Joke for you - Death of a Senator

313Speed

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Death of a Senator

A powerful senator dies after a prolonged illness. His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the guy.

"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him, everyone is very happy and in evening attire. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven."

So 24 hours pass with the head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well, then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity."

He reflects for a minute, then the senator answers, "Well, I would never have said it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The Devil comes over to him and lays his arm on his neck. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is, a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!"


VOTE WISELY THIS COMING ELECTION!!
 

speederdoc

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Good one!

My father lives in North Carolina, and he told me this one, sorry if it is a repost.

You are in a locked room with John Edwards, Osama bin Laden, and Saddam Hussein. You have a gun with only two bullets. Who do you shoot?

You shoot John Edwards twice.
 

esqeddy

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Originally posted by speederdoc
Good one!

My father lives in North Carolina, and he told me this one, sorry if it is a repost.

You are in a locked room with John Edwards, Osama bin Laden, and Saddam Hussein. You have a gun with only two bullets. Who do you shoot?

You shoot John Edwards twice.

This is probably just what a stupid republican would do. Shoot a fellow American and let the terrorist go free.
 

speederdoc

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Originally posted by esqeddy
This is probably just what a stupid republican would do. Shoot a fellow American and let the terrorist go free.
In North Carolina, it's not funny either. :cryying:

John Edwards has almost single-handedly destroyed the medical climate in that state with his malpractice shenanigans. Tough to find a doc when they are leaving in droves, I understand.

http://www.protectpatientsnow.org/51.html

edit: oh, I see you are a trial lawyer, so you understand how that works. :burn: :D
 
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esqeddy

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You need to wake up everyday and thank god for trial lawyers.

Without us, there would be more additional deaths each week in America due to faulty products than there was in the 9/11 attack.

Without us, the quality of health care you receive would be about 1/3 what it is today.

Without us, you or someone you know would be in prison for something you didn't do.

Without us, there would still be little or no civil rights and continued segregation.

I know exactly how it works. Obviously you don't. How it works is the big insurance lobby and the rich doctors feed you a line of sh!t and you gobble it up.

edit: oh, I see your a doctor, maybe you do know how it works! :bash:
 
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speederdoc

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That was one of the funniest things I have ever read. How are your health insurance premiums, anyway? Good thing you are a rich lawyer. Many people are starting to go without...those pesky food and shelter bills, ya know.

Oh wait, these are almost as funny:

Q: What is the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?
A: One is a blood-sucking parasite. The other is an insect.

Q: How can you tell the difference between a lawyer and a skunk lying in the middle of the road?
A: The skunk is the one with the skid marks in front of it.
 

esqeddy

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Let's see:

Q: How do you tell the difference between a ****** and a doctor:
A: You can't, they both want to stick something up your butt!

Q: How do you tell the difference between the lawyer and a doctor?
A: The doctor is the one you can't even see without paying up front, the lawyer is the one with the free initial consultation.

Q: How do you tell the difference between the duck and the doctor?
A: Its hard, they are both quacks. Just look for the teeth.

Q: Which group is more capable of governing? Doctor's or lawyers?
A: Lawyers. They govern our nation, our states, and our courts. Doctors can't even govern their own profession.

Q: Which group doesn't get paid if they don't make you feel better? The tort lawyers or the doctors.
A: Tort lawyers working on a contingency fee don't get paid if they don't win. Doctors expect to get paid even if you die as a direct result of their misdiagnosis.
 

speederdoc

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An anxious woman goes to her doctor. "Doctor," she asks nervously, "can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?"

"Certainly," replied the doctor, "Where do you think lawyers come from?"
 

esqeddy

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Originally posted by speederdoc
An anxious woman goes to her doctor. "Doctor," she asks nervously, "can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?"

"Certainly," replied the doctor, "Where do you think lawyers come from?"



DDDDOOOOHHHH!!!!

Got busted me with that one!!!

YOU WIN!!!


:D :D :D
 

TnPaulMan

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I hate trial lawyers. Never met one I liked or could trust. However, there are plenty of corporate lawyers I have met that I respected and were very trustworthy people.

And eddy? All of your: Without us....? Come on man. Are you ****ing serious? LMAO. Maybe in the very beginnings of your career stages trial lawyers were worth a shit but just like the civil rights movement and the women's lib movement, trial lawyers have lived long past their usefullness.

Paul
 

LogiWorld123

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There are thousands (millions?) of good trial lawyers, and a handful of asshole ones that make the news.

Just like doctors; millions of good ones, then one asshole drugs up a woman and fondles her breast, and then all doctors are suspect.
 

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