dealing with the guilt of being sick.

[ItsReal93]

Will try to keep this as short as possible. For the past 4 years I've been battling stage IV cancer. Almost 3 yrs ago in October they told me I would be lucky to make it to Christmas and only had a few months left. I started with ovarian cancer, which ultimatly spread through almost my entire body because I wasn't responding to treatments. Past year had brain, lung, neck and spine tumors. A few weeks ago I did get good news that I have no more brain tumors! So it's a start in the right direction.I get very aggresive chemo/radiation every week, which makes me sick Mon-Fri. Luckily weekends I can get out bed and do things.

I am extremely lucky to have such an awesome fiancee!! We've been together for almost 6 yrs and he works damn hard to take care of me/us. I couldn't be more thankful, that he's stood by my side through all of this.

I know a lot of you have either had cancer,or had major surgeries and needed help in being cared for. My question is did you ever feel guilty not being able to take care of yourself and depending on others? I have this constant guilt that I can't work, can't do things I used to do, can't help more with bills and surprise him with gifts and things like I used too. It bothers me a lot.

Any advice if you've been in this situation, or one like it would be much appreciated. Thank you.

 

[Outlaw99]

my mother went through that stage of feeling guilty. im sure its very normal.

 

[DaleM]

Cobra Callie?

 

[ItsReal93]

my mother went through that stage of feeling guilty. im sure its very normal.

Hope your mom is better, thanks.

Cobra Callie?

Who is cobra callie?

 

[Outlaw99]

Cobra Callie?

oh god no.

Hope your mom is better, thanks.






Who is cobra callie?

she died in 93' and you dont want to know who cobra callie was.

 

[ItsReal93]

oh god no.



she died in 93' and you dont want to know who cobra callie was.

Oh, I'm sorry! And ok. Kinda curious now, but won't even ask.

 

[Outlaw99]

Oh, I'm sorry! And ok. Kinda curious now, but won't even ask.

just an old female scammer from the early days here.

 

[WireEater]

Yes. I feel guilty when every I need anyone to help me with anything, so I can only imagine how you feel. But you need to understand that the people who love you do not consider it a burden. It's people who use sickness as an advantage who should feel guilty about it.

 

[ssssnake]

You shouldn't feel guilty at all Jesse. This cancer is not your fault. I'm just grateful you have your fiance at your side to help. My husband was with me every step of the way, as I was with him. It's done out of love. I'm glad you have good news on the tumors. I just got an email about a friend who's been battling ovarian cancer as long as you have. No sign of it in the blood. I pray for continued good news for you. Don't give up Jesse - and DON'T FEEL GUILTY.

 

[oldmodman]

Don't worry about feeling guilty. It seems that most people do if they are on the receiving end of the help.

I have a close friend that is about half way through treatment for stage four colon cancer. Then last week her dermatologist found a malignant melanoma which was removed yesterday. So she feels not only guilty but depressed.
Then of course I feel guilty that I can't do more for her. And she is somewhat lucky that her chemo hasn't made her falling down sick. Just sick enough that she worries all the time about simple stuff like keeping her house clean and the kids eating right.

So don't feel guilty about accepting help and love from friends and family.
Just be glad that they are there. Always remember that you didn't ask to get sick. You are not "taking advantage" of anyone.

One last word. Cannabis. It does help with the chemo side effects. Don't know if it is available as a medicine in your state. But after my friend's neighbor made her some 'special brownies" she was able to eat again and gained back a few pounds of her lost weight. And I always thought it was just a scam that kide were using these days.

 

[BlckBox04]

Like others have stated, you shouldn't feel guilt. It wasn't your fault your contracted cancer and this just shows you how much your fiancee truly loves you. I know you haven't said vows yet but for sickness or for health is something people need to think about before devoting themselves to another human, and clearly he has thought about that commitment when he ask you to marry him. I hope everything turns out for the best for you.

 

[ItsReal93]

Yes. I feel guilty when every I need anyone to help me with anything, so I can only imagine how you feel. But you need to understand that the people who love you do not consider it a burden. It's people who use sickness as an advantage who should feel guilty about it.

Thank you. I guess I never thought of it that way. I know they would never be a burden to me if it were them. I have to say I'm so thankful it's me and not them. I will never understand how someone can use being sick like this as an advantage.

You shouldn't feel guilty at all Jesse. This cancer is not your fault. I'm just grateful you have your fiance at your side to help. My husband was with me every step of the way, as I was with him. It's done out of love. I'm glad you have good news on the tumors. I just got an email about a friend who's been battling ovarian cancer as long as you have. No sign of it in the blood. I pray for continued good news for you. Don't give up Jesse - and DON'T FEEL GUILTY.

Thanks. Sorry you had to deal with this too, and if I remember correctly I think you told me before you lost your husband to it and I'm so sorry. This is a nasty disease! I try so hard not to feel guilty, but for some reason recently just can't get rid of it. I know I would have no problem taking care of my fiance if it were him. One thing that helps me is knowing it's me and not him. So sorry about your friend! I hope you're in remission and that it stays that way! Also adding your friend to my prayers.

 

[ItsReal93]

Don't worry about feeling guilty. It seems that most people do if they are on the receiving end of the help.

I have a close friend that is about half way through treatment for stage four colon cancer. Then last week her dermatologist found a malignant melanoma which was removed yesterday. So she feels not only guilty but depressed.
Then of course I feel guilty that I can't do more for her. And she is somewhat lucky that her chemo hasn't made her falling down sick. Just sick enough that she worries all the time about simple stuff like keeping her house clean and the kids eating right.

