Controversial...is this wrong?

[9397SVTs]

QUOTE-So I am struggling with how the heck to get her to realize how happy it would make me for her to go back to work.

This post is all about you and what you WANT.

QUOTE-I love my kids, they are MY LIFE. I will do anything for them. The whole point here is that the guy (me) who has the weight of the world on his shoulders would like a little help to be a little more comfortable.

Except for the fact that YOU want your wife to go back to work and make more money, so you can have more stuff.

The guy, (YOU), made the decision to become a husband and father.

QUOTE-I think that people who do what I do are what is RIGHT with society...putting their loved ones before them.

Really? Then, why is this post all about what YOU want?

 

[jpro]

QUOTE-So I am struggling with how the heck to get her to realize how happy it would make me for her to go back to work.

This post is all about you and what you WANT.

QUOTE-I love my kids, they are MY LIFE. I will do anything for them. The whole point here is that the guy (me) who has the weight of the world on his shoulders would like a little help to be a little more comfortable.

Except for the fact that YOU want your wife to go back to work and make more money, so you can have more stuff.

The guy, (YOU), made the decision to become a husband and father.

QUOTE-I think that people who do what I do are what is RIGHT with society...putting their loved ones before them.

Really? Then, why is this post all about what YOU want?

I don’t even think I can explain it to someone like you. You’re narrow minded. So by deciding to be a husband and father, that means I give up the right to want something? I want to retire earlier...I must be a bad person? I want to ensure a good future for my family while having something for me simultaneously, so I am a terrible person? I want my wife to go back to work after years of sacrifice because the time is different now, and that is bad? LOL It’s ok to say I deserve something. I made these decisions, and I’m happy she stayed home and I love my kids. Time is different now, so let’s live better. It’s that simple. Apparently you don’t understand that.


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[ON D BIT]

Who’s the narrow minded one?

From everything you have stated, you are the one who is selfish and greedy and crying that it’s not fair. You do all the work and make all the money and your wife and kids live off of you.
That’s your argument correct?

If your wife does nothing at home besides watching Oprah and eating bon bons I would agree with you. I’m assuming this is not correct.

I’m assuming you do none of cleaning inside your home. You do not do the laundry or make the meals or do the grocery shopping.

Does your wife take care of the house and the kids? If the answer is yes, as I stated before she’s making way more money than you can see. The education of your children come straight from her and is also heavily influenced by you. That’s huge money! The prosperity of your home, your largest asset is being pampered and cared for and grown. How do $100k homes become $1 million dollar homes in 20/30 years. I’ve seen it time and time again.

Your problem is you can’t see this because these don’t show up in your bank account every month. But if done right they will show up and they will show up huge.

I say again the most important job in the world is you raising of your kids. And all the gold in the US can’t replace that! Consider yourself lucky and be grateful. Don’t throw it away!

 

[Revvv]

Who’s the narrow minded one?

From everything you have stated, you are the one who is selfish and greedy and crying that it’s not fair. You do all the work and make all the money and your wife and kids live off of you.
That’s your argument correct?

If your wife does nothing at home besides watching Oprah and eating bon bons I would agree with you. I’m assuming this is not correct.

I’m assuming you do none of cleaning inside your home. You do not do the laundry or make the meals or do the grocery shopping.

Does your wife take care of the house and the kids? If the answer is yes, as I stated before she’s making way more money than you can see. The education of your children come straight from her and is also heavily influenced by you. That’s huge money! The prosperity of your home, your largest asset is being pampered and cared for and grown. How do $100k homes become $1 million dollar homes in 20/30 years. I’ve seen it time and time again.

Your problem is you can’t see this because these don’t show up in your bank account every month. But if done right they will show up and they will show up huge.

I say again the most important job in the world is you raising of your kids. And all the gold in the US can’t replace that! Consider yourself lucky and be grateful. Don’t throw it away!

This post is made with blunt force trauma involved. It is not wrong though. There are a lot of things to be evaluated.


I'm about to write a book, so be patient.

Allow me to say something about money. Money is something that we cannot live without in today's world. Money is not everything though.

You're not going to hear me say that money cannot buy happiness. I have had money. I lived a life that many will not experience. I lived in Buckhead (Atlanta) and had an apartment that is bigger than the house I am in now. I had a great view, a fireplace, marble floors, and the best of everything. My wife and I had cars, clothes, and a lifestyle that I thought most had. Stress of maintaining that life almost killed me at 24 years old.

