Sounds like my ex wife. Get to steppin
A question my GF would like feedback on about our relationship....
- Thread starter Blk91stang
- Start date
If she's at the point where she's been with you a year and living with you and shes entertaining the idea of throwing it all away over something so petty then she needs to hit the old dusty trail. If you don't do it now she's going to do it the next time something comes up
You aren't sticking up for her, your sticking up for yourself. Your ex-wife was a huge part of your life, and your gf talking shit about her "style" or whatever constantly is also indirectly attacking you.
Why is it you are over your ex-wife, but she isn't? Your ex-wife was a huge part of your life, and there is no getting around that. You have lots of stories and things that included her, and your GF has to be ok with that. Sounds like she isn't.
My wife has been a huge part of my life for 12-13 years now. We were great friends before we sstarted dating. If we ever split up for some reason, i'd probably have a problem with someone talking shit about her every day.
Some criticism is ok, but constant is unacceptable imho. How can your relationship be happy when its constant negatives about your previous relationship?
Why is it you are over your ex-wife, but she isn't? Your ex-wife was a huge part of your life, and there is no getting around that. You have lots of stories and things that included her, and your GF has to be ok with that. Sounds like she isn't.
My wife has been a huge part of my life for 12-13 years now. We were great friends before we sstarted dating. If we ever split up for some reason, i'd probably have a problem with someone talking shit about her every day.
Some criticism is ok, but constant is unacceptable imho. How can your relationship be happy when its constant negatives about your previous relationship?
Unless you're doing something dumb like accidently addressing your girlfriend by your ex-wife's name, I'd say your girlfriend is better off not speaking about your ex at all. Do you ever talk about her ex? If so, stop.
Thanks for the replies. She really is a great girl all around although it seems there are trust issues lingering from late last year and earlier this year with the texts from girls as I mentioned in the last page. I never intended on cheating or hurting her at that time and told anyone that had signs of being interested in me that I'm off the market. It was down to a couple girls I knew for a 15+ years that I had causal conversations with. I ended those.
Our ex's only got brought up if the conversation is humane and she/I asked questions about them. I gave honest responses and so did she. I saw no issues with this although I won't do it anymore after this.
In response to how often she mentions the ex, it's not often. Probably once every couple months at most. It gets brought up when she finds things around the house she figures weren't from my Father's Estate or something I picked out. Most of the time I brush it off. I happened to make a comment when she said the candle holders were probably cheap because it was probably from my wedding (I told her at the time that she asked about them and we donated it that it's likely a leftover from her or the wedding instead of being my Father's. I didn't know for sure which is why I just left them on the table and eventually said yeah lets donate it, I have no attachment to them). I asked her on what basis she could make such a statement and she should have just said that she wants to get new ones for us because she wants everything to be about us if it bothered her. Saying it was probably cheap because it could have been hers makes no sense and was a stab at her and me too. She finally apologized this morning for saying that but is 100% stuck on me "defending" my ex and she won't change her mind on that.
This seems to be a case of a buildup inside of lingering trust issues from previous relationships and ours that is a ticking time bomb at any moment's notice. I have tried to remove any doubt but it instantly gets erased when something like this rears its head. It's to the point where I agrees to her request to look through my phone's email and messages and when she didn't find anything, she said I could have deleted them. I didn't delete anything and when she said that I mentioned if she's that stuck with severe trust issues that there is always doubt even if I prove her tests of trust, that's her problem and not mine and the relationship is toast.
It's becoming a drain on me at this point... and it sucks to throw it away because of this issue I never saw coming. She has a lot of potential but also has trust issues that are hard to overcome. I didn't know she had this in her. Live and learn I suppose.
Our ex's only got brought up if the conversation is humane and she/I asked questions about them. I gave honest responses and so did she. I saw no issues with this although I won't do it anymore after this.
In response to how often she mentions the ex, it's not often. Probably once every couple months at most. It gets brought up when she finds things around the house she figures weren't from my Father's Estate or something I picked out. Most of the time I brush it off. I happened to make a comment when she said the candle holders were probably cheap because it was probably from my wedding (I told her at the time that she asked about them and we donated it that it's likely a leftover from her or the wedding instead of being my Father's. I didn't know for sure which is why I just left them on the table and eventually said yeah lets donate it, I have no attachment to them). I asked her on what basis she could make such a statement and she should have just said that she wants to get new ones for us because she wants everything to be about us if it bothered her. Saying it was probably cheap because it could have been hers makes no sense and was a stab at her and me too. She finally apologized this morning for saying that but is 100% stuck on me "defending" my ex and she won't change her mind on that.
This seems to be a case of a buildup inside of lingering trust issues from previous relationships and ours that is a ticking time bomb at any moment's notice. I have tried to remove any doubt but it instantly gets erased when something like this rears its head. It's to the point where I agrees to her request to look through my phone's email and messages and when she didn't find anything, she said I could have deleted them. I didn't delete anything and when she said that I mentioned if she's that stuck with severe trust issues that there is always doubt even if I prove her tests of trust, that's her problem and not mine and the relationship is toast.
It's becoming a drain on me at this point... and it sucks to throw it away because of this issue I never saw coming. She has a lot of potential but also has trust issues that are hard to overcome. I didn't know she had this in her. Live and learn I suppose.
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tell her to grow up and act her age! just imagine the shit she will talk about you after your finished dealing with her BS!!!
I think we're making assumptions here.
I'm going to need cliffs and pics to make any decision.
nope no assuption here.... been there before with the same type of chic.
some ppl jus wanna run their mouth about anything and everything and rarely have anything good to say about anyone and talking shit about someones EX is childish and immature so yea she needs to grow up!
some ppl jus wanna run their mouth about anything and everything and rarely have anything good to say about anyone and talking shit about someones EX is childish and immature so yea she needs to grow up!
The assumption was the GF isn't 12.
To me it does sound like you are taking up for her, Which in my opinion is almost normal, Only because you were together soooo long.
My brother went through a similar situation , Only there is kids involved.
His ex wife really abused pills, weed, alcohol to the point it made permanent damage we believe.... Mentally , anyhow they've been separated for about 3 years now, and till this day she gives him the shit end of the stick, kind of trying to stab him every chance she gets. After they divorced she would intentionally try and ruin his new relationships and succeeded a lot.
he cared so much for her to the point like he was in your shoes...
FINALLY after 3 yrs, He found a girl to make him more mature about the situation of his ex that it made him realize that he shouldn't care for her no more and now he does not at all take up for her, He realizes the type of person she is, and all is good now.
It sounds normal , But within time it'll go away.
And your newer girl needs to realize that 10 years plus marriage isn't a 1 year relationship.... It takes time for some of us guys to detach and move on....
My wife and I argue about when the pasta is finished cooking. She likes it more al dente and I prefer it just ever so slightly over cooked. We have come to blows over this issue.
You guys must be Italian.
Sounds like you traded one problem for another OP. This circle of depression you're in is not good for your health. If you're new girl can't handle this situation like an adult then let her go.
LOL. My exwife was a loon. Lasted all of year. Every now and then she'll send me a feeler if I want to be friends..(linkedin/facebook). **** that nonsense. There is a reason we aren't together. So I wouldn't take up for her.
Cliffs are in my OP. The rest are the details for those daring enough to delve into the relationship.
I don't want to post pics in this thread although she is a 10/10. Beauty doesn't make up for situations like this though!
Sounds like shes desperate.
Now you have to post pics, or ban. Knowingly posting untrue information on the forum is a ban-able offense. Right @03cobra#694 ?
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