Wife is talking to her husband about what she wants for her 40th birthday. she tells him she wants a boob job. He tells her hes not waisting his money on tits, there too much money. Her birthday comes and he hands her a roll of toliet paper, she says to him "what is this for?", he tells her "you wanted a boob job right?",she says, "Im not stuffing my bra with toliet paper, the husbad replies, "NO dont stuff ur bra with it, rub it on ur chest for awile. The wife "WHAT THE HELL WILL THAT DO!". Husband says, "you've been wiping ur ass for 40 years with it and look how big that got!!!!!
A man gets off work, steps out of the office and a bum on the street asks if he can spare a dollar.
Man says if i give you the dollar you'll just spend it on booze
Bum says nope, I don't even drink
Man says so you'll buy smokes
Bum says I don't smoke
Man says well you'll probably bet on the football game
Bum says I don't watch football either
Man says I'll give $5 if you come home with me for a few minutes
Bum asks Why?
Man says I've got to show my wife what happens to men who don't drink, smoke and watch football.
A little old couple prepares to go to bed. They no sooner hit the pillows when the old man farts and says " seven points". His wife rolls over and says. What in the world was that? the old man replies "It's fart football" A few minutes later his wife lets one go and sayes " touchdown, tie score" A few minutes go by and the old man rips another and says "Aha, I'm ahead 14 to7" Not to be outdone, ghis wife leats our another one and says "tied again, I'm still in there" Afew seconds later she lets out a little squeaker and says, "field goal, I lead 17 to14" Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beat by a woman, but try as he might he can't squeeze another one out. Realizing defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he's got and accidentally shits in the bed. The wife says " What the hell was that!?" And the old man says.......................Half time-----Switch sides.
Riddles:
Ray stared through the dirty, soot-smeared window on the 43rd floor of the
office tower. Thinking about the horrible fight he had with his partner
the night before, he was overcome with depression. He slid the window open
and jumped through it. It was a sheer drop outside the building to the
ground. Miraculously after he landed he was completely unhurt. Since there
was nothing to cushion his fall or slow his descent, how could he have
survived the fall?
i guy lives on the 60th floor and everyday he walks to work........when he comess home he takes the elevator to the 30th floor then walks the rest of the way unless he is with someone or it has been raining.....why???
post your guesses for the riddles
A man gets off work, steps out of the office and a bum on the street asks if he can spare a dollar.
Man says if i give you the dollar you'll just spend it on booze
Bum says nope, I don't even drink
Man says so you'll buy smokes
Bum says I don't smoke
Man says well you'll probably bet on the football game
Bum says I don't watch football either
Man says I'll give $5 if you come home with me for a few minutes
Bum asks Why?
Man says I've got to show my wife what happens to men who don't drink, smoke and watch football.
A little old couple prepares to go to bed. They no sooner hit the pillows when the old man farts and says " seven points". His wife rolls over and says. What in the world was that? the old man replies "It's fart football" A few minutes later his wife lets one go and sayes " touchdown, tie score" A few minutes go by and the old man rips another and says "Aha, I'm ahead 14 to7" Not to be outdone, ghis wife leats our another one and says "tied again, I'm still in there" Afew seconds later she lets out a little squeaker and says, "field goal, I lead 17 to14" Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beat by a woman, but try as he might he can't squeeze another one out. Realizing defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he's got and accidentally shits in the bed. The wife says " What the hell was that!?" And the old man says.......................Half time-----Switch sides.
Riddles:
Ray stared through the dirty, soot-smeared window on the 43rd floor of the
office tower. Thinking about the horrible fight he had with his partner
the night before, he was overcome with depression. He slid the window open
and jumped through it. It was a sheer drop outside the building to the
ground. Miraculously after he landed he was completely unhurt. Since there
was nothing to cushion his fall or slow his descent, how could he have
survived the fall?
i guy lives on the 60th floor and everyday he walks to work........when he comess home he takes the elevator to the 30th floor then walks the rest of the way unless he is with someone or it has been raining.....why???
post your guesses for the riddles
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