One morning while taking a shower I collapsed. My wife heard me crash in the tub and ran in to find me not breathing. There was no pulse. Her first reaction was to slap me hard enough to leave welts in the form of a hand print. 911 was called. I woke to find myself naked, with a female EMT hovering over me.

The doctors at the emergency room confirmed that my heart stopped. In fact, every time I sat up my blood pressure would bottom out, and I would pass out. My wife's slap generated adrenaline that saved my life. The final diagnosis; stress.

I didn't feel stressed. I thought I was invincible. Nonetheless, my body quit on me. It couldn't take any more.

At this time my wife was working, and running a doctor's office. We did not have kids. Our only goal in life was to make as much money as possible. We had investments, IRAs, two savings accounts, and a healthy bank account.

I realized that day, no possession is worth dying over. My family is first. We still had a good life. I raced bikes and had expensive hobbies. I still pilot a few cars when asked. I've driven most of my dream cars, and goofed off with Danny Panoz.

Today I have almost nothing compared to most on this site. This is my fault. I tried to save a failing family business. I allowed my parents, who are addicts, take advantage of me. I gave my time, and my savings to bail them out of more than I want to remember.

I finally had to separate myself from that situation because my own family was suffering. Out of love they supported my stupid decision. They helped me bear a burden that they did not need to. They loved me as my own dad took everything I had (and I blindly allowed it).

My wife of 21 years is still by my side. My children are well taken care of. I am self employed, and own a music production company. Right now I am trying to rebuild my life, but I am enjoying life as I go.

I don't own a Cobra, Viper, Vette, etc. I have an 04 Grand Cherokee, an 07 Altima, an 03 Ram with a blown engine, and my 02 GT convertible that needs a trans, clutch, and exhaust soon. My life is a polar opposite of what it was. Somehow I am happy. I am content. Things do not matter, people do. My family matters the most.

...and would you believe that I am in the music industry, and have friends that are super stars? They could care less about my finances. They don't judge me. If they did judge me, they wouldn't be friends, and I would charge them more for my work. Lol

The moral: Contentment is key. If you really want to know who I am, and learn about my life story, PM me. I will let you contact me, and we can talk.

I believe you love your wife and your children. Don't miss the mark on that by distractions that are around you.


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[CompOrange04GT]

I was raised by a stay-at-home mother. My kids had a stay-at-home mother. So, I am biased. Raising kids and taking care of a household is no joke. It's a job that lasts 14-16 hours a day..

Dont take this the wrong way.

But how exactly is it a 14-16 hour day?
Say the kids are at school from 8-3 ( roughly) What exactly is she doing for 7-8 hours daily? If you say " cleaning" then there's an issue. Because if the house is THAT dirty EVERY single day after kids being home for 4 hours. Then there is a huge issue.

Laundry is throw it in a machine... so that 2 hours she isn't doing laundry while it washes and dries ( and hell you shouldnt have a full load every day any way)... Dishes are done the night after eating.

I was raised by a single mom... who WORKED... and it was me and my little brother... Somehow she worked 8-10 hours.. and did NOT have 8 hours of housework after her work day is over. I don't understand how moms that work, can keep the house clean and it doesnt take 8 hours, but a stay at home mom will make it take 8 hours

No disrespect intended, but once the kids are in school. A stay at home mom isn't a 14-16 hour a day job.

 

[9397SVTs]

No disrespect taken.

I admit that not every day is packed full of work from sun up to sun down. That being said.....

Someone has to get the kids up and start getting them ready for the day. This requires that said person gets up before the kids and gets themselves ready. That same person makes breakfast, packs their lunch, and either takes them to school or the bus stop. Once they get home, there are dishes to do.

Someone has to pick the kids up from school or the bus stop. Kids should have homework, with which they may need help. Now, it's dinner time. Someone has to make dinner. More dishes to clean. Kids need to eat lunch the next day, time to make lunches. Put the kids to bed, now it's mommy-daddy time.

Lots of other "things to do" can be spread out throughout the day/week and everyone's situation is a bit different. But, the basic structure of the day is the same.

Don't forget that a stay at home mom is also a wife and dedicates time to her husband, as he does for her.

It is much more time consuming during the first few years of life, which by the way, is the most important time. But, I think having a parent available at all times is important and invaluable. It creates consistency and routine, which kids need.

What's wrong with being a sole provider? As men, that's our job! There is great satisfaction in that.

 

[Revvv]

No disrespect taken.

I admit that not every day is packed full of work from sun up to sun down. That being said.....

