This post is partially just to clear my mind and also partially perhaps looking for feedback and guidance. I suppose SVTP is not the leading resource information, but in addition to some of the people I've already discussed my thoughts with I thought just sharing what I'm struggling with here might be beneficial, too.
My brother is 5 years younger than me and for the longest time I just thought he was lazy and unmotivated. However, over the past few years, I've increasingly become aware of the idea he might have an intellectual disorder causing him to A.) Struggle socially, B.) Take longer to grasp new concepts, and C.) Lead a normal, fairly organized life. The problem is, whether he legitimately has a learning or intellectual disorder or not, I'm having trouble convincing my parents that it could very well be a possibility. I'm not sure if it is because he's the youngest child and they're too proud to admit that he's behind where he should be in life and that it isn't just a failure to launch, but a serious problem or perhaps they're just oblivious to the fact that this is more than just being lazy.
In middle school, he started developing the systems of hoarding - although my mom never really let it get too far out of control. About once a month she'd enter his room and just start filling up 3 or 4 trash bags with stuff to toss out. Even into his late teens and somewhat now, you'd walk into his room to find wood screws holding up posters, markers drawn onto the walls with random things like "this is ________ room".
His doorway at 17 years old had a sign he scribbled saying "keep out", he'd tape or screw things up to his walls and then later pull them down leaving a screw hanging out and parts of the poster behind - the were hundreds of holes, screws and scraps of paper on every wall.
One time for whatever reason, I found his secret box unlocked...and curiosity got the best of me as I knew many of his behaviors just weren't normal for 17-20 year olds. I was expecting - hoping - to finding porn or something normal and instead found just random pieces of paper, a for sale sign he had made of a motorcycle he didn't even own as though he was pretending he did, and also a bunch of poorly scanned photos of my ex-girflfriends. It seemed like he became attached to the oddest things and continued to play in a world of pretend even his late teens.
Meanwhile, he struggled through school and experienced immense bullying - later I learned he didn't really fit in with any crowd and sort of got bullied from every cliche imaginable with the exception of a few friends.. I kept wondering why he wasn't placed in alternative courses, but instead was forced through having never understood the prerequisite material. At the same time though, without my parents encouragement, I'm convinced his disorder is so mild that without living at home with him, the school couldn't have really known either. I mean, even here its hard to explain some of habits and behaviors that I took notice of that just didn't seem to be normal functioning behavior. Sure, I could perhaps writd off his 4 week old mildewing food under his bed as lazy, but just the things he collected and the things he considered to be decorative just didn't seem like something a higher functioning person would keep. A few years ago he got a $300 helmet as a gift along with a display case. Not only a week later he took the emblems off and messily scribbled his own designs on it...he was maybe 17 at the time - that just doesn't seem like something a 17 year old I've ever met would do.
Recently, he decided to apply for law enforcement academy. He passed all the physical exams, but ended up failing what I've determined was most likely the pyschological evaluation based upon the timeline other individuals I knew doing the same had suggested. I asked him if he had gotten interviewed and he said no, it was a multiple choice test but he didn't want to talk about it.
At 21 years old, he currently has a girlfriend his same age, and even she is oblivious of much of it since it is long distance, but he continues to socialize more comfortably with individuals much younger than him. I'm not in fear of him doing anything bad or sexual by any means (although I can imagine such assumptions are made), he just tends to find people in a previous generation easier to befriend - its like he's about 5 years behind, but I just want him to experience some modest success and lead a normal life on his own and I'm not sure that's possible without some sort of help - considering its not too late.
My wife works with people who have intellectual disorders and went to school for psychology. Even she was oblivious until I opened up about some of his behaviors inside the home and she agreed it appears he had a mild intellectual disorder.
Its like he's maturing at a much slower rate, as he's eventually started to become more confident socially, although now its more of adults in their 30s as he still struggles to socialize with 20 some things. He's also starting to become cleaner - although, that's partially due to my parents now renting a home due to a flood and so he knows he cannot destroy the place. So I think it'll take some time for him to grow and deal with some of then problems and eventually catch up, but I know he still troubles with learning and grasping basic concepts like math and that might be difficult to catch up on.
He's a wizard musically, and can learn a song by heart without even seeing the notes, but as far as core values necessary to hold a job he struggles. I just don't know where to go or how to convince my parents he needs help...they just baby him and enable him. However, I'm not sure as it is that he could function on his own either without a decent job and the ability to learn things normally.
Well, I guess that's what's on my mind.
Cliffs:
I think my brother is struggling with a mild learning/intellectual disorder that has continued to go undiagnosed and I don't think my parents are willing to accept the possibility of it being true - out of sight out of mind if you will. Now at 21, these problems have perpetuated into trouble holding a job and functioning normally.
