Pursuing biological parents??

[bigblue95z]

Hey guys/gals.... So long story short, I was adopted when I was a few days old (31 now) and I've always known I was adopted. Never really effected me in a negative way. But, I've always wanted to find my biological mother/father, see where I came from so to speak. So recently laws changed in my state where I could get my original, sealed birth certificate with biological parent info(only had mother info). After a quick search on Facebook I found the mother listed, but she denied it was her (it is). OK, fine, she doesn't want or not ready to talk to me. But if you were her kids (15, 19, 24) would you want to know about a 'long lost brother'? I'm not even sure if they know (or her husband) that I exist. Or should I just forget it and move on(I probably won't)?

Would you guys welcome contact if you were in their situation?

Side note, the bio mom is really big into racing. Her and current husband have a blown alcohol promod.

 

[Screw-Rice]

Let it go. She obviously has no interest to even acknowledge you, your siblings aren't anything but a few lines of genetic code and nothing more.

As someone who has a lot of large gaps in the family tree, I've never understood why people have some inexplainable need to search out people who never wanted anything to do with them in the first place. You tried to reach out and it wasn't wanted, just bury that chapter or potentially open a large can of worms.

 

[Torch10th]

I have to agree with screw-rice on this one. You had the desire to try and find your biological parents and you did. You reached out and by your post it's clear that they didn't want to go down that path. All you risk by pursuing it further is heartache, drama and if things go too far, legal trouble.

 

[BJCobra99]

I am adopted as well, 33 years old. My situation is very similiar to yours, except a sibling contacted a adoption p.i. and found me about 5 years ago. I was excited to meet my bio- brother and his family.They live on other side of state as me. I heard our sperm donor is a mooch and deadbeat so I skipped talking to him. Birth mother is nice, but I see resentment from my biological bros towards her for abandoning them very young. Years later, I still talk to them and visit too. It is odd seeing somebody that looks and even acts like me too. Never had thst growing up with a 6'5" dad and I'm 5'8" full grown! Lol. So I recommend you be patient. If a sibling wants to find out, they will make it happen.

 

[Corbic]

Let it go. She obviously has no interest to even acknowledge you, your siblings aren't anything but a few lines of genetic code and nothing more.

I have two adopted siblings, dates an adopted girl and know two other adopted people.

It blows my mind why people want to track down birth parents, previously given up children and lost siblings.

Here is the deal. Birth parents don't give up children because their Royalty, they give them up because their lives are a complete mess.

Be glad you didn't get aborted and move on.

She likely never even told her current husband and kids.

"Oh yeah, back when I was 19 I was getting passed around by the Florida State Football team and didn't realize I was pregnant until I was 6 months... surprise you have a brother!!"

 

[Tabres]

My wife was adopted internationally. We tried, unsuccessfully to find her birth parents. There never was any information on her papers regarding her father so that was always a dead end. We also managed to verify the info her birth-mother provided to the adoption agency was all completely bogus. The woman might as well have written Jane Doe on the papers. Sucked overall. My wife was only hoping for a photo to see where she got what feature, and some family medical history, literally ANY family medical history would have been amazing. No such luck for us.

So, I know I'm not the adopted one, but I can appreciate your frustration.

I have to agree with everyone else that you'll be better off letting things lie. At this point, the woman knows you're out there and, I presume, how to contact you. She knows you have interest. If she has a change of heart she'll come to you. You pushing yourself onto her and her family would very likely only cause grief for everyone involved.

 

[aaron97]

Personally, I would let it go. But I have seen multiple sides of this coin. My wife (38) was adopted at birth and she choose not to pursue them and she is fine with it mentally and emotionally.

On my fathers side of the family, about 8 years ago, while his father was still somewhat coherent, he brought a woman (32) to the family Christmas dinner, and introduced her for the first time, a daughter that no one knew about. He already had 1 son and 2 daughters, so it was quit a shock for everyone to find out that they had a little sister that was over 20 year younger. In this case, the younger sister, now my aunt who is about my age, seamlessly became part of the family.

