Friday Jokes!

[venemous99cobra]

Quick Joke 1
One Thanksgiving a friend and I were walking down a main street in Albany when a man comes up to me and gives me a turkey and says, "Happy Thanksgiving!"

Without hesitation my friend knocks him out. I asked my friend why he punched the nice man. My friend said, "He gave you the bird!"

Quick Joke 2
A man goes into a repair shop to get his watch fixed. But when he sees that the girl running the store is extremely hot, he unzips his pants and lays his johnson on the counter.

Sir, what are you doing? This is a clock shop! the shocked girl shouts.

I know, he replies. I'd like to get a pair of hands and a face put on this.

Quick Joke 3
A man wakes up one morning and there's a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers." He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.

The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do," the homeowner asks? "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, and then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his nuts and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. "If the gorilla knocks ME off the roof, shoot the dog!"

Until next week... :thumbsup:

 

[TheRod1976]

Sir, what are you doing? This is a clock shop! the shocked girl shouts.

I know, he replies. I'd like to get a pair of hands and a face put on this.

:lol: Priceless! :rolling: :thumbsup:

 

[mblgjr]

I thought that it was going to say that he misread the sign and left out the "L", this is going to be a great Friday...

 

[smuggler]

Thousands of women are gathered at a Women's Rights Convention in Paris one year.

A woman from Spain gets up on the stage and says,
"Sisters, we are making great strides in the women's movement today.
Just last week, I came home from work and told my husband I will no longer do our family's laundry, no matter what. The first day I saw nothing, second day I saw nothing...On the third day, I came home downstairs and my husband had done the entire family's laundry and even ironed my suits for me!"
The crowd went wild.

Then a woman from Germany got up on the stage and proclaimed,
"Yes sisters, I too have made much progress at home. Two weeks ago I came home and told my husband I refused to cook our family's meals ever again, and that he would have to share some of the responsibility from now on.
The first day I saw nothing, second day I saw nothing...On the third day I came home and my husband had prepared a three-course meal for our family and even prepared the childeren's lunches for school the next day!"
The crowd gave her a standing ovation.

Then a woman from Texas got up on stage and announced,
"I came downstairs one mornin' and told my husband I weren't gonna cook or clean nothin ever again, and he better start helpin out around the house if he wants his dinner and his clothes clean.
The first day I saw nothin, second day I saw nothin...On the third day I could kinda see a little out of my right eye..."

 

[SVT4ME]

Nice!