Question for the parents of kids in sports

[nate]

Got a question / need advice from some of the more experienced parents. Little backstory, I coach my son's soccer team, and have for the past 3 seasons. We alternate between indoor in the winter and cyc soccer in the fall. We are in a 6U indoor league that is basically for practice. No score keeping / rankings. My son is the star player on our team, and scored 95% of our goals during the past outdoor session. Being that he is that much better than the rest of my team, he is constantly the only one getting the breakaways and getting down field.

We played a club team today, and they were pretty good. Every time my kid would get the ball and get towards their goal there would be a scuffle for the ball and both kids would go down. It was about 50/50 on "fault", but really it was just 6 year olds playing soccer. Nothing was ever intentional by either side. My kid keeps complaining to me that he is getting tripped / pushed, but every call go in favor of the other team. Now I am a big believer in having respect towards the ref, even if it is only a 12 year old who is reffing for the first season. I preach to my kids that the ref runs the game, and what they say goes, no question. Well after the 4th o 5th call against us, the coaches wife stops the game in the middle of play, goes up to the ref, who was next to me and my players, and starts to bitch up a storm and pointing at my kid on how he is too aggressive and the ref needs to make sure she is calling every foul, and that something needs to be done about my kid. In our entire cyc season this past fall, he maybe had 5 calls against him. He is not a malicious player. And I have never seen a parent stop a game to go complain about a player. If you have a problem, talk to the ref during a quarter and have the ref bring the other coach in. You don't single out a 6 year old in front of an entire game. Well the result is my kid starts crying and wants to go home; completely ruins the game for the rest of my team. At the end of the game during the good game high fives, I shake the hand of the head coach, compliment him on his kids, and when coaches wife put out her hand I turned away. She immediately went off, and I calmly replied that when she comes on to a field to single out one of my players and makes them cry, don't expect a handshake at the end. Well she ran over to the field coordinator to complain, but nothing came of it.

Even now, I am still pretty upset about it, but should I be? I have no problem with my kids getting a reprimand, and maybe I should have shaken her hand, but she was way out of line and I still think she needs a swift falcon punch. Sorry for the long rant.

 

[oldmodman]

Falcon Punch.

After all. This IS SVTP you are asking.

 

[Tx5811]

Should've slapped her on the ass

 

[spectreman]

I coached my kids' team for many a year. Overall a good experience but the worst is yet to come. Some parents are convinced their kid is the next best thing, destined for greatness in the pros. Wait until you meet up w/them.

Ignore those parents. If they're that interested in the game, let them become coaches.
Lee

 

[derklug]

It's tough, but I vote for open hand bitch slap. I used to ref soccer, and parents can be the worst. I had a team with an autistic kid that would basically just wander the field. One mother would constantly scream about offsides. I warned the woman to leave it alone, but when she kept at it I red carded her kid. It was petty on my part, but the next time the teams played she took the hint and kept her pie hole shut.

 

[DHG1078]

F.H.R.I.T.P.

Those situations are tuff. Especially when the referee is a 12 year old. I think the only thing I've ever seen help is when the referee tells the parents to leave.

 

[SID297]

Sounds like she needs some coaching in sportsmanship herself.

Beyond just flagrant malicious action I don't know how you can make intentional calls on 6 year-olds. It's not like they are well polished and fully coordinated athletes at that age. Way to take the fun out of the game.

 

[Lambeau]

I coached my kids' team for many a year. Overall a good experience but the worst is yet to come. Some parents are convinced their kid is the next best thing, destined for greatness in the pros. Wait until you meet up w/them.

Ignore those parents. If they're that interested in the game, let them become coaches.
Lee

^This!

Sports stuff is fun, but it's 4H, Boy Scouts, band, piano lessons, volunteering at a food shelf, hunting, woodworking, working on cars...etc. for your child that will really make a difference in their life. A special skill and/or interest they can call their own.

BTW: My friend who thought his son was the greatest in school must have dropped his expectations a little last year. As a senior in college, his son was found downtown sleeping in a doorway at 5:30 AM in his own puke. It was posted in the newspaper - lol.

 

[Blown 89]

You lost me at soccer.

 

[kaz109]

Tough situation but I have coached my son's team before and even one year he decided not to play. In that situation I felt it was best to have stand up for my players since I did not tolerate my players complaining to the refs when situation like what you described happened I faced them head on.

