I'm an only child, and so is my wife. We both turned out just fine. I really only wanted 1 kid but that didn't work out.
Only child!
- Thread starter RI-SVT
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Glad to hear about positive experiences as an only child or having only 1 child.
I'm getting married in May and we've talked about kids. To me the only option is have 1 child and if everything goes well, see if a 2nd one is in the cards. People damn near have a stroke and reflexively say "you have to have 2". Umm, well unless you are helping financially or with childcare, we don't have to do anything you say.
I'm getting married in May and we've talked about kids. To me the only option is have 1 child and if everything goes well, see if a 2nd one is in the cards. People damn near have a stroke and reflexively say "you have to have 2". Umm, well unless you are helping financially or with childcare, we don't have to do anything you say.
I'm an only child, and I wasn't too spoiled, since I had a single mom and a deadbeat dad for parents. As others mentioned, there were times of boredom/loneliness, but I had lots of friends, and those times when I was alone really helped me develop a great imagination to keep myself entertained. Looking back on things, I loved it, and really never wished for a sibling when I was a kid, I did and still do greatly enjoy my quiet, alone time, when I'm able to get it.
Only child here. One thing is I'm very self reliant.
I hate to ask help from anyone.
As a child I was generally more happy being by myself than with others.
As an adult I'm still that way.
The one bad thing about it all is that I have almost moved out of town a couple of times for work. And each time it has devastated my mother. Luckily it has never gone through.
I hate to ask help from anyone.
As a child I was generally more happy being by myself than with others.
As an adult I'm still that way.
The one bad thing about it all is that I have almost moved out of town a couple of times for work. And each time it has devastated my mother. Luckily it has never gone through.
only child here, married a woman which is 1 of 9, have three step sons.. my step sons are nothing like me, and not always in a good way... as i think back to my life at their age, i was so far ahead of them in any category.. perhaps it will change, and my wife and i try hard to make them independent and goal oriented, but we will see...
I think the only measurable difference is that a child with no siblings can develop social skills slower during the early ages, assuming they don't go to daycare or anything like that. If they go to daycare, there is no difference, and regardless of sibling status the difference disappears in elementary/middle school. Although some say it effects the number, and depth of meaningful relationships later in life.
I was not an only child, I have one sibling, and we never got along. My wife has 3 siblings, and they for the most part are very close.
I have one daughter, and don't plan on having another until my wife is out of school, if we have another. My wife had a really bad pregnancy and delivery experience. My daughter is almost 18 months old, and my wife still has panic attacks when she walks into one of the operating rooms for c-sections when her job requires it. Not sure if I want a second one or not.
I was not an only child, I have one sibling, and we never got along. My wife has 3 siblings, and they for the most part are very close.
I have one daughter, and don't plan on having another until my wife is out of school, if we have another. My wife had a really bad pregnancy and delivery experience. My daughter is almost 18 months old, and my wife still has panic attacks when she walks into one of the operating rooms for c-sections when her job requires it. Not sure if I want a second one or not.
Many interesting replies. My two siblings are 9 & 10 years older than me. So in many ways my yoot was as an only child. We lived in the middle of nowhere. I do have issues forming bonds with others and don't have many (any) friends outside of work related relationships and suffer from varying degrees of social anxiety. I am also very self reliant, stubborn, and motivated. When I was more on the technical side of the engineering/automation world I'd love it when people told me something was impossible to to. It was a challenge to prove them wrong. lol.
My wife and I have one daughter. 8 years old. We had several pregnancies prior to having our daughter so the thought of trying for a second child after our first didn't appeal to us. Miscarriages take a toll on the mind and body for the woman.
My wife is a master's level child & adolescent psychologist. So we have a slight advantage when raising our spud. We are very careful to socialize properly and teach her to have a larger world view (she is not the center of the universe). I'm also adamant on teaching her how to *not* be a victim and how to take care of herself. I won't raise a young lady who is looking to be taken care of.
The point is your choice in having one child has more to do with the choices on parenting vs. being "the only child". Are there pitfalls? Yes. Are there disadvantages? Yes. But you can mitigate them by being observant and engaged parents. My largest concern for my daughter is her being alone (or presumably married) and having to watch her parents die. Not having siblings during that stage in her life will be incredibly difficult. I can only hope that we are raising a strong, confident woman who will persevere in difficult times.
My wife and I have one daughter. 8 years old. We had several pregnancies prior to having our daughter so the thought of trying for a second child after our first didn't appeal to us. Miscarriages take a toll on the mind and body for the woman.
My wife is a master's level child & adolescent psychologist. So we have a slight advantage when raising our spud. We are very careful to socialize properly and teach her to have a larger world view (she is not the center of the universe). I'm also adamant on teaching her how to *not* be a victim and how to take care of herself. I won't raise a young lady who is looking to be taken care of.
