Puns for Educated Minds
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
--------
I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
--------
She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.
--------
A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class,
because it was a weapon of math disruption.
--------
No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.
--------
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was cited for littering.
--------
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would
result in Linoleum Blownapart.
--------
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
--------
A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
--------
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
--------
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
--------
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other: "You stay here, I'll go on a head."
--------
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
--------
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
' Keep off the Grass.'
--------
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from
prison was a small medium at large.
--------
The soldier who survived mustard gas and
pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
--------
A backward poet writes inverse.
--------
In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.
--------
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
--------
A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The
stewardess looks at him and says,
" I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
--------
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, " Dam! "
--------
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank,
proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
--------
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, " I've lost my electron. " The other says,
" Are you sure? "
The first replies, " Yes, I'm positive. "
--------
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
--------
I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
--------
She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.
--------
A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class,
because it was a weapon of math disruption.
--------
No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.
--------
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was cited for littering.
--------
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would
result in Linoleum Blownapart.
--------
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
--------
A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
--------
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
--------
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
--------
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other: "You stay here, I'll go on a head."
--------
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
--------
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
' Keep off the Grass.'
--------
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from
prison was a small medium at large.
--------
The soldier who survived mustard gas and
pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
--------
A backward poet writes inverse.
--------
In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.
--------
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
--------
A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The
stewardess looks at him and says,
" I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
--------
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, " Dam! "
--------
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank,
proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
--------
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, " I've lost my electron. " The other says,
" Are you sure? "
The first replies, " Yes, I'm positive. "
--------
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication
