The Wife..

[john_anch_ak]

The wife's back on the warpath again. Last night she said she wanted to make a sex movie. She got upset when I suggested we should hold auditions for her part.

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!" As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

Headache Remedy

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."
"Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally, or as a suppository, it's up to you."

One More……..

Husband comes home last night and tells his wife “I won the lottery!!!” “What do you have to say?” Wife says “I’m taking 1/2 , divorcing you and I’m out of here!!”
Husband replies…… “OK, Here’s your $6….. NOW beat it bitch”

 

[PC03GT]

The wife's back on the warpath again. Last night she said she wanted to make a sex movie. She got upset when I suggested we should hold auditions for her part.

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!" As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

Headache Remedy

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."
"Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally, or as a suppository, it's up to you."

One More……..

Husband comes home last night and tells his wife “I won the lottery!!!” “What do you have to say?” Wife says “I’m taking 1/2 , divorcing you and I’m out of here!!”
Husband replies…… “OK, Here’s your $6….. NOW beat it bitch”

LMFAO. That's some funny shit!!:dancenana:

 

[black4vcobra]

I chuckled a bit. I was hoping this would be a thread complaining about the behavior of wives and I was going to post this - Newlywed pushes husband off cliff after 8 days of marriage http://www.nbcnews.com/news/other/n...ter-8-days-marriage-court-records-f8C11120104

 

[dirtyd88]

I chuckled a bit. I was hoping this would be a thread complaining about the behavior of wives and I was going to post this - Newlywed pushes husband off cliff after 8 days of marriage http://www.nbcnews.com/news/other/n...ter-8-days-marriage-court-records-f8C11120104

Way to kill the mood...

 

[scott_0]

I lol'd good shit!

 

[ssssnake]

LOL And just how long have you been married John? (I know, I know, it's a joke, son!)

 

[DHG1078]

Way to kill the mood...

 

[john_anch_ak]

LOL And just how long have you been married John? (I know, I know, it's a joke, son!)

My lovely wife and I have been married for 37 years on August 27th. We have plans for at least another 37 years together!!!:banana:

 

[MDShelby]

Probably some truth in there somewhere...

 

[joshcarp81]

How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it!......since we were on the subject of wives.

 

[LETHAL03COBRA]

Funny shit :d

 

[usmotox]

My marriage of 30years is good! I surprised my wife by buying some sweet night time attire and she caught me preparing the surprise while I was cutting the plus size stickers off the stuff and the one size fits all. She challenged me so I came home early and catch you what are you doing cutting your girl friends name off the package's?? I showed her the plus size stuff I had cut off trying not to hurt her feelings and said hell know my girlfriend is skinny---I still have not got that pick your battles thing down so good

 

[jblood37]

My marriage of 30years is good! I surprised my wife by buying some sweet night time attire and she caught me preparing the surprise while I was cutting the plus size stickers off the stuff and the one size fits all. She challenged me so I came home early and catch you what are you doing cutting your girl friends name off the package's?? I showed her the plus size stuff I had cut off trying not to hurt her feelings and said hell know my girlfriend is skinny---I still have not got that pick your battles thing down so good

:shrug:

 

[kevinatfms]

just sent these to my wife in a text and she wasnt as amused as i was....:banana:

 

[Chris0304]

Those were pretty good. Lol
Anyone know what the #1 food is that ruins a woman's sex drive?
Wedding cake!

 

[Svtkidd23]

Whats the speed limit of sex..

68.. At 69 you got to turn around

 

[big dad]

Before I got married I used to like popcorn.