premium Member Established Member

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    Those were pretty good. Thanks!
     
  5. GodStang

    GodStang Well-Known Member Established Member

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    HAHA NICE!
     
  6. James Snover

    James Snover The Ill-Advised Physics Amplification Co Established Member

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    What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

    What do you call a cow with no legs that goes 200mph? Ground effect beef.
     
    BOOGIE MAN likes this.
  7. James Snover

    James Snover The Ill-Advised Physics Amplification Co Established Member

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    A punk stopped me and asked me, "You gotta light, mac?"

    I said, "No. But I have a dark brown overcoat."
     
  8. BOOGIE MAN

    BOOGIE MAN Logic and Reason Established Member

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    Cloud School
    What do you a call a cow that's had an abortion?
    Decaffeinated

    Sent from my SM-N975U using the svtperformance.com mobile app
     
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