Diary of a Single Man! LULZ

[michschi]

Diary of Single Man

MONDAY-

-Finish Work
-Take Sunday's add into Best Buy and buy Big Screen TV
-Repace Living Room Big Screen TV with new Big Screen TV
-Replace Bedroom Big Screen TV with Livingroom Big Screen TV
-Replace Garage Big Screen TV with Bedroom Big Screen TV
-Replace Basement Big Screen TV with Garage Big Screen TV
-Move Basement Big Screen TV to outdoor Shed
-Run power to Shed
-Throw Hungry Man dinner in Oven
-Clean House
-Take Shower
-Fap in Shower
-Look at new TV/Stand back with a sense of pride and accomplishment
-Sit Down and flip through channels, nothing good on, pop porn it DVD player
-Eat while watching porn
-Fap
-Pass out with junk in hand

TUESDAY-

-Wake up with junk in hand
-Fap
-Post add on Craiglist for late night hook-up
-Cereal
-Work
-Lunch, respond to CL add, afternoon delight
-Grab burrito and way back to work, get back 10 mins late
-Finish work, fap in car on way home home, be glad you bought broadband iPad with screen protector
-Wipe off screen
-Get home
-House still clean
-Check email for CL response
-Favorite porn site, fap
-Cereal for dinner
-Shower
-Go to club
-Meet with CL hook-up, its a dude, run!!!
-Delete CL add
-Go to strip club
-Multiple lap dances and rounds for bar, spent $500
-Go home
-Wash stripper off with oven cleaner
-Fap
-Retire for the night

-WEDNESDAY

-Wake up with God's gift to you, morning wood
-Fap
-Drink coffee, pay bills
-Work, flirt with co-worker
-Lunch , go home, fap, make sandwich
-Work, flirt with co-worker, agree to dinner date with co- worker
-End of work day
-Home, shower, no fap, expecting dinner to go well
-Meet with co-worker for dinner
-Dinner goes well, bring her home to admire my BIG.........Screen TV
-Send her home
-Call male co-worker and brag
-Get ready for bed, house still clean

-THURSDAY

-Wake up
-Shower, fap to imagines still fresh from night before
-Pancakes
-Work
-Akward moment with co-worker
-Pretend you do not know her, LIKE A BOSS!
-Lunch, flirt with cute waitress, leave big tip........no pun intended
-Work
-Home, video games, retro game night, Mortal Kombat, Sonya, pause game
-Fap, FINISHED HIM!
-Stay in and watch Sports Center
-Pass out on couch, house still clean

-FRIDAY

-Wake up late
-No time for beakfast
-Shower, still time to fap
-Late for work due to fapping
-Day flies by in anticipation of evening fun
-Home, house still clean
-Shower
-Meet buddies at club, share my glorious week with all my married buddies
-Get excited about shared story, go to bathroom stall, fap
-Carve co-workers name and number into bathroom stall
-Grind on all chicks, and on chicks boyfriend
-Go home with couple
-Get to watch, fap
-Get seconds
-Never turn back to guy
-Slam Red Bull, hit after party
-Get Drunk
-Hottie drives me home
-Gets to touching, nick rack, goes down, deepthroat, remove my clothes
-Take her top off, suck on tittes, reach for skirt, find hard lump, pray its a tumor
-Says there's something she has to tell me, Not a tumor
-**** it
-Finish, best EVAR!
-Send home
-Shower
-Shower
-Lay in bed, comtemplate sexuality
-Shower
-Fap
-Sleep, house still clean

-SATURDAY

-Wake up
-Contemplate sexuality
-Crawl into fetal position and cry
-Discover flexability
-Fap/Suck
-Spit
-Brush teeth
-Mouth wash
-Chew gum
-Grab burger
-Watch College Football
-Wonder if you always noticed how nice the players butts looked
-Change to porn
-Fap
-Realize how lonely you are
-Call co-worker, she comes over
-Bangs co-worker
-Takes her to dinner and movie
-Head in theatre
-Drop co-worker off, head for home
-Shower
-Bar, go home with married chick, husband out of town
-Stay the night

-SUNDAY

-Head home, house still clean
-Walk around with Swiffer anyways
-Invite buddies over to watch football on Big Screen TV
-Poker with buddies
-Send buddies home
-Do laundry, house is clean
-Fap
-Shower
-Bed

Rinse, Wash and Repeat week.




I can't take all the credit, buddy, Brandon was co-writer!
__________________

 

[Last]

Here is the reality

Monday

-Wake up from dream
- Fap
- Go to work
- Come home from work
- Play video games
- Check Facebook, no comments
- Fap
- Go to sleep

Same goes for Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday

Friday

- Wake up
- Call in to work
- Play Diablo 3 all day
- Go out to the bar, come home alone
- Fap
- Sleep

Saturday

- Wake up late
- Hung over breakfast
- Play video games
- go to the beach with your guy friends
- go home alone, play video games
- fap
- Bed

Sunday

- Fap
- Sleep

 

[southern stang]

Hilarious lol

 

[michschi]

Here is the reality

Monday

-Wake up from dream
- Fap
- Go to work
- Come home from work
- Play video games
- Check Facebook, no comments
- Fap
- Go to sleep

Same goes for Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday

Friday

- Wake up
- Call in to work
- Play Diablo 3 all day
- Go out to the bar, come home alone
- Fap
- Sleep

Saturday

- Wake up late
- Hung over breakfast
- Play video games
- go to the beach with your guy friends
- go home alone, play video games
- fap
- Bed

Sunday

- Fap
- Sleep

ha ha

 

[jrd699]

That is about the funniest shit I have ever read! I miss being young, I remember those days well. I fap every other week, enjoy mowing the lawn now, and a night out is a 10 minute ride to lowes with the cobra.. Don't get old my friend, constant cycle of work, watch kids/tv sleep. Repeat all week, weekend, yard work, wash car, take cat tranquilizer to put your self out of your mysery
Oh and SVTP is what you do for enjoyment

 

[joeg215]

Stop stalking me bro.

