Caregiver

[13BlackGT]

My mother was living in independent living and doing ok until April. Her dementia got worse and a UTI landed her in the hospital. The doctors said that she definitely should not live alone any longer.
After a few weeks in the hospital they released her to a skilled nursing center. She finally got a bit stronger.
Our house is a small older farmhouse and no room at all. We bought a new 33’ trailer and I built a deck and ramp. Installed cameras, motion detectors and dummy proofed the trailer by pulling fuses to stuff that she shouldn’t mess with.
She moved in a week ago and it has gone surprisingly well. I was really worried that it may be more than I could handle. Home health comes a few times a week. I fix her meals and handle her meds.
She was miserable in the nursing home and was very depressed. Asking me to rescue her. It was tearing my heart out to leave her there. Since she is home she has been smiling all the time.
I check on her pretty often and arm the cameras so I get alerts when she moves around. I have a brother that has not seen her in 4 years. Just me and my wife to take this monumental task on.
The smiles make it worth it.

 

[LS WUT]

Bless your heart brother. You’re a gentleman and a scholar for doing such a thing.

 

[COOL COBRA]

Good on you Sir! She looks extremely happy.

 

[HudsonFalcon]

It’s amazing what fresh air, family and the outdoors can do for someone’s health.

Happy to hear your mom is doing better and you’re a good person for doing this for her.

Keep us updated.

 

[Roots-type]

Good on you, sir. This type of thing is not easy. I've been in a similar situation for 3 years. The idea of our mothers (or in my case, grandmother) in a 'facility' is not something I'm going to let become a reality as long as I'm around.

 

[ToddW702]

I had the same set up until it got to dangerous. If you don’t have a temp alert system get one. My grandma would turn the heat on in the summer sometimes things like that. Don’t let the stress of worry get you and know your limits. The days before taking my grandmother to a home were very hard. Make sure to check with the caregiver on their thoughts hopefully they have experience in dementia patients and can keep you aware of her progression. It can give you a whole new prospective of your life. Glad to see she is smiling.


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[13BlackGT]

I had the same set up until it got to dangerous. If you don’t have a temp alert system get one. My grandma would turn the heat on in the summer sometimes things like that. Don’t let the stress of worry get you and know your limits. The days before taking my grandmother to a home were very hard. Make sure to check with the caregiver on their thoughts hopefully they have experience in dementia patients and can keep you aware of her progression. It can give you a whole new prospective of your life. Glad to see she is smiling.


Sent from my iPhone using svtperformance.com

I disabled the furnace, fireplace and cook stove except when I need it. The cameras have a temperature alarm built in. My plan is to keep her here as long as it’s within my capabilities to care for her and safe. I know that time will come.

 

[railroad]

Been there, done that, with the same brother. Fortunately, I had another good brother and sister.
You are a good son. How about a few more pickets on that porch and ramp, just in case.
Made my day. Thanks,

 

[13BlackGT]

Been there, done that, with the same brother. Fortunately, I had another good brother and sister.
You are a good son. How about a few more pickets on that porch and ramp, just in case.
Made my day. Thanks,

Tie boards and rails are coming soon

 

[Klaus]

You are awesome.

I take care of my dad and also my aunt because her son is a piece of shit.

Going through this sucks. But, caring for someone purges selfishness and makes you a better person.

She is blessed to have you and you are blessed with the opportunity to show your love.

 

[tones_RS3]

You're a good son @13BlackGT
God bless you man. I hope all continues to go well.

 

[13BlackGT]

You are awesome.

I take care of my dad and also my aunt because her son is a piece of shit.

Going through this sucks. But, caring for someone purges selfishness and makes you a better person.

She is blessed to have you and you are blessed with the opportunity to show your love.

The transformation in her attitude from depressed to full time smile recharges me. We have livestock and when the weather is cool enough she loves to ride and watch me do chores.

 

[biminiLX]

Much respect.
-J

 

[Double"O"]

I did the same thing kinda

My mom had all her brain left, just no muscles or lungs...she was a clear as gin.

Only i moved in with her while she was on hospice.
Asshole Doc and Nurses at the hospital said needed 24 hr care and could not go home until that was set up

I said well lucky for her, her only child is a ****in RN...and ill handle it until the 24 team comes in...so i did.

It was rough as hell on me but my mother got to die at home like she wanted with me a few feet away. My dad went out in a home anf i saif **** that...mom aint goin like that

 

[CompOrange04GT]

God I can’t wait til my mom kicks the bucket

 

[2003RedfireVert]

This made my night. Well done, sir. Keep us updated on her progress. She looks extremely happy! May God bless you and your wife.

 

[C2tuck]

Did this a couple years ago with the father-in-law. He had dementia as well. It was definitely a huge task but very rewarding at the same time. I am truly grateful we had that couple of crazy years with him. He and the wife had an estranged relationship for 10+ years, so I never knew him before helping take care of him. It was great to see them interact and get along and for her to have that closure.

After he passed it took a few months for us to find our new normal with so much taken off our plate so quickly.

Enjoy having her around. Enjoy those smiles and talks, but don’t forget to take care of yourself either.

 

[derklug]

It's hard. My mom is down to what my sister calls minion speak. Like the minions from Despicable Me, she just kind of happily babbles along. Sometimes when she looks at me there seems to be a light in her eye like she knows who I am, but usually not.

 

[_Snake_]

Much respect to you and your wife.

 

[93Cobra#2771]

As you can see, many of us have "been there/done that". Kudos to you, as it is a monumental task that some people just don't understand.

If you can at all afford it, give yourself one night off per week. Find someone who sits with older people and helps with everyday tasks so you can give yourself a break from it mentally for at least a few hours.

We took care of my MIL for around six months while she was battling cancer. Thankfully, she lived right beside us, but I basically lived with her for that entire time with my wife providing support and taking care of the kids (aged 10 and 8 at the time). Wife and MIL tended to butt heads and I was able to get her to do things easier. We both worked full time. So, we had sitters that would stay with her during the days while we worked, and I stayed every night. We had one sitter stay with her on Saturday, which gave us a little time to do around house chores and to mentally "let go" for a few hours.

Good luck with things, and don't be afraid to ask a friend for a bit of relief, even if just for a few hours.