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Saturday, Oct. 3 4095 Wyoming Ave., Las Vegas (corner lot) Larry's tools, auto parts, power washer, yard tools, everything goes. Starts at 7:00 a.m. Thank you! AMENDED Yard Sale (other items will be for sale later.) This is all outdoor items. There is also a Harley Davidson transmission...

Saturday, Oct. 3 4095 Wyoming Ave., Las Vegas (corner lot) Larry's tools, auto parts, power washer, yard tools, everything goes. Starts at 7:00 a.m. Thank you! AMENDED Yard Sale (other items will be for sale later.) This is all outdoor items. There is also a Harley Davidson transmission...

Well, it's official. Today is my last day of work - I am retiring. Woo hoo! 45 years of work. I am stepping into a new place. One that I can get up when I want, do what I want and enjoy my life. No one to answer to, and I will make more money than I did working. I am truly blessed. But, in...

Here's a few jokes for the new year! 1. My New Year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey. 2. Every year on New Year's Eve, when everyone's counting down the final ten seconds to ring in the new year, I get up off the couch and...

A film crew is on location in Kenya, when a tribal shaman approaches the director and says, "Tomorrow rain." The director pays no attention, but the following day, it pours and shooting has to be delayed. That night, the director sends his assistant to bring the shaman back. "What will be the...

At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house." "Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead." "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the...

Oh, those lovely Christmas parties. After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, "Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?" The flattered husband said, "No, dear they haven't." The wife yells, "Then what the heck...

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants...

FRIDAY!!! Sure do miss Dangerfield..... My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night, she used me to time an egg. It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips; yet, she won't drink from my glass! My wife isn't very bright. The other day, she was at the store...

Job application forms, and what they really mean: "COMPETITIVE SALARY" We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. "JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY" We have no time to train you. "CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up. "MUST BE...

An elderly couple is vacationing in the West. Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into their room and says to his wife, "Notice anything different, Bessie?" Bessie looks him over. "Nope." Sam...

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. Well, said the Director, we fill up a bathtub, then, we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub...

The manager hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said, "Oh, sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?" He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to...

Happy Friday!! There once was a Red Indian whose given name was "Onestone." So named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again, I...

Jose and Carlos are panhandlers that panhandle in different areas of town. Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects $2-3 every day. Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills every day, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend. One...

A father of six children had been out of work for six months. In desperation, he was reading through the want ads in the paper and came across an ad for someone to work at the zoo. The man called the zoo and asked if he could have the job, but was told that he would need to come in for an...

A man walks into the psychiatrist’s office with a zucchini up his nose, a cucumber in his left ear, and a breadstick in his right ear. He says, “Doctor, what is wrong with me?" The psychiatrist replies, “You are not eating properly.” Ba da

An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon, she realized she needed an in-house counsel, so she began interviewing young lawyers. "As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a...

Happy Friday! The symphony orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage, about 20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the...

In light of the rising frequency of human - grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. They advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as...

Here's a few "doctor" jokes. I bet they do have some stories.. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several...

Claire, after retiring from a busy life in business, travels around the country visiting antique shops trying to find bargains. One day, she goes to an antique shop in Stratford upon Avon, England. Here, Claire speaks to Victoria, the shop's owner, "When I was in here last week, I saw a big mug...

A woman went to a lawyer to discuss divorcing her husband. "Don't you love him anymore?" asked the lawyer. "Oh, I still love him," she replied, "but all he ever wants is make love, I can't take it anymore." "Instead of divorcing him, why don't you try charging him every time he wants to make...

Kids do say the darndest things... JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?" BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the...

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She yells, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?" One of the Japanese men explains, "Can't you see? We are all berry...