Need help! Divorce related

[Oceanside78]

Well...not related, it's happening. What am I looking at? (Besides getting anally pounded)

Background: married in 09, had two kids, had a ton of issues as most new couples do, but when added to a military lifestyle, the tension went through the roof. Fought like cats and dogs, at one point had a gun put to my head (srs) since I've been out, nothing's changed. I got out thinking it'd make our marriage easier, and it's done the opposite. She said get the paperwork, and honestly, I'm going to. I'm ****ing miserable and hate every waking moment of my life, minus the moments with my kids, which take a toll too.

I have no illusions of getting custody of my kids. I just want weekends. I know it sounds shitty saying that, but I'm 80% disabled through the VA, half is from PTSD/brain trauma. A judge isn't granting me shit. Even if I was a priest and she was a crack whore, that's just how AZ is. I just don't want to be shut out.

Any help is appreciated.

 

[Junior00]

Where are you going to have to file through? I know it all depends on state laws and such, but will you have to file in the state you were married or in the one you now reside? I think a lot will depend on whether it will be a halfway civil or mudslinging type of case. If you honestly had a gun put to your head, I'd be very wary of my children being with someone that can snap like that. Prepare for either scenario, and have the facts to back it up. Hope all goes well but it's a messy situation regardless.

 

[Oceanside78]

Where are you going to have to file through? I know it all depends on state laws and such, but will you have to file in the state you were married or in the one you now reside? I think a lot will depend on whether it will be a halfway civil or mudslinging type of case. If you honestly had a gun put to your head, I'd be very wary of my children being with someone that can snap like that. Prepare for either scenario, and have the facts to back it up. Hope all goes well but it's a messy situation regardless.

I married her here in AZ, flew back to NC and deployed right after. Shit show. Honestly, I have no evidence of the gun incident. I just got back from deployment and it didn't phase me, I disarmed her pretty quick, and just drove on. I'm not trying to fight anything. She can have the car and all our belongings, all my money too. I just don't want to be with her

 

[Oceanside78]

She won man. She was very spoiled growing up. No responsibility (life, financially) in crazy debt, collections, etc. etc. etc. I've completely dug her out of her life hole, I can't raise an adult anymore. Between being married to a child, her BS, and the normal marriage stuff, I'm spent. I have no more givvuhdamn

 

[Digital]

So how many counseling hours have you put in so far?

 

[Muldoon]

Love & Respect I've heard is a great read. If you don't care enough to read it and she doesn't either, then call it quits. Personally, the minute a gun is pointed at me... game over. I would bail faster than any bullet she could shoot at me.

Next time (if things don't work out), be sure you and your significant other give the relationship 153%, take vows seriously and try to work things out before getting married.

If you don't want to be married, don't be. You both need to be VERY dedicated to being married forever. Marriage is hard work and without that dedication, things can get bad, or boring, or no fun very quickly.

Just my thoughts but not a professional by any means.

 

[Mr. Mach-ete]

Document everything, lawyers (heart) documents, keep a daily journal. Say and do nothing that jeopardizes your character.

Here in Maryland if you leave it's considered abandonment so hang in there, be sweet, if moving out is the only option get her to move first. Everyone will have their opinions but the best advise, especially if it's heading towards divorce, get a lawyer. God I hate lawyers.

 

[cobrakidz]

Don't give up everything so fast--you may be able to use some of it for leverage in seeing your kids. Once you lose the right to see them it's almost impossible to get that reversed down the road. I know it sounds bad but divorce is a battle fought hard by greedy lawyers. Good luck.

 

[americansteel]

Well...not related, it's happening. What am I looking at? (Besides getting anally pounded)

Background: married in 09, had two kids, had a ton of issues as most new couples do, but when added to a military lifestyle, the tension went through the roof. Fought like cats and dogs, at one point had a gun put to my head (srs) since I've been out, nothing's changed. I got out thinking it'd make our marriage easier, and it's done the opposite. She said get the paperwork, and honestly, I'm going to. I'm ****ing miserable and hate every waking moment of my life, minus the moments with my kids, which take a toll too.

I have no illusions of getting custody of my kids. I just want weekends. I know it sounds shitty saying that, but I'm 80% disabled through the VA, half is from PTSD/brain trauma. A judge isn't granting me shit. Even if I was a priest and she was a crack whore, that's just how AZ is. I just don't want to be shut out.