 

[joeg215]

Here is the reality

Monday

-Wake up from dream
- Fap
- Go to work
- Come home from work
- Play video games
- Check Facebook, no comments
- Fap
- Go to sleep

Same goes for Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday

Friday

- Wake up
- Call in to work
- Play Diablo 3 all day
- Go out to the bar, come home alone
- Fap
- Sleep

Saturday

- Wake up late
- Hung over breakfast
- Play video games
- go to the beach with your guy friends
- go home alone, play video games
- fap
- Bed

Sunday

- Fap
- Sleep

:lol:

 

[coldair]

funniest thing I've read all week, so true!

 

[michschi]

That is about the funniest shit I have ever read! I miss being young, I remember those days well. I fap every other week, enjoy mowing the lawn now, and a night out is a 10 minute ride to lowes with the cobra.. Don't get old my friend, constant cycle of work, watch kids/tv sleep. Repeat all week, weekend, yard work, wash car, take cat tranquilizer to put your self out of your mysery
Oh and SVTP is what you do for enjoyment

funniest thing I've read all week, so true!

Thanks guys! I was laughing the whole time I was typing it up!

 

[fiveohhhstang]

False....a single guy's house would never stay clean for that many days in a row.

 

[SVTCobra60]

I almost died laughing reading that hahahaha. Funniest thing I think I've ever read on here lol. That was awesome. You should do one for a week of a guy in a relationship. Would pretty much be the same. Just add in a few.
-Ask for sex...
-Get denied
-Fap

 

[jenkins_1120]

:thumbsup: haha. thats hilarious

 

[blackbob]

Here is the reality

Monday

-Wake up from dream
- Fap
- Go to work
- Come home from work
- Play video games
- Check Facebook, no comments
- Fap
- Go to sleep

Same goes for Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday

Friday

- Wake up
- Call in to work
- Play Diablo 3 all day
- Go out to the bar, come home alone
- Fap
- Sleep

Saturday

- Wake up late
- Hung over breakfast
- Play video games
- go to the beach with your guy friends
- go home alone, play video games
- fap
- Bed

Sunday

- Fap
- Sleep

Replace video games with GYM and that's definitely my reality,lol.

 

[michschi]

I almost died laughing reading that hahahaha. Funniest thing I think I've ever read on here lol. That was awesome. You should do one for a week of a guy in a relationship. Would pretty much be the same. Just add in a few.
-Ask for sex...
-Get denied
-Fap

I will be doing diary of the married man shortly. I only did this to set that one up! That will be my reality! :coolman:

 

[TrevorR90]

L..m..f..a..o..!!!!

 

[DaleM]

Monday:
Fap
Left over pizza
Fap
Go to work
Fap
order pizza
Fap
Sleep

Tuesday:
Fap
Left over pizza
Fap
Go to work
Fap
order pizza
Fap
Sleep

Wednesday:
Fap
Left over pizza
Fap
Go to work
Fap
order pizza
Fap
Sleep

Thursday:
Fap
Left over pizza
Fap
Go to work
Fap
order pizza
Fap
Sleep

Friday:
Fap
Left over pizza
Fap
Go to work
Fap
order pizza
Fap
Sleep

Saturday:
Fap
Left over pizza
Fap
Go to work
Fap
order pizza and beer
Fap
Sleep

Sunday:
Fap
Left over pizza
Fap
Go to church
Fap
order pizza
Fap
Sleep

 

[fred50stang]

That is about the funniest shit I have ever read! I miss being young, I remember those days well. I fap every other week, enjoy mowing the lawn now, and a night out is a 10 minute ride to lowes with the cobra.. Don't get old my friend, constant cycle of work, watch kids/tv sleep. Repeat all week, weekend, yard work, wash car, take cat tranquilizer to put your self out of your mysery
Oh and SVTP is what you do for enjoyment

This man speaks truth.

Good write up OP, my brothers life is basically that! :beer:

 

[BlueSnake01]

False....a single guy's house would never stay clean for that many days in a row.

oke:

Trash not above can, clothes not above basket, dust bunnies not showing in carpet, bed not being made and no stains out of toilet rim = Clean house. Men have different definition of clean house. As long as car is washed, waxed, and smells like flowers inside,that's good enough for us.

 

[Outlaw99]

like a boss

 

[TJSwoboda]

False....a single guy's house would never stay clean for that many days in a row.

^Truth. I'm almost 37, and still living this life, minus the regularly getting laid part... But that also means no Crying Game moments, so it's not all bad.