Bush Sells Port Security to Highest Bidder
Bush’s insane decision to surrender our ports to Al Qaeda shatters once and for all the myth that RepubliKKKans are strong on national defense. Our military, economy, environmental policies, and even our criminal justice system would benefit greatly from the fine leadership of the International Community, but our precious shipping centers are just too important to place in the hands of corrupt nation-states. Under the approving eye of the United Arab Emirates, a rogue cargo vessel loaded with nativity scenes or school vouchers could be purposely crashed into any of our vibrant seaports, killing millions of panhandlers and gay prostitutes while Bush calmly finishes the back nine at Pebble Beach.
Americans expect and deserve better from those we trust to protect us. Senator and future President Hillary Clinton knows this well, and has been a vocal opponent of Bush’s lax security at our ports for years. In the coming days, she will be introducing bold new legislation that will require all U.S. shipping centers to be managed either by Americans, or by those wonderful Chinese Communists who ran our nuclear laboratories so splendidly in the 1990’s. In addition, stringent regulations will be put in place to protect our harbors from terrorist attacks. Using intelligence obtained without resorting to torture, eavesdropping, or asking personal questions, suspicious vessels will be stopped before they even enter our ports. A Blue Ribbon Commission of Hollywood celebrities, weeping 9/11 widows, and Joe Biden will be quickly formed to determine if the ship means us harm, exactly what we did to provoke it, and how many tight close-ups of Joe Biden it will take to make things right. If the vessel is determined to be a threat, the commission will then present their evidence to the United Nations Security Council for final approval, then go about obtaining the necessary warrants to board the ship. Each member of the crew will be randomly searched without regards to race, gender, or sexual orientation, and in the full presence of representatives from both the ACLU and Amnesty International. Any nicotine products, offensive cartoons, or weapons purchased through the gun show loophole will confiscated and melted down to create a memorial to honor the thousands of brave men and women who have died from botched back alley abortions since South Dakota revoked a Woman's Right to Choose.
It's all about priorities, folks. Making our ports safe again will be an expensive task and will require thousands of union jobs, but true patriots would willingly sacrifice Bush’s tax cuts for the wealthiest one percent of Americans to give our Democrat leaders the tools they need to defend us against religious fanatics bent on our destruction.
Thankfully, the Boy Scouts don’t have WMD's or cargo ships to carry them just yet, but as a nation we must be prepared for when they eventually do.
Good piece. http://blamebush.typepad.com/
Bush’s insane decision to surrender our ports to Al Qaeda shatters once and for all the myth that RepubliKKKans are strong on national defense. Our military, economy, environmental policies, and even our criminal justice system would benefit greatly from the fine leadership of the International Community, but our precious shipping centers are just too important to place in the hands of corrupt nation-states. Under the approving eye of the United Arab Emirates, a rogue cargo vessel loaded with nativity scenes or school vouchers could be purposely crashed into any of our vibrant seaports, killing millions of panhandlers and gay prostitutes while Bush calmly finishes the back nine at Pebble Beach.
Americans expect and deserve better from those we trust to protect us. Senator and future President Hillary Clinton knows this well, and has been a vocal opponent of Bush’s lax security at our ports for years. In the coming days, she will be introducing bold new legislation that will require all U.S. shipping centers to be managed either by Americans, or by those wonderful Chinese Communists who ran our nuclear laboratories so splendidly in the 1990’s. In addition, stringent regulations will be put in place to protect our harbors from terrorist attacks. Using intelligence obtained without resorting to torture, eavesdropping, or asking personal questions, suspicious vessels will be stopped before they even enter our ports. A Blue Ribbon Commission of Hollywood celebrities, weeping 9/11 widows, and Joe Biden will be quickly formed to determine if the ship means us harm, exactly what we did to provoke it, and how many tight close-ups of Joe Biden it will take to make things right. If the vessel is determined to be a threat, the commission will then present their evidence to the United Nations Security Council for final approval, then go about obtaining the necessary warrants to board the ship. Each member of the crew will be randomly searched without regards to race, gender, or sexual orientation, and in the full presence of representatives from both the ACLU and Amnesty International. Any nicotine products, offensive cartoons, or weapons purchased through the gun show loophole will confiscated and melted down to create a memorial to honor the thousands of brave men and women who have died from botched back alley abortions since South Dakota revoked a Woman's Right to Choose.
It's all about priorities, folks. Making our ports safe again will be an expensive task and will require thousands of union jobs, but true patriots would willingly sacrifice Bush’s tax cuts for the wealthiest one percent of Americans to give our Democrat leaders the tools they need to defend us against religious fanatics bent on our destruction.
Thankfully, the Boy Scouts don’t have WMD's or cargo ships to carry them just yet, but as a nation we must be prepared for when they eventually do.
Good piece. http://blamebush.typepad.com/