Any help is appreciated.

sorry to hear about your misfortune and the rough time you're going through and thanks for your service, I too was in the military. army ranger 3 tours and im married 1 kid. im happy that im married to this lady she completes me we rarely fight but we know what each are about, we both know it takes 2 to make it work in a relationship and communication is a key. No pre nup? she gets half! your little gun to the head stunt is going to make you look real bad in front of that judge. that alone will get you screwed. the judge will more than likely make you commit to classes for that before he/she even gives you visitation rights with out the mother being present in time with the children. your disability isn't going to stop you from being able to see your kids. however that might be a 50/50 shot depending on what you were diagnosed with.

 

[Oceanside78]

sorry to hear about your misfortune and the rough time you're going through and thanks for your service, I too was in the military. army ranger 3 tours and im married 1 kid. im happy that im married to this lady she completes me we rarely fight but we know what each are about, we both know it takes 2 to make it work in a relationship and communication is a key. No pre nup? she gets half! your little gun to the head stunt is going to make you look real bad in front of that judge. that alone will get you screwed. the judge will more than likely make you commit to classes for that before he/she even gives you visitation rights with out the mother being present in time with the children. your disability isn't going to stop you from being able to see your kids. however that might be a 50/50 shot depending on what you were diagnosed with.

Wait...what? She pulled it on me, not vice versa

 

[Oceanside78]

So how many counseling hours have you put in so far?

Just over 52 hours, smart ass, thanks.

 

[Oceanside78]

Document everything, lawyers (heart) documents, keep a daily journal. Say and do nothing that jeopardizes your character.

Here in Maryland if you leave it's considered abandonment so hang in there, be sweet, if moving out is the only option get her to move first. Everyone will have their opinions but the best advise, especially if it's heading towards divorce, get a lawyer. God I hate lawyers.

She actually left. Left the kids here with me, attempting to find living arraignments, which is fine. I told her I'll pay all the security deposit and rent. It just is what it is I guess

 

[DaleM]

leaving the kids was tough. leaving crazy, not so much.

 

[Digital]

Just over 52 hours, smart ass, thanks.

52 hours and where did that get you? Seems like if you two put that much time into it then there is a willingness to compromise and find a solution.

 

[HEMIHUNTER]

I'd try and get as much time with the kids as you can. Sounds like she's going to fill their heads with B.S. Everything else is background noise
What's your relationship with the in laws?

 

[Katy TX5.0]

Hard to feel sorry for you bud. You should've called the cops and had her arrested back when she tried to kill you, then left.

 

[Oceanside78]

52 hours and where did that get you? Seems like if you two put that much time into it then there is a willingness to compromise and find a solution.

First off, allow me to apologize for calling you a smart a$$. Had 1 too many last night. As far as progress, yes, in the beginning we did have the willingness, we included going to church every Sunday and really did try. But I suppose old habit die hard, and we went back to our old ways. There's a lot of other things to the story I don't feel like getting into, I will say, infidelity has never been an issue as I'm sure most are thinking

 

[Oceanside78]

I'd try and get as much time with the kids as you can. Sounds like she's going to fill their heads with B.S. Everything else is background noise
What's your relationship with the in laws?

Flawless. Hers? NOT the case, but i think it was expunged. She had a domestic assault charge around 19-20

 

[Oceanside78]

Hard to feel sorry for you bud. You should've called the cops and had her arrested back when she tried to kill you, then left.

I'm not asking for your sympathy, just suggestions in the process. I'm not saddened by this situation accept for the kids. That's really the only reason I stayed as long as I did. Especially in the military as she would have gone back to AZ and I'd had to stay in NC, I literally would have never seen them

 

[Katy TX5.0]

I suggest not leaving or checking yourself into any kind of mental health program for PTSD unless of course you're about to snap. Move guns to a safe location. Almost a given she's going to file for a RO "just because". Don't want to give them any reason to believe her. Basically, just like in combat you don't want to expose yourself to enemy fire.

Most importantly, I know this sounds harsh but you gotta lose this wussy lay over and take it mentality. Fight for what you can or you'll end up worse than you are now. I'm convinced the majority of dads kidnapping their own kids do so because they finally couldn't take getting raked across the coals anymore. They just want to see their family. You screwed up majorly with the attempted murder incident, don't make the same mistake again.