Bar/Club Etiquette
So I was thinking about this matter while I was working this past weekend, and I thought I'd pass these thoughts of mine on...since most people these days are seriously lacking in common sense when it comes to this matter. Enjoy.
1.) If you're fat (or even worse yet, "morbidly obese") you have no business on the dance floor. Sit down and enjoy your likely high tolerance for booze and just get wasted and watch others "get down"
2.) If you have a mullet, stay away from the dance floor
3.) If you can't dance, or YOU think that you are a "good" dancer, chances are that you're not. Enter the dance floor at your own risk. But you have no right getting mad at the people gawking at you and your inability to hear the beat and be able to dance to it.
4.) The "Chicken dance" is not cool, not has it ever been, and it probably never will be. If you feel the need to dance "the chicken dance" crash a wedding and wait for this song to come on. This dance routine should NEVER be used on songs like "Shake that ass for me," by Eminem and Nate dogg.
5.) The same rules apply to dance routines like "The Hustle," "The Macarena," and the "Cha Cha Slide."
6.) If you have a penis, there is NO reason for you to be on the raised stage. GET THE **** DOWN!! You have no ****ing business up there.
7.) If you are a guy and you do feel the need to get your dumb ass up on the elevated stage, do NOT get mad at the bouncer who is nice enough to ASK you to get down. In most cases you'll probably get your big dumb ass ripped off the thing and probably hurt in one way or another. Instead, THANK the bouncer for asking you to get down and saving you the humiliation of people looking at you dance around like a ****in retard, while they laugh at your expense.
8.) If a bouncer asks you to leave...LEAVE!! Sticking around and trying to act tough will likely end up with your ass beat and laying in a cold, snowy, icy, parking lot on your face with your clothes and body ripped up and in bad shape. Having your buddies with you talking shit and getting loud only makes bouncers more angry and violent. The more of you they are, the harder the bouncers will hit. Much like the casino, the "HOUSE" always has the advantage. We're not there because we're weak and scared of people like you. We enjoy hurting people...and keeping peace, of course.
No one is impressed by your "tough guy" act. Truth be told, you're usually talked badly about by other patrons when your ass gets booted out the door.
9.) ALWAYS tip at least $1.00 a drink...MINIMUM. Doing so will help the bartender remember who you are and they will do their best to keep you from getting served last. Tipping your bullshit $.50 just pisses bartenders off. If you want to tip less than $1.00, keep your money. Chances are that you need it more than the bartender.
10.) If you ask for a waitress, shotgirl, bartender number, and in turn they ask for yours instead, you will not get a call. If you think you might be a nerd, chances are that you probably are. Write your number on at least a $5.00 bill and start praying. Anything short of this will guarantee you NOT getting a call back.
11.) If you think that one of the female staff might be "out of your league," she probably is. Go hit on the fat girl sitting at the table NEXT to the dance floor. She's lonely and looking for a good time.
12.) Larger ladies...the bouncers are NOT there for your enjoyment. We do not want to talk to about life, your ex-boyfriend, how drunk you and your other Shamoo friends are. We're there to work...not talk to you.
13.) Fine ladies...the bouncers ARE there for your enjoyment. Continue to come on up and talk to us, we enjoy your company. It helps the time go by when we have no one to throw out. **this rule does not apply to us married bouncers...we're just there to work** :lol:
14.) Hoodies are NEVER cool at the bar. Leave them at home and wear there when you're hanging out with Ja Rule and Xzibit.
15.) "Skullies" fall under the same rules and guidelines as "Hoodies."
16.) In regards to 4 foot long fake gold, and fake platinum chains. Don't wear them! We all know they're fake, don't bather. You are not LL Cool J and wearing shit like that just makes you look dumb. If you do wear them, and you're told to tuck it in, tuck it in. Otherwise, that chain might be later used as a rope, to drag your ass out of the bar, with. Again, you're not cool, "STOP FRONTIN!"
17.) You're not being discriminated against "because you're black." You're being discriminated against because you're wearing the wrong shit to our bar. The same rules apply to your "wanna be hood rich" honkie friends. Pulling the "race card" and causing a ruckus WILL lead to the evacuation of you and all of your friends...black or white. It doesn't matter, color is NOT an issue.
18.) MANDATORY COAT CHECK means just that, IT'S MANDATORY!!! Pay the $2.00 you cheap ****, or leave your shit in the Neon you drove to the bar in.
19.) It you're too drunk to stand, you're too drunk to spend one more second in our bar. Out you go, no questions asked.
20.) Tip well, be nice to the security (they WILL be nice to you), act as if you are in your own home, and all should be fine. Come and have a good time, but try not to ruin it for others around you.
