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SVTPerformance's Chain of Restaurants
Road Side Pub
Any English gurus want to proof read my paper?
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<blockquote data-quote="WhippleBlowJob" data-source="post: 9312182" data-attributes="member: 38793"><p>Firstly thank you to everyone who read through and commented. Here are a few points I wanted to address...</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I used seemingly aimless because it was not aimless. We had a distinct direction, "north" therefore not technically aimless, but SEEMINGLY that way.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Very helpful and these are the points I saw as questionable as well. You just confirmed them. You seem to know what youre talking about. Thank you for your input. This was just the rough draft and I do plan to revise with your points in mind. </p><p></p><p>And actually the looking at the sky part was true to life. The feeling I had when i woke up and other times during the story were true. I actually was looking at the clouds, I felt like I had just woken from a nap. No pain, no worry. Just lookin up. The rest was just imagery. I may reduce the imagery in some parts and beef it up a bit in others to try to even it out and I am going to add more description between the ambulance and the hospital release. I rushed it a bit because it was only supposed to be 2 1/2 pages and i noticed i was on about page 5 when i decided to start chopping. I left it that way with the intention of revision. Thank you again. I can PM you the final draft if you are interested before Tuesday.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WhippleBlowJob, post: 9312182, member: 38793"] Firstly thank you to everyone who read through and commented. Here are a few points I wanted to address... I used seemingly aimless because it was not aimless. We had a distinct direction, "north" therefore not technically aimless, but SEEMINGLY that way. Very helpful and these are the points I saw as questionable as well. You just confirmed them. You seem to know what youre talking about. Thank you for your input. This was just the rough draft and I do plan to revise with your points in mind. And actually the looking at the sky part was true to life. The feeling I had when i woke up and other times during the story were true. I actually was looking at the clouds, I felt like I had just woken from a nap. No pain, no worry. Just lookin up. The rest was just imagery. I may reduce the imagery in some parts and beef it up a bit in others to try to even it out and I am going to add more description between the ambulance and the hospital release. I rushed it a bit because it was only supposed to be 2 1/2 pages and i noticed i was on about page 5 when i decided to start chopping. I left it that way with the intention of revision. Thank you again. I can PM you the final draft if you are interested before Tuesday. [/QUOTE]
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SVTPerformance's Chain of Restaurants
Road Side Pub
Any English gurus want to proof read my paper?
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