My mothers side is even more twisted. Her father found out when he was 65 that he had a brother and the man he thought was his father was not his father, but actually his uncle. When his father (actually his uncle) was on his deathbed, he explained it all, with photos and everything. His real father, was a married man and he had an affair with a Native American girl and got her pregnant, and we're talking 1903, so that was socially unacceptable. The father had a brother who was not married and he agreed to take a raise the son as his own. His uncle (real father) passed away along time ago, but his father (uncle) introduced him to his half-brother. Once my grandfather found out, he moved to Florida to be closer to his newly discovered brother and they were buddies until the brother passed away a few years later.

So I guess what I was getting at is, it might turn out alright, but be patient. If your bio-mother is pushing back, trying to reach out to the siblings without having her on-board first could backfire. Be patient and give it time. She may eventually want contact or closure and you may eventually decide that its not that important.

 

[svtfocus2cobra]

My mom is adopted, so I know how important it is to know where you came from. My mom didn't have a great life growing up because of it, with he4r adopted parents, so finding out where she came from was important to her. After seeing that I would say go for it if it feels important to you.

 

[Kevins89notch]

You were curious, you tried and got shut down. I vote drop it.

Everyone is different, but blood doesn't mean **** to me, love and care do. The ones that raised you ARE your parents. That's it.

 

[MG0h3]

I agree with those that said be patient. I'm sure she has regrets and feels guilty. Give it some time and maybe reach out again in a month or so.

 

[Fox-4]

I wouldn't push things at the moment, let her take time to process everything. Like other said, her life was probably a mess when she was pregnant with you and that's probably a lot of emotions to deal with. Now that she knows your name, she'll reach out if/when she is ready. Best of luck.

 

[Corbic]

How do your adopted parents feel? Have you considered their feelings?

 

[traktrbeam]

Adopted as a baby here. Thought about seeking out my birth parents, but ultimately decided against it.

IMO, let it go.

 

[capnkirk52]

Adopted here, too. My sister is 5 years younger and also adopted. She decided to find her parents and was successful. She had a decent relationship with both mother and father but then something happened and she's not close with father or father's side of the family. Her mother works abroad so they don't really see each other.

I really had no wishes to find mine. I did end up with two sheets of paper with some family history on them at the time of adoption so I at least know my genetic background and a hint of medical history so that kind of helped my decision.

I'm with everyone else. Try and forget it and live your life. If it's meant to happen, it will. Good luck.

 

[kirks5oh]

even if they want nothing to do with you, finding information on them can be helpful in terms of your medical future----have they had early heart disease, cancer, depression, etc etc etc. genetics is a HUGE part in dictating your health and well being.

other than that, i'd be interested in finding the siblings. i'd have tons of resentment for being 'given up', but it is what it is.

 

[gnats]

If you have a way of contacting the adult siblings, and you want to reach out to them, I say go for it. They're adults, and can make up their own minds, if they want to know you.

 

[bigblue95z]

Appreciate all the feedback and insight here. I'll be honest, I wasn't sure what kind of responses I'd get. Lol.

I really just want to shoot the shit with them for a while. They seem like good people who I'd have a lot in common with. I don't hold any resentment for giving me up. And I'm certainly not looking for any validation or making up for 'lost time'. I had fantastic opportunities growing up and very happy where I ended up. I have a feeling this is a way bigger deal for her than it is for me. That's prob the most frustrating thing. But like mentioned above, she knows who I am now and how to contact me. Guess on that front, she'll reach out if she wants to.

 

[Tx5811]

Don't do it!

 

[Double"O"]

I kinda get it...I was adopted at 2 weeks old..closed adoption. all I know about my biological parents it one was waitress and the other was a mechanic, one was 5'5 the other 5'7.

I wouldn't mind meeting my biological parents just to let them know they made a good decision and that in turned out ok and that in was raised well.

It would be kinda neat to let them meet thier two granddaughters and know that I joined the Navy and got a college education afterwords

I've never pursued finding them but I think about it from time to time

 

[SID297]

I don't think I would do it if I were in your shoes, but that's a pretty foreign concept to me.