I think I married an alien.

[OETKB]

28 years married, and I don't have the first clue what she is thinking.
Ever.
In fact, whatever I think she is thinking, it's usually the opposite of what I think she is thinking.
I think something must be wrong with her, because it couldn't possibly be me.

 

[HillbillyHotRod]

This is news???

 

[Nukem1040]

28 years married, and I don't have the first clue what she is thinking.
Ever.
In fact, whatever I think she is thinking, it's usually the opposite of what I think she is thinking.
I think something must be wrong with her, because it couldn't possibly be me.

Yup, welcome to the club. It’s normal, just accept it or stay single.


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[HudsonFalcon]

They're all crazy they just live in different houses.

 

[Machdup1]

Smart men learn not not to anticipate their wife's thought, but roll with the punches in in a predictable manner. To do otherwise is a waste of energy. Once they wear down your energy, they they break they break your spirit and it is game over.

 

[PaxtonShelby]

Jesus - have you been in a coma for the last 28 years?

 

[OETKB]

Answer me this. Why is it that women become less predictable over time, versus more predictable?
Inanimate objects become more predictable. Like cars, guns, lawnmowers.

I think my wife might be losing her mind.
Of course, my mother said my wife must be crazy when I told her she agreed to marry me in 1990.

 

[03cobra#694]

This is a question? I got shit this afternoon for some reason from her, zero clue why or what I did.

 

[cheaneyt]

mines making me hate her

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[HudsonFalcon]

You cannot reason with someone who gets mad at you for something you did in a dream.

 

[OETKB]

You cannot reason with someone who gets mad at you for something you did in a dream.

I raffed out roud at that.

 

[tistan]

You cannot reason with someone who gets mad at you for something you did in a dream.

Mine dreams that someone is breaking into the house all the time. She wakes up and freaks out. I roll over and go back to sleep because it's the 100th or so time its happened. She then gets mad at me because I didn't get up and check out the house.

 

[OETKB]

Mine dreams that someone is breaking into the house all the time. She wakes up and freaks out. I roll over and go back to sleep because it's the 100th or so time its happened. She then gets mad at me because I didn't get up and check out the house.

"You are such an asshole."

Is that how she says it?

 

[tistan]

"You are such an asshole."

Is that how she says it?

exactly

 

[olympic]

Of course the answer to all lifes problems is in the memes!

 

[me32]

Of course the answer to all lifes problems is in the memes!

View attachment 1476265 View attachment 1476266 View attachment 1476267

So simply put

 

[OETKB]

Oh, and she can't turn on a television. We've had the same big plasma for 11 years that gets watched basically one hour a week when Hallmark comes on, and she can't turn it on.

And it's my fault.

 

[VegasMichael]

When I was 5 years old I told my Mom I was never getting married. I didn't and she brings it up all the time.

 

[351stang]

 

[CV355]

Solution:

Think of what she is thinking.
Now think the opposite of what you just thought.

Boom. Solved.

My wife has a horrible habit of calling me at the worst times. I tell her "when you want to call me, pause for 30 seconds, then call." For some strange reason, it works.