All of these women are insane. If she cant handle you disciplining her children when you're defending HER, I would cut your losses and run. When she moved out as stated she also checked out. Sorry to hear man. Let us know how it goes.
are we headed for divorce or reconciliation?
- Thread starter GrayGhost03
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the 13 year old and i made up, weve even been running around stores together by ourselves. after the incident(s) we always talk and understand each other as to why we reacted in way be did and what we will do better next time. we went to counseling last yr and she suggested a balance between work/home to connect with each other ...our time. things went great for a while till the restaurant started demanding more of her and well you know where it got us. we did have talk with all the kids, my kids did well but eventually quit coming over bcuz hers are just too disrecpectful. her kids were good kids when we started this but think they got comfortable and started showing their true colors. ill keep you posted
You mean you have sacrificed a relationship with your own kids for this BS? Cut your losses now and reconnect with your own kids man. I have a blended family also with a 17yr stepson, my 6yr old daughter, and our 2yr old together. I have fought many battles with my wife over kid stuff, but I would NEVER EVER sacrifice the relationship with my daughter to appease my wife or anything else. I am a part time Dad to her, but its not by choice and I always make sure that she is just as much a part of our family as everyone else. She has obviously completely checked out and I would call this lucky for you.
How long have you been married and do you have any kids together?
It is time to be realistic. You are faced with a series of unpalatable choices.
1. Do nothing a be miserable.
2. Seek counseling for the whole family to see if reconciliation is an option.
3. Plan and executing the end of your relationship.
There is nothing easy or simple about what you need to do. Every situation is different.
If you love her, you might try option two. If you think it can't be fixed to your satisfaction, seek the best counsel you can afford, plan an exit strategy that protects your interests and execute the plan without remorse. Don't tell her it is coming or discuss it with her in any way. The divorce will be ugly and feeling are going to get hurt, but basically it is about who pays what and for how long.
1. Do nothing a be miserable.
2. Seek counseling for the whole family to see if reconciliation is an option.
3. Plan and executing the end of your relationship.
There is nothing easy or simple about what you need to do. Every situation is different.
If you love her, you might try option two. If you think it can't be fixed to your satisfaction, seek the best counsel you can afford, plan an exit strategy that protects your interests and execute the plan without remorse. Don't tell her it is coming or discuss it with her in any way. The divorce will be ugly and feeling are going to get hurt, but basically it is about who pays what and for how long.
01cobravortech
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Sometimes people are just too busy. Working too many hours trying to accumulate wealth or to sustain a certain lifestyle or feeling that this is the way it has to be. And the rest of your life falls apart in the process. Its actually quite common.
OP I don't believe you have to lawyer up. You both just need to work a little less and work on your relationship. Its so easy for a couple to grow apart when they spend the majority of their time working. Teens are difficult in general. There is no easy way of dealing with that disrespectful teen and it may just be a matter that is better suited for his mother and biological father to deal with. Ultimatum's are not a good way to resolve situations like this one.
I think you'll both be alright if you both cut back on how much you work. Relationships don't fall apart overnight. They are years in the making in most cases.
OP I don't believe you have to lawyer up. You both just need to work a little less and work on your relationship. Its so easy for a couple to grow apart when they spend the majority of their time working. Teens are difficult in general. There is no easy way of dealing with that disrespectful teen and it may just be a matter that is better suited for his mother and biological father to deal with. Ultimatum's are not a good way to resolve situations like this one.
I think you'll both be alright if you both cut back on how much you work. Relationships don't fall apart overnight. They are years in the making in most cases.
If she's gonna snap on you for trying to discipline her son that's cussing at her, it's time to go. Now. Get a lawyer. My step-dad was not allowed to spank me, but the one time I smarted off to my mom in front of him he beat my ass. My mom didn't blink an eye and neither did my real dad. If she won't teach him respect he won't respect you either.
Coming from the childs side I had a step dad through out my entire childhood and he wasn't to use profanity or any of that sort against me and my two brothers he was never allowed to really discipline but had to take it through my mother for approval. We were hell raisers tried to keep every man out of the house. You guys on here that think that they are just some punk ass teenagers and you can set them straight will be gone in the blink of an eye literally. You will probably think its their fault and the mother is crazy but it is without a doubt your fault. You arent just handed respect you have to earn it. Why would some kid respect you? All you are doing is taking away their mother. You must remember you arent just building a relationship with the woman but with the kids also. If the kids arent happy she's not happy. Good luck man but it sounds like you better lawyer up.
At thirteen it is too late to change the kid, worse days are ahead. You can not get ahead of the gathering shit storm, cut your losses, move on. There is a barrel of guilt already in place that you had nothing to do with, but, if you don't watch out for your own ass, it will be poured all over you. Lots of good women need a good man, move on and find a new one.
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He's not your's...........BUH BYE!