So don't feel guilty about accepting help and love from friends and family.
Just be glad that they are there. Always remember that you didn't ask to get sick. You are not "taking advantage" of anyone.

One last word. Cannabis. It does help with the chemo side effects. Don't know if it is available as a medicine in your state. But after my friend's neighbor made her some 'special brownies" she was able to eat again and gained back a few pounds of her lost weight. And I always thought it was just a scam that kide were using these days.

Thanks. I'm sorry about your friend and I know exactly what she's feeling. There's nothing like fighting this and then getting more bad news about it spreading. She is definitely lucky that her chemo side effects aren't as bad as they could be. I hope and pray for her recovery. I hope you know that by you just being there for her is more than enough. That's how I feel with all my friends and family standing by me.

It is not legal in this state but I know a ton of patients that use it, and swear by it so I'm looking into it.

Like others have stated, you shouldn't feel guilt. It wasn't your fault your contracted cancer and this just shows you how much your fiancee truly loves you. I know you haven't said vows yet but for sickness or for health is something people need to think about before devoting themselves to another human, and clearly he has thought about that commitment when he ask you to marry him. I hope everything turns out for the best for you.

Thank you so much. It has definitely made us realize what is and isn't important. That's for sure. It's tough, but has brought us closer than ever and created a very strong bond. I know it wasn't my fault for getting it but in the beginning I knew something was wrong and waited to go to the doctor which is where part of the guilt comes in. "What if I went sooner" and all that always goes through my head. Can't do anything but keep fighting.

 

[03snakenvtn]

You definitely shouldn't feel any guilt for the situation you're in. You'd no doubt trade your current situation for a more normal 9-5 job in a heartbeat. I had a buddy that was diagnosed with cancer when we were juniors in high school. He went through the same thing because he could just sit in bed all day being sick. Luckily he made it through it and has been in remission for almost 7 years now. All you can do is surround yourself with people you love and keep fighting. Keep in mind that no one truly knows what you're going through unless they've actually gone through it themselves. Keep your head up. There's no reason to feel any guilt. It's just the cards you were dealt.

 

[svtcop]

It's natural to feel guilty in situations like this.

Those people you feel you are burdening are the ones who care about you most, you would do the same for them i'm sure. And while you should surround yourself with positive influences like friends and family you should equally surround yourself with people who are fighting the same fight. Inspiration and knowledge can make a huge difference in fighting illnesses.


Don't ever give up.

 

[ssssnake]

The only guilt I felt was about other people fighting the disease. You are put in close contact with others who have cancer (friends of friends, in waiting rooms, etc.), and you heard about their experiences. I really kind of felt I had it easier than others. I had no pain really - just nausea, fatigue, etc., and no other side effects. I often wondered why others died and I lived. BTW, pot made it bearable. They gave me anti nausea medicine in my drip, but I was still sick.

I had a lot more guilt with Glenn's cancer.

 

[01Jes]

It's natural to feel guilty in situations like this.

Those people you feel you are burdening are the ones who care about you most, you would do the same for them i'm sure. And while you should surround yourself with positive influences like friends and family you should equally surround yourself with people who are fighting the same fight. Inspiration and knowledge can make a huge difference in fighting illnesses.


Don't ever give up.

So true Jesse do not give up! My name is Jesse also BTW. My good friend is going through Kimo and they only gave him 3 months to live. He's always been an argumentive little shit, lol. He's a good friend and was diagnosed with serious cancer that's In his stomach, spine and organs. When he told me what was going he broke down and started to cry. I felt bad for him because Iv never seen him like this before. He regained willpower and said," I'm gonna stay positive Jes and fight this off", he's a fighter I know he will pull through. So far he's been doing really well and the growths have been diminishing. So stay strong Jess, don't feel guilty you didn't ask for this. Surround yourself with positive people and thoughts. You have to fight this mentally as well as physically.

Good luck and give it hell Jes!

 

[moot09]

I'm sure you have been told this, but you cannot and I mean cannot think that you are in any way at fault, or not going to get through. Look in the mirror EVERY morning and basically tell cancer to **** off. Stay positive, no matter how hard it is.

Guilt is a natural feeling. As said, you must not focus on it. It's obvious your fiance loves you.

Stay strong and I wish you the best!

 

[N2DAMYSTIC]

Feeling guilty is normal I'd imagine. Lost a young sister to Leukemia and recall how she felt. Bottom line is you sound as if you have a ton of support behind you and any guilt you face can be trumped by the positive thoughts you have of those around you. Those people around you are not thinking about what they are doing and only focus on what they feel is supportive to you.

Bottom line is:

Know that there are people close to you that care for you!

Know that they will never understand how you feel

Know that you should always focus on the positive things surrounding you

And finally, Know that you will succed in beating this!

Oh Yeah, and you know SVTP is behind you!

 

[Coiled03]

Yes. I feel guilty when every I need anyone to help me with anything, so I can only imagine how you feel. But you need to understand that the people who love you do not consider it a burden. It's people who use sickness as an advantage who should feel guilty about it.

This.

Just remember, if you DIDN'T feel guilty, I'd start to wonder if there was something wrong with you. It's natural for anyone with an ounce of pride, or motivation to accomplish, things to feel guilty about being if your situation. But, as others have said, there's no need to feel that way. Those that love you and take care of you do it out of love, and don't consider it a burden.