The point is your choice in having one child has more to do with the choices on parenting vs. being "the only child". Are there pitfalls? Yes. Are there disadvantages? Yes. But you can mitigate them by being observant and engaged parents. My largest concern for my daughter is her being alone (or presumably married) and having to watch her parents die. Not having siblings during that stage in her life will be incredibly difficult. I can only hope that we are raising a strong, confident woman who will persevere in difficult times.
What JKPII said is spot one. I come from a family of five, my ex was an only, we got married planning to have five but due to some medical issues wound up only having one. We spoiled her but didn't spoil her rotten. I knew that she would be an only so didn't interfere when she got in altercations as long as she didn't start it and there was no blood. Playgroups, daycare and lots of cousins provided lots of socialization opportunities. She was like me in a lot of was and her mom in some ways. She is now 37, self sufficient, married, and one of the most giving people I know. Very prod of how she turned out in spite of the divorce
This is spot on to what my wife and I worry about only having one child. I can only hope she is happily married/in a relationship when the time comes...
for 10 years my daughter enjoyed being an only child. not spoiled rotten but a little spoiled. she's very well adjusted and a great kid. i was happy to only have one. no siblings with her to fight with. now she's 15 and has a 4 year old brother and they fight a little lol. my sister and i fought like cats and dogs growing up. my two nephews are 2 years apart and constantly fight. i do know a few people who have two or more children that actually get along very well. kinda weird lol.
I have a brother 3 years older than me. I'd say up until I was 13-14 my brother and I always fought. Whether it was just an argument or full blown throwing objects at each other. I think its normal for siblings to fight early in life. Now I'm the best man for my brothers wedding. And I got him into mustangs which is a bonus.
I haven't seen this point raised yet, so I will. I am a middle child of three, all of us 5 years apart. I fought with my older brother until he graduated high school, and I was an ass to my little sister until I graduate and moved out. Now I consider them as some of my best friends. When we first tried for kids, we found out it was going to be difficult for my wife to conceive. After a year of shots and other things, we decided to adopt, which took another couple of years. So know instead of being a 30 year old first time dad, it was 34. After the expense, time, and my age, I said no more kids. Then on my sons 4th Christmas as I watched him open presents by himself, I realized that some of my best memories growing up were with my siblings around the holidays. Then it hit me, one day my wife and I will be gone, and my son will be alone, figuratively speaking. I decided right then I wanted to adopt one more for his sake. I wanted him to have a sibling to enjoy adulthood with. And a year later we had another son. Sure, I'll almost be retired when my youngest graduates college, but I couldn't imagine my life without him, and my oldest loves having a little brother. If fact he wants another sibling, but that ain't happening.
Can you explain more about the adoption process? What costs were involved?
It's not too bad, but we were very lucky with both of our adoptions. A quick and dirty outline is you get with a social worker that specializes in adoption, they do a home study, you get a background check done with fingerprints, you may or may not need to take some parenting classes if it is your first, make a "brochure" picture book that possible birth mothers will look at when choosing parents, and you may or may not sign up with an agency. The best agencies to deal with are in Texas and Florida since the adoption laws there grant quick parental rights termination from the birth parents.
Now for the downside. If you use an agency, expect to pay $25-$40,000. Hence why I used to have an 03 cobra until I adopted #1, and why I used to have a 14 GT500 until I adopted the second. Another downside is the reason why costs get so high is that you have to pay all the birth mothers expenses while they are in the program. That can usually get up to 10 grand. What sucks is that they have 24 hours after the child is born to go through with the adoption. If they don't go through, you are s.o.l. You can take the birth mother to court, but you ain't getting blood from a stone. We were very lucky that our first adoption happened locally through a friend of a friend and we ditched our adoption agency. That one was only about $12,000. The second one we also got lucky because the original adoptive parents backed out at the birth of the child because the father was unknown, and there was going to be a long process to terminate parental rights. So that one was around $30,000. Plus both kids were newborns when we adopted, so we didn't have the angst of waiting for months for the births to happen and to see if the parents would sign off.
Adoption is an awesome experience. When you conceive your own kids, you kind of have an idea what they are going to be good at, look like, etc. But through adoption I have two kids that excel at sports, which i suck at, and are pretty dang smart to boot. My 6 year old is in kindergarten and his school has him reading at a first grade level and math at a second grade level. Sure it can be scary with the unknowns, but you still have that with your own kids. Plus both of my kids did not come from even close to decent homes, and to think where they would be had they had to live with their birth families makes me feel very blessed that I get to show them a better life. If you have any other questions let me know.
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