I'd say prepare for the worse that way you wont be disappointed
known her for 4.5 yrs and going on 2 years married in july. i know it didnt happen over night,its been 2 years in the making...since the restaurant came into the picture. im not putting all the blame on her but she has never learned to getaway from it, even on vacation shes tied to the phone doing this, doing that, calling here and so on. the counselor told us if there wasnt a change things would end bad and i guess she was right. i have earned these kids respect, at one time they asked their mom if it was ok to call me dad bcuz i was the father figure to them and i did for them what i would do for my kids. i have a great relationship with my kids and they do come over but when theyve had enough they say gotta go. ive talked to her about this but when i do she feels like im attacking her bcuz of it but im not. all i say is can you talk to them about this and stick to your guns and not give in? sure she says but they keep doing what they do bcuz 1.. she is hardly here and 2.. she cant control them anymore. she and i have no kids together but shes been mommy to my 6yo since real mom passed away from cancer. after reading all this ive realized i have to just let her go, she can have her time and i mine and if its meant to be it will be. its not the end of the world but it does feel like its very close right now. ill keep you guys posted, thanks
this is true. Single moms are bad to date and their kids get screwed up because of them. This may be what is happening. If this were my situation, I would do what I could to keep custody of the child from this marriage and renew my relationship with kids from previous relationship.
whatever you choose, get a lawyer before she does and do what you can to secure custody of the child from this marriage. Also, I have not really gone through most of this so good luck, I hope it works out for you
I know its not as comparable since I wasn't married, but I was in a similar situation.
To keep it short we grew apart and it happens.
Resentment grows over things important to both of you. Probably things she was doing that you didn't like and things she was doing you didn't like. It's not because either one are bad people, but it eventually gets to the point where you love the person but you don't like them anymore. It's what makes us fiht about stupid things we normally wouldn't fight over.
Only you know her and yourself and what can be worked out.
I went on like this for a while with my girlfriend and I lived with her for a total of three years. At some point you have to count your losses and move on because its better for the both of you.
When it first happens it seems like nothing in the world is right and like nothing else matters and that's just how it goes but you know the cliche that it'll get better with time.
So you should decide where you and her are at and make the best long term decision...not the one that satisfies the temporary emotions of losing someone. But I know its easier said than done when you truly love someone. It's sometimes the hardest thing to go through as I've been there.
You can tell when the feelings gone. Picture doing something with her. Say something as simple as you go to the park with her. Then say you forgot something or it starts down pouring. Would that ruin the time? O would it be romantic and make the experience more memorable?
If there really still is that feeling then you'll have fun doing anything together and happiness doesn't rely on things going perfect. Kind of silly but I hope you can get my point.
There's always going to be the people who jump to telling you to get the best lawyer and divorce immediately and then those who say anything is fixable. But all we can do is maybe give you some of our experiences to help out some.
To keep it short we grew apart and it happens.
Resentment grows over things important to both of you. Probably things she was doing that you didn't like and things she was doing you didn't like. It's not because either one are bad people, but it eventually gets to the point where you love the person but you don't like them anymore. It's what makes us fiht about stupid things we normally wouldn't fight over.
Only you know her and yourself and what can be worked out.
I went on like this for a while with my girlfriend and I lived with her for a total of three years. At some point you have to count your losses and move on because its better for the both of you.
When it first happens it seems like nothing in the world is right and like nothing else matters and that's just how it goes but you know the cliche that it'll get better with time.
So you should decide where you and her are at and make the best long term decision...not the one that satisfies the temporary emotions of losing someone. But I know its easier said than done when you truly love someone. It's sometimes the hardest thing to go through as I've been there.
You can tell when the feelings gone. Picture doing something with her. Say something as simple as you go to the park with her. Then say you forgot something or it starts down pouring. Would that ruin the time? O would it be romantic and make the experience more memorable?
If there really still is that feeling then you'll have fun doing anything together and happiness doesn't rely on things going perfect. Kind of silly but I hope you can get my point.
There's always going to be the people who jump to telling you to get the best lawyer and divorce immediately and then those who say anything is fixable. But all we can do is maybe give you some of our experiences to help out some.
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I think there's more to the story. Almost as if she has a boyfriend and doesn't know how to break it to you. Sorry man, I hope I'm wrong. Good luck!!
im willing to work things out but i think shes hit a wall with this and life itself. i was telling her for months to chill cuz i could see she was exhausted and a meltdown was coming. there will only be 2 months to save this since she told me this evening her lawyer friend filed divorce papers for her today. her mind is made up at this point and i cant change that. the balls in her court
Don't beg, lawyer up, get the best deal that you can. Try the escape the debt trap, and, if she has a business, I am sure that there is one. Do not put another dime in a joint account.
Sounds like the voice of experience.
This.
You've only been married 2 years.
She's already started the process. I would take a couple of days off work and drop off the grid [ no calls] while you sort it out in your head/with a lawyer.
Do not communicate with her anymore.
Amen.
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