CobraCallie
Banned
>
> Dear Santa
> I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer
> yer Frend, BiLLy
>
> Dear Billy,
> Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How
> about I send you a f*ckin'' book so you can learn to read and
> write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can
> spell!
> Santa
>
>
> Dear Santa,
> I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
> and joy in the world for everybody!
> Love, Sarah
>
> Dear Sarah,
> Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
> Santa
>
>
> Dear Santa,
> I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
> and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?
> Love, Teddy
>
> Dear Teddy,
> Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
> hurricane.
> Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom,
> who rides his @ss constantly? It's time to give up that dream.
> Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
> Santa
>
>
> Dear Santa,
> I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
> drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
> Love, Francis
>
> Dear Francis,
> Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay, I'll set you
> up with a Barbie.
> Santa
>
>
> Dear Santa,
> I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
> your reindeer outside the back door.
> Love, Susan
>
> Dear Susan,
> Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer f@rt in my face when
> riding in the sleigh.
> You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
> Santa
>
>
> Dear Santa,
> What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
> Your friend, Thomas
>
> Dear Thomas,
> All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend
> most of my time making low-budget f#ck films. I unwind by drinking
> myself silly and squeezing the asses of ****tail waitresses while losing
> money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
> Santa
>
>
> Dear Santa,
> Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
> like in the song?
> Love, Jessica
>
> Dear Jessica,
> Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in
> whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
> Santa
>
>
> Dear Santa,
> I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
> PLEASE could I have one?
> Timmy
>
> Timmy,
> That whiney begging sh!t may work with your folks, but that crap
> doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
> Santa
>
>
> Dearest Santa,
> We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
> Love, Marky
>
> Mark, first, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting
> your @ss whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live
> in
> a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like
> the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams, Santa
> Dear Santa
> I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer
> yer Frend, BiLLy
>
> Dear Billy,
> Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How
> about I send you a f*ckin'' book so you can learn to read and
> write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can
> spell!
> Santa
>
>
> Dear Santa,
> I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
> and joy in the world for everybody!
> Love, Sarah
>
> Dear Sarah,
> Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
> Santa
>
>
> Dear Santa,
> I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
> and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?
> Love, Teddy
>
> Dear Teddy,
> Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
> hurricane.
> Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom,
> who rides his @ss constantly? It's time to give up that dream.
> Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
> Santa
>
>
> Dear Santa,
> I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
> drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
> Love, Francis
>
> Dear Francis,
> Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay, I'll set you
> up with a Barbie.
> Santa
>
>
> Dear Santa,
> I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
> your reindeer outside the back door.
> Love, Susan
>
> Dear Susan,
> Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer f@rt in my face when
> riding in the sleigh.
> You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
> Santa
>
>
> Dear Santa,
> What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
> Your friend, Thomas
>
> Dear Thomas,
> All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend
> most of my time making low-budget f#ck films. I unwind by drinking
> myself silly and squeezing the asses of ****tail waitresses while losing
> money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
> Santa
>
>
> Dear Santa,
> Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
> like in the song?
> Love, Jessica
>
> Dear Jessica,
> Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in
> whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
> Santa
>
>
> Dear Santa,
> I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
> PLEASE could I have one?
> Timmy
>
> Timmy,
> That whiney begging sh!t may work with your folks, but that crap
> doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
> Santa
>
>
> Dearest Santa,
> We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
> Love, Marky
>
> Mark, first, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting
> your @ss whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live
> in
> a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like
> the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams, Santa