I have had conversation and disagreements with other coach's complaining but I am ok with that. If I did not allow my players to have a voice and only speak through actions on the field then I had to be their voice and protect them IMO.

 

[nate]

When I first started coaching my dad and older brother warned me about the politics that go with it. It's ridiculous how parents act. Our cyc team went undefeated. We are a small parish in a rural area, and we played mostly parishes in the "high society" part of St. Louis. The derogatory comments parents would make about our team as we were handling them up the field was cringe worthy. I had one coach start yelling at my players and the ref when they were loosing. 5 year old kids. It didn't last long, we went to the field coordinator and he had to sit the rest of the game. I saw another coach during baseball season screaming at his 9 year old players during a practice over nothing. I would never let my kid play for people like that.

I coach baseball and soccer, and have had the same group of kids for all of it. I try to teach the kids team work and to have fun. None of this matters. I just want them to make friends, instill a little work ethic, and have a good time. My kid is the best on both teams, and I know he ain't going to the pros. If he is lucky, stays with it, maybe , and I mean maybe, he can get some sort of scholarship. Some of these parents think they have the next Beckham or Mike Trout. And the coaches are trying to make it to the pros off the back of these kids. Really puts a bad taste in your mouth and makes me want to move on to other activities with my kids.

 

[carrrnuttt]

My 10 year old son started Tae Kwon Do about over a year ago.

When he made green belt about eight months in, he was finally eligible to join their district tournaments.

A bit of background. There are four ways you can earn medals:

• One is forms where the goal is to show good and precise forms. You compete against your age group and belt level.
• The second is sparring (full contact is the next belt up, at blue), where the goal is to be able to get a punch or kick into your opponent's guard. You compete against your age group and belt level.
• Third is board breaking, where you get points on what moves you use to break the board, and of course if you actually break them. You only compete against yourself.
• Fourth is an obstacle course (based on time), and you compete with everyone in your age group, regardless of belt level.

So my son made gold in the first three competitions, and he was waiting in line to compete in the fourth one, the obstacle course.

While my son was in line, he was VERY happy about earning gold medals and beating out a bunch of kids in his very first tournament, he was kinda yapping about it. All the other kids were happy for him.

About then, a mom walked up to me complaining that my son's "bragging" was discouraging her daughter from even trying the board breaking.

My first thought was: "Shut the **** up, lady. He's ****ing ten, and being a normal, happy ten year old." But I thought better of being confrontational, since this lady's kid goes to the same TKD studio as my son (the competition was city-wide, spread out along the several studios the school owns). Instead, I told my son to go ahead and go up to the little snowflake and encourage her to stop crying (she was) and go do the board break.

Jesus Christ, I lost a bunch of respect for that mom. My older kids have done Karate and tournaments as well. They've won some, lost some. Including a couple where they didn't win anything at all. Whatever. Even losing has a life lesson in it, unless you plan on coddling the living shit out of your kid.

Here's the three golds my kid won during the tournament:

Oh, and just as follow up, my son got his fourth gold later in the week, after everyone's obstacle course times were tallied out. My son got the first and second fastest times (you get two cracks at the course).

 

[DHG1078]

Congrats to your son! thats awesome. Should have told that lady that this is a good learning opportunity for her daughter.


It sucks that this is even an issue at all. About the only sports that this kind of stuff isn't as much of an issue is where everything is judged by a stop watch. But even then, people still find a way to complain.

 

[BJCobra99]

I could write many stories of crazy soccer moms, but I will tell you what I tell my kids: "Worry about yourself and how you play the game, and when you control the ball, you control the score." Found that last part on a Pele quote. I did a water balloon and squirt gun party for the boys last game and they had a blast! Definitely recommended for some bonding with the team.

 

[Black2010]

I'll keep it simple.

Let the ref's do their jobs and ignore those that feel it's their place to manage things. Take the time they are bitching about things to talk with your team about what they are doing well and what they could do better. At the end of the game always take the high road and no matter what always shake their hands and tell them it was a good game. Keep in mind that your players are looking up to you as a role model and them seeing you be a good sport and take the high road will be better for them long term.

Now after the game is over and disperses then set up a meeting with the director to discuss what occurred. It's their job to manage that situation.

If attacks are being made directly towards your players then interject (but professionally) but if it's just bitching to the ref then no sense in giving them a reaction.

This is one main reason wont coach in this day and age.