I hope you all learn something from this. And yes, I did come up with all of this on my own, and YES, it's VERY slow at my day job right now. :lol:
So I was thinking about this matter while I was working this past weekend, and I thought I'd pass these thoughts of mine on...since most people these days are seriously lacking in common sense when it comes to this matter. Enjoy.
1.) If you're fat (or even worse yet, "morbidly obese") you have no business on the dance floor. Sit down and enjoy your likely high tolerance for booze and just get wasted and watch others "get down"
2.) If you have a mullet, stay away from the dance floor
3.) If you can't dance, or YOU think that you are a "good" dancer, chances are that you're not. Enter the dance floor at your own risk. But you have no right getting mad at the people gawking at you and your inability to hear the beat and be able to dance to it.
4.) The "Chicken dance" is not cool, not has it ever been, and it probably never will be. If you feel the need to dance "the chicken dance" crash a wedding and wait for this song to come on. This dance routine should NEVER be used on songs like "Shake that ass for me," by Eminem and Nate dogg.
5.) The same rules apply to dance routines like "The Hustle," "The Macarena," and the "Cha Cha Slide."
6.) If you have a penis, there is NO reason for you to be on the raised stage. GET THE **** DOWN!! You have no ****ing business up there.
7.) If you are a guy and you do feel the need to get your dumb ass up on the elevated stage, do NOT get mad at the bouncer who is nice enough to ASK you to get down. In most cases you'll probably get your big dumb ass ripped off the thing and probably hurt in one way or another. Instead, THANK the bouncer for asking you to get down and saving you the humiliation of people looking at you dance around like a ****in retard, while they laugh at your expense.
8.) If a bouncer asks you to leave...LEAVE!! Sticking around and trying to act tough will likely end up with your ass beat and laying in a cold, snowy, icy, parking lot on your face with your clothes and body ripped up and in bad shape. Having your buddies with you talking shit and getting loud only makes bouncers more angry and violent. The more of you they are, the harder the bouncers will hit. Much like the casino, the "HOUSE" always has the advantage. We're not there because we're weak and scared of people like you. We enjoy hurting people...and keeping peace, of course.
No one is impressed by your "tough guy" act. Truth be told, you're usually talked badly about by other patrons when your ass gets booted out the door.9.) ALWAYS tip at least $1.00 a drink...MINIMUM. Doing so will help the bartender remember who you are and they will do their best to keep you from getting served last. Tipping your bullshit $.50 just pisses bartenders off. If you want to tip less than $1.00, keep your money. Chances are that you need it more than the bartender.
10.) If you ask for a waitress, shotgirl, bartender number, and in turn they ask for yours instead, you will not get a call. If you think you might be a nerd, chances are that you probably are. Write your number on at least a $5.00 bill and start praying. Anything short of this will guarantee you NOT getting a call back.
11.) If you think that one of the female staff might be "out of your league," she probably is. Go hit on the fat girl sitting at the table NEXT to the dance floor. She's lonely and looking for a good time.
12.) Larger ladies...the bouncers are NOT there for your enjoyment. We do not want to talk to about life, your ex-boyfriend, how drunk you and your other Shamoo friends are. We're there to work...not talk to you.
13.) Fine ladies...the bouncers ARE there for your enjoyment. Continue to come on up and talk to us, we enjoy your company. It helps the time go by when we have no one to throw out. **this rule does not apply to us married bouncers...we're just there to work** :lol:
14.) Hoodies are NEVER cool at the bar. Leave them at home and wear there when you're hanging out with Ja Rule and Xzibit.
15.) "Skullies" fall under the same rules and guidelines as "Hoodies."
16.) In regards to 4 foot long fake gold, and fake platinum chains. Don't wear them! We all know they're fake, don't bather. You are not LL Cool J and wearing shit like that just makes you look dumb. If you do wear them, and you're told to tuck it in, tuck it in. Otherwise, that chain might be later used as a rope, to drag your ass out of the bar, with. Again, you're not cool, "STOP FRONTIN!"
17.) You're not being discriminated against "because you're black." You're being discriminated against because you're wearing the wrong shit to our bar. The same rules apply to your "wanna be hood rich" honkie friends. Pulling the "race card" and causing a ruckus WILL lead to the evacuation of you and all of your friends...black or white. It doesn't matter, color is NOT an issue.
18.) MANDATORY COAT CHECK means just that, IT'S MANDATORY!!! Pay the $2.00 you cheap ****, or leave your shit in the Neon you drove to the bar in.
19.) It you're too drunk to stand, you're too drunk to spend one more second in our bar. Out you go, no questions asked.
20.) Tip well, be nice to the security (they WILL be nice to you), act as if you are in your own home, and all should be fine. Come and have a good time, but try not to ruin it for others around you.
I hope you all learn something from this. And yes, I did come up with all of this on my own, and YES, it's VERY slow at my day job right now. :lol:
