AUTO REPAIR
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it
died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
----------------------------------------
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely
if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me
to
show it to you!"
--------------------------
EXPOSURE
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right
breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are
you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out." he says.
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus
again!"
-------------------------------------------
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another
blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts
back,
"You ARE on the other side."
-------------------------------------
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind
the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his
flashing
lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his
bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
---------------------------------------
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their
heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the
Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going
at night!"
------------------------------------
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was,
"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
-------------------------------------
FINAL EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists
of yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall,
stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of
inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing
the coin,
marking the answer sheet:
Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is
still sweating it out. During the last few minutes she is seen
desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The
moderator, alarmed,
approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in
half
an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."
-------------------------------------
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she
decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local
park,
grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note:
I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag
behind
the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go
straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the
$10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had
instructed. Inside the bag was the following note....
Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to
another!
-----------------------------------------------------
Subject: THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when
his attractive blond female
neighbor came out of the house and went straight to
the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut &stormed
back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again
went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn,
here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then
slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is
something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
(are you ready? ... this is a beauty ...)
My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it
died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
----------------------------------------
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely
if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me
to
show it to you!"
--------------------------
EXPOSURE
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right
breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are
you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out." he says.
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus
again!"
-------------------------------------------
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another
blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts
back,
"You ARE on the other side."
-------------------------------------
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind
the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his
flashing
lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his
bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
---------------------------------------
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their
heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the
Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going
at night!"
------------------------------------
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was,
"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
-------------------------------------
FINAL EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists
of yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall,
stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of
inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing
the coin,
marking the answer sheet:
Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is
still sweating it out. During the last few minutes she is seen
desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The
moderator, alarmed,
approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in
half
an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."
-------------------------------------
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she
decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local
park,
grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note:
I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag
behind
the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go
straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the
$10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had
instructed. Inside the bag was the following note....
Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to
another!
-----------------------------------------------------
Subject: THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when
his attractive blond female
neighbor came out of the house and went straight to
the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut &stormed
back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again
went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn,
here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then
slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is
something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
(are you ready? ... this is a beauty ...)
My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