Someone has to get the kids up and start getting them ready for the day. This requires that said person gets up before the kids and gets themselves ready. That same person makes breakfast, packs their lunch, and either takes them to school or the bus stop. Once they get home, there are dishes to do.

Someone has to pick the kids up from school or the bus stop. Kids should have homework, with which they may need help. Now, it's dinner time. Someone has to make dinner. More dishes to clean. Kids need to eat lunch the next day, time to make lunches. Put the kids to bed, now it's mommy-daddy time.

Lots of other "things to do" can be spread out throughout the day/week and everyone's situation is a bit different. But, the basic structure of the day is the same.

Don't forget that a stay at home mom is also a wife and dedicates time to her husband, as he does for her.

It is much more time consuming during the first few years of life, which by the way, is the most important time. But, I think having a parent available at all times is important and invaluable. It creates consistency and routine, which kids need.

What's wrong with being a sole provider? As men, that's our job! There is great satisfaction in that.

I was raised to believe it is my job to be the provider of the family.

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[hoamskilet]

Is this your wife or your business partner?

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[ON D BIT]

Switch jobs with her...let her bring in the 6 figure income and you stay home with the kids and the housework. I can’t stand housework, thats my issue.

 

[DriftwoodSVT]

OP, would you switch places with her? You get up early make the kids lunch and a hot breakfast, clean up, do all the shopping, all the cleaning, all the housework, all the laundry, meet the kids after school with snacks, the make dinner, then do dishes....

Both of my parents worked full time, and yet somehow all the stuff you listed still got done....

 

[ON D BIT]

Both of my parents worked full time, and yet somehow all the stuff you listed still got done....

Yes, I know people like that too. Starting laundry after 10pm.

Again, I believe the most important job in the world is raising your kids. If you can get by on one income, the rewards of spending time with your children is the greatest gift on this planet.

Unfortunately not all get that chance.

 

[DriftwoodSVT]

Yes, I know people like that too. Starting laundry after 10pm.

Sorry but that's just dumb. Who can't take 2 precious minutes away from their kids to start a load of laundry?

 

[Never_Enough]

Who would want to work when they can do whatever they want while someone else pays for them? Not me!

You screwed yourself. Good luck

 

[IronSnake]

This is why a long time before hand, Katie and I had the conversation of what it means for her to stay home vs work, and what happens when they can go to school. If I'm working full time supporting the family, she's going to do part time. When the kids hit elementary school, she's going to work full-time again and help me pay bills. She doesn't like it when I pay her bills and gets all pissy when I talk about even potentially doing so. She wants to maintain some sort of independence and that's what I love about her. I don't have to sugar daddy her into having kids and breaking the stay at home cycle when the kids are at school.

 

[Never_Enough]

I think that people who do what I do are what is RIGHT with society...putting their loved ones before them.

So those of us with no kids & not married are what is wrong?

Just because I'm married with kids doesn't mean I should give up everything I love, have, or want. I'm a human, after all.

Indeed. Far too many parents forget to have their own life.

 

[Need 04 Wine]

So those of us with no kids & not married are what is wrong?


Indeed. Far too many parents forget to have their own life.

NOOO No no. Please don’t reproduce.



I kid



Also ya I’ve lost hobbies I had before kids. But I’ve gained hobbies I didn’t have with kids. So no change really.


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[Never_Enough]

Sorry but that's just dumb. Who can't take 2 precious minutes away from their kids to start a load of laundry?

The people that over-parent & give the kid a trophy for losing.

 

[ON D BIT]

Sorry but that's just dumb. Who can't take 2 precious minutes away from their kids to start a load of laundry?

Get home at 7 or later, start dinner, eat dinner at 8 clean up by 9 or 9:30, get kids to bed and before you know it, after 10. Happens easier than you think.

 

[jpro]

So those of us with no kids & not married are what is wrong?


Indeed. Far too many parents forget to have their own life.

Didn’t say people with no kids and not married are what is wrong, I was simply pointing out that people who do AND “do the right thing 100% of the time” is good for society.

And to your second point, my wife is kinda like that. We are still young (42 and 39), lets have some fun. Our worlds revolve around our kids, so we should do something for ourselves once in a while and not look back, whether that is dinner out, a show on the strip, or me taking a vacation day while the kids are in school to just hang together without them.


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[Zemedici]

Sorry but that's just dumb. Who can't take 2 precious minutes away from their kids to start a load of laundry?

I always helped my parents with laundry. Weird concept, child labor