Anyone ever struggle with something similar...
My brother is 5 years younger than me and for the longest time I just thought he was lazy and unmotivated. However, over the past few years, I've increasingly become aware of the idea he might have an intellectual disorder causing him to A.) Struggle socially, B.) Take longer to grasp new concepts, and C.) Lead a normal, fairly organized life. The problem is, whether he legitimately has a learning or intellectual disorder or not, I'm having trouble convincing my parents that it could very well be a possibility. I'm not sure if it is because he's the youngest child and they're too proud to admit that he's behind where he should be in life and that it isn't just a failure to launch, but a serious problem or perhaps they're just oblivious to the fact that this is more than just being lazy.
In middle school, he started developing the systems of hoarding - although my mom never really let it get too far out of control. About once a month she'd enter his room and just start filling up 3 or 4 trash bags with stuff to toss out. Even into his late teens and somewhat now, you'd walk into his room to find wood screws holding up posters, markers drawn onto the walls with random things like "this is ________ room".
His doorway at 17 years old had a sign he scribbled saying "keep out", he'd tape or screw things up to his walls and then later pull them down leaving a screw hanging out and parts of the poster behind - the were hundreds of holes, screws and scraps of paper on every wall.
One time for whatever reason, I found his secret box unlocked...and curiosity got the best of me as I knew many of his behaviors just weren't normal for 17-20 year olds. I was expecting - hoping - to finding porn or something normal and instead found just random pieces of paper, a for sale sign he had made of a motorcycle he didn't even own as though he was pretending he did, and also a bunch of poorly scanned photos of my ex-girflfriends. It seemed like he became attached to the oddest things and continued to play in a world of pretend even his late teens.
Meanwhile, he struggled through school and experienced immense bullying - later I learned he didn't really fit in with any crowd and sort of got bullied from every cliche imaginable with the exception of a few friends.. I kept wondering why he wasn't placed in alternative courses, but instead was forced through having never understood the prerequisite material. At the same time though, without my parents encouragement, I'm convinced his disorder is so mild that without living at home with him, the school couldn't have really known either. I mean, even here its hard to explain some of habits and behaviors that I took notice of that just didn't seem to be normal functioning behavior. Sure, I could perhaps writd off his 4 week old mildewing food under his bed as lazy, but just the things he collected and the things he considered to be decorative just didn't seem like something a higher functioning person would keep. A few years ago he got a $300 helmet as a gift along with a display case. Not only a week later he took the emblems off and messily scribbled his own designs on it...he was maybe 17 at the time - that just doesn't seem like something a 17 year old I've ever met would do.
Recently, he decided to apply for law enforcement academy. He passed all the physical exams, but ended up failing what I've determined was most likely the pyschological evaluation based upon the timeline other individuals I knew doing the same had suggested. I asked him if he had gotten interviewed and he said no, it was a multiple choice test but he didn't want to talk about it.
At 21 years old, he currently has a girlfriend his same age, and even she is oblivious of much of it since it is long distance, but he continues to socialize more comfortably with individuals much younger than him. I'm not in fear of him doing anything bad or sexual by any means (although I can imagine such assumptions are made), he just tends to find people in a previous generation easier to befriend - its like he's about 5 years behind, but I just want him to experience some modest success and lead a normal life on his own and I'm not sure that's possible without some sort of help - considering its not too late.
My wife works with people who have intellectual disorders and went to school for psychology. Even she was oblivious until I opened up about some of his behaviors inside the home and she agreed it appears he had a mild intellectual disorder.
Its like he's maturing at a much slower rate, as he's eventually started to become more confident socially, although now its more of adults in their 30s as he still struggles to socialize with 20 some things. He's also starting to become cleaner - although, that's partially due to my parents now renting a home due to a flood and so he knows he cannot destroy the place. So I think it'll take some time for him to grow and deal with some of then problems and eventually catch up, but I know he still troubles with learning and grasping basic concepts like math and that might be difficult to catch up on.
He's a wizard musically, and can learn a song by heart without even seeing the notes, but as far as core values necessary to hold a job he struggles. I just don't know where to go or how to convince my parents he needs help...they just baby him and enable him. However, I'm not sure as it is that he could function on his own either without a decent job and the ability to learn things normally.
Well, I guess that's what's on my mind.
Cliffs:
I think my brother is struggling with a mild learning/intellectual disorder that has continued to go undiagnosed and I don't think my parents are willing to accept the possibility of it being true - out of sight out of mind if you will. Now at 21, these problems have perpetuated into trouble holding a job and functioning normally.
Anyone ever struggle with something similar...
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