Married Life - What would you do - Advice

[FJohnny]

Hard to hear about any guy living this kind of life. Hope you get relief.

This marriage sounds a little like a dead battery. A small trickle might not bring it back to life. Might be that a really powerful jolt would kick start the process. Since you have suggested couples or marriage counseling and got rejected perhaps you need to try something a bit more hardcore.

I wonder what the reaction would be if you were to calmly and quietly suggest that the two of you go to a divorce mediator to find out what would be involved and whether a divorce would be best for you both. Confronting the idea that you are contemplating the final solution to your differences might make things a bit clearer to her and get the process moving.

Maybe she has already decided and just doesn't know how to tell you. Or maybe she would realize how serious it really is and decide to make the effort. Either way, at least you can start moving forward.

Good luck, man. Hope you find what you need.

 

[Zemedici]

lol my ex would tell me all about her day. Who said what to who, and lots of specifics about her job. Then ask me about my day and my answer was “it went fine”. I couldn’t talk about my work for most of my career due to the nature of the job. She really got frustrated over it too.

Ah see i could totally understand that, and i bet you wish you coulda told her shit, cuz it’s interesting, but can’t.

And @08mojo Wifey and i work in two TOTALLY different industries, so what she does is like Greek to me, and vice verse. Just cool hearing about her day because it’s filled with things i would never do in my lifetime. And same with her and what i do. I could completely understand if we worked in the same building, when she was with me at the shop we surely didn’t talk about work hahahahaha we both knew how each day went

 

[Blown 89]

That's a little harsh, automatically assuming it's his fault.

It's 2019 and he's a man.....of course it's his fault

 

[Coiled03]

It's 2019 and he's a man.....of course it's his fault

I know....I think....you're being sarcastic. But coming from where I have, that hits close to home.

 

[Blown 89]

I know....I think....you're being sarcastic. But coming from where I have, that hits close to home.

Yes it was a sarcastic comment about the state of the world right now. Everything was unjustly my fault in my marriage too so I get it hitting close to home.

 

[Grabber]

Makes more sense. HAHA

 

[CompOrange04GT]

As someone in his 30s in the dating life. I see others saying “ try dating “

Don’t.

15 years your gonna have all sorts of issues. And you will take them out on the next chick until you figure yourself out

Take it from someone who takes out his issues rushing into dating.

After 15 years... if you’re gonna be single.. stay just YOU for a while. You’re gonna need a lot of rebuilding

What I will say.. as much shit as I talk about loving single life... having someone here would be awesome. It’s probably why I turn into captain save a hoe so easy..

 

[ViciousJay]

Ok guys, Musclefan21 and I have met her and know first hand this broad is bat shit nuts. Chris take my advice as I gave you last night. She's a mental vampire guys, she's tried to run his life and the fact he's waking up from it we need to support him to move on and grab his life back before it's too late.

One last thing Chris, listen to me when I say this! It will be hard to move on, hell as a man you can cry, weep or do whatever is needed but your heath mentally and physically and relationships are more important then dealing with a emotional vampire!

 

[ViciousJay]

As someone in his 30s in the dating life. I see others saying “ try dating “

Don’t.

15 years your gonna have all sorts of issues. And you will take them out on the next chick until you figure yourself out

Take it from someone who takes out his issues rushing into dating.

After 15 years... if you’re gonna be single.. stay just YOU for a while. You’re gonna need a lot of rebuilding

What I will say.. as much shit as I talk about loving single life... having someone here would be awesome. It’s probably why I turn into captain save a hoe so easy..

Dude, he needs to reck some new pussy to get over it! Bad advice, he needs to gain some self confidence!

 

[black4vcobra]

Ok guys, Musclefan21 and I have met her and know first hand this broad is bat shit nuts. Chris take my advice as I gave you last night. She's a mental vampire guys, she's tried to run his life and the fact he's waking up from it we need to support him to move on and grab his life back before it's too late.

One last thing Chris, listen to me when I say this! It will be hard to move on, hell as a man you can cry, weep or do whatever is needed but your heath mentally and physically and relationships are more important then dealing with a emotional vampire!

Checkmate. Based on what OP said and your opinion, that solidifies that he needs to move on as soon as possible.

 

[Zemedici]

Dude, he needs to reck some new pussy to get over it! Bad advice, he needs to gain some self confidence!

Best way to get over one....

Is to get under another....


Or so I’ve heard

 

[CompOrange04GT]

Dude, he needs to reck some new pussy to get over it! Bad advice, he needs to gain some self confidence!

In the moment it helps..

After going through a few.. it doesn’t.

 

[HISSMAN]

She sounds selfish. And a bit unreasonable.

 

[kirks5oh]

Haven’t read all the replies, just the first few pages. The kids issue is an immediate marriage ender for most. It is at the core of a marriage—to have kids or not. Let’s say you have 3 kids spread 8 years apart, and all go to college. That’s a minimum of 30 years that kids will be involved in your relationship. Kids are selfish by nature—they take and don’t always give. Time, money, emotional energy, physical energy. They take priority most of the time. The payoff is creating a legacy and knowing you’ve accomplished something incredible. And if you’re lucky, they will be better than you. If your wife doesn’t want kids, and you do, it’s a deal breaker. And kids never ever strengthen a relationship. Quite the opposite. Many times they test it.

The drinking thing is nothing. Or maybe it isnt. I drank a bit more when I was unhappy in my first marriage. That ended once I kicked her out. Either way, my advice is to cut ties and separate while you’re young enough to spend the rest of your life with someone better suited to you. There’s no half-assing it with kids. You need to be all-in. And she will never be all in. You’ll talk her into having a kid, it will weaken the marriage, you’ll get a divorce anyways, and be tied to this pill for the rest of your life. I realize this is harsh advice, but it is what it is

 

[nxhappy]

Thanks for the feedback guys.

There are in fact a lot of moving parts.

Kids, the drinking, the fact that over the years I've completely disregarded my family and most of my friends and changed who I am to keep her in my life. Now, when I want to be a little selfish and have kids (I'm almost 35 and she is as well) it won't get any easier.

I have thought about counseling, but, she already refuses to go to Therapy to talk about her work problems. I've been her support in that respect, but, she still refuses to fully open up to me. This is another problem.

I don't think she will change her mind about kids and I am scared that if I do what she asks, and take a chance, that we will both regret it. She does not want to leave me and I think will do these things just to keep me in her life, which isn't fair for ether of us, especially any children being in the mix.

this is a huge red flag. my friend is in the same situation. His wife is a ****, and he is sacrificing everything to make her happy. He also wants kids, she does not. IMO there is no way the marriage is going to work out. She will degrade you to the point where you won't love her anymore. Don't want to sound like a dick but if it was me, I would jump ship, and enjoy the single life.