I couldn't stop laughing at this

[Havoc331]

My g/f sent me an email & thought i would share with you guys. If it's a repost sorry.

Beautiful Arizona
Just moved to Arizona ! Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place!
It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me.
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 105 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th
Fell asleep by the community pool (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th
I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon. The car now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again.

July 25th
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!!
And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $500 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts..

July 30th
Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now. $350,000 house and I can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.

Aug. 8th
If another wise ass cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire. My skin melted to the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

Aug 10th
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert? Water rationing will be next, so my $2,300 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.

Aug. 14th
Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 122 today. Cactus are dead. Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail. F*****g Arizona . What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??
Will write later to let you know how the trial goes

 

[KazooGS-T]

LOL, that's a good one.

 

[Niks97cobra]

That state sounds horrible!

 

[lancec2c30]

Lol.... Sounds about right though.

 

[speedofsound]

That sounds about right, haha. I lived in Tucson for five years.

 

[werstlna]

Ah yes, all sounds very familiar. Funny thing happened this week, we got up and it was like 55 degrees outside and everyone was freaking out and throwing on jackets. All depends on what you're used to I guess.

 

[Havoc331]

Thats awesome, Glad to know you guys are getting a kick out of it like i did

 

[Grizzly Adams]

Ah yes, all sounds very familiar. Funny thing happened this week, we got up and it was like 55 degrees outside and everyone was freaking out and throwing on jackets. All depends on what you're used to I guess.

If it gets below 60 here it is damn cold. I could not imagine places in the north where it gets below freezing - to hell with that! 50 degrees and I'm freezing my ass off.

 

[thomas91169]

i ****ing hate heat so much. Hate california summers, it starts weak, and keeps going till freaking november! it was like 90* here today. WTF! Hot sucks, if its cold, you can warm up, just put some layers on, turn on the heater or light a fire. If its hot, you can be spread eagle in front of the AC and its still hot.

cant wait till its highs of 60*. Id love that weather year round.

 

[Grizzly Adams]

i ****ing hate heat so much. Hate california summers, it starts weak, and keeps going till freaking november! it was like 90* here today. WTF! Hot sucks, if its cold, you can warm up, just put some layers on, turn on the heater or light a fire. If its hot, you can be spread eagle in front of the AC and its still hot.

cant wait till its highs of 60*. Id love that weather year round.

**** that! I don't mind the heat during the day in the summer, but I love it when it is still 80 at night, going out at night is so much more comfortable. If you want that kind of weather, you gotta head north.

 

[thomas91169]

werd. im too much of a pussy to move though. Family keeps me here really. Wouldnt mind later when i have one of my own, IMO cali is a horrible place to raise kids now, especially here.

 

[Zinc03Cobra]

**** that! I don't mind the heat during the day in the summer, but I love it when it is still 80 at night, going out at night is so much more comfortable. If you want that kind of weather, you gotta head north.

word...

It was warm today in Sac, but I'm looking forward to cooler weather for the next few months. summer was/is super long this year.

 

[Blown 89]

A buddy of mine from the Midwest came here for work this summer. For years he's been telling me about the heat index and how much hotter it really is there. I always laughed at that. Well he finally arrived at the airport and I meet him inside baggage claim and all he can talk about is how great it's going to be to get away from the humidity and into a dry heat. We grab his bags and walk out and the moment the sliding doors open and the blast of heat comes rushing in he goes "Ugh....holy shit." We get to the car which has been sitting in the direct sun for an hour and a half and I unlock the car and pop the trunk to put his bags in while he gets in.....all I see from the back of the car is a large man scream like a 3 year old girl and BOLT out of the car. The idiot took the towels off my leather seats and sat down searing his skin to the leather....he then made the horrible mistake of grabbing the window sill with metal trim to pull his bare leg off the seat and in his words, "I grabbed the door and it sounded like a piece of meat searing on a skillet." For the next two weeks he sported a nice long scab on his wrist came in contact with the metal. He then made the mistake of leaving his mp3/cd player on the console as we went and grabbed a bite to eat and walked the mall for some things he forgot. When we came back the lid was so melted and horribly dis formed that it wouldn't close and he was forced to throw it away.

He called me a few weeks ago and told me that he was at his son's baseball game with an ASU shirt on and the guy behind him goes, "I'll bet you wish you were in that dry heat right now" to which he replies, "If we were sitting in the sun this long in Arizona people would be passing out. This is nothing." I got a kick out of that. Give me the heat any day, I hate the cold.

 

[canibus]

it was beautiful here

 

[speedofsound]

.....all I see from the back of the car is a large man scream like a 3 year old girl and BOLT out of the car.

:lol:

 

[cobra_4]

Hahahaha good stuff.

 

[MoreBoostPlease]

No thanks. I'll take my 4 seasons here in PA.

 

[REX-RACER]

I lived in Tucson for two years and San Antonio for a year. When you live in places like that people say stuff like, "Eh 105, it's not quite as hot today", and they mean it and everyone else around you agrees. I found that people in Arizona don't make that stupid, "but it's a dry heat" statement. If you say that to someone out there they'll tell you, "yeah, kinda like in your oven! It's just a different kind of unpleasant!"

In general though, for me it's not the fact that it's so hot in those places, it was the fact that it was so hot for so damn long! It started getting 90*+ in March and stayed that way until late November. On the flip side though, my wife's parents live in South Dakota and up there it starts getting cool, like below 50* the second week of September and it stays that way until late May. Last year they had 17" of snow in the second week of May!!!

I'll take the four distinct seasons of the mid-west any time. every 90 - 100 days you get something new plus descent precipitation to boot . . . when it's not flooding.

 

[SuperGT]

I've read one like that for Wisconsin and the cold

Let me see if I can find it.

December 8, 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. l don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14
Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to - 20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. l didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

December 23
Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!?! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24
6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the goddamn snowplow.

December 25
Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.

December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

December 28
Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. The bitch is driving me crazy!!!!!

December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

December 31
Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 1
I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed...?!

 

[Gringo185]

:lol: Funny read.