I drive the '91 fox, and I was on my way to dropping off a friend who lives about 50 miles away. I beat the M5 in a highway pull from 40mph roll.
Now, I know what you're thinking, "Lies! Slander! Heresy! Witchcraft!". But no, pull up a chair and let me regale you with a tale of triumph, a tale of ghouls and goblins, of wizards and warl-.. Well no not really just beating a dude who doesn't know how to drive.
So, I am at a red light with my friend in the passenger waiting to merge on to the freeway. As we're chatting the San Diego traffic away, I hear the unmistakable sound of an ebay special blowoff valve right behind me. Curious as to what fire-breathing behemoth lurks in my rear view, I take a peek, and behold the glory that is a new M5. White as the angels wings that had graced us pitiful mortals with this pinnacle of perfection that is BMW. I didn't even have time to wipe the semen that had splatted inside of my underpants before he had violated my eardrums with compressed air. While I was awestruck by the peerless beauty of this masterpiece, I hadn't noticed the light had turned green. So I merge on to the freeway only to be blessed yet again and have that magnificent automobile follow me on to said freeway, only something was off. As we had started our journey together, I heard the unmistakable sound of grinding gears. Surely, it was I who had mis-shifted. BMW drivers are among the highest tier of drivers, not even professional rallyists may compare. Surely it was me.
Woe to he who does not immediately pull over and let the master race BMW driver pull to the head of the pack, as is their rightful place. As I began to accelerate to highway speeds, the god machine behind me was making all kinds of attempts to get in front, I dare say he tried to phase through the cement dividers on both sides. and he eventually did pass me as the dividers ended, again, accompanied by the sound of grinding gears. Of course, I was very curious by this point. Who could possibly defile god's gift to this world by not knowing how to properly shift it? I had to know, and I sped up to see who was behind the wheel of this veritable harbinger of the end of domestic car manufacturing.
As I pull up next to the driver, I see what could only be described as a middle school dropout, snap back, with a hood on and shades. Accompanied by what I assume was some form of high class hooker in the passenger seat. Outraged by this offense to the BMW namesake, I drop into 4th gear, and feather the gas to gain his attention. I did so, and also grabbed the attention of his passenger, who chuckled at my faded paint, and dents. For who was I, in my two and a half decade old mustang to challenge the all mighty? He gives me the go ahead and honks. Once, twice, and on the third he took off. I was not far behind though, and only seconds later I heard again the clunking and grinding of gears who no doubt have had enough of this kids shit. As I sailed past him, I could see the betrayal, the anguish on his face, knowing he had just lost to a bone stock, 25 year old mustang, and the laughter of his high class prostitute.
Now, I know what you're thinking, "Lies! Slander! Heresy! Witchcraft!". But no, pull up a chair and let me regale you with a tale of triumph, a tale of ghouls and goblins, of wizards and warl-.. Well no not really just beating a dude who doesn't know how to drive.
So, I am at a red light with my friend in the passenger waiting to merge on to the freeway. As we're chatting the San Diego traffic away, I hear the unmistakable sound of an ebay special blowoff valve right behind me. Curious as to what fire-breathing behemoth lurks in my rear view, I take a peek, and behold the glory that is a new M5. White as the angels wings that had graced us pitiful mortals with this pinnacle of perfection that is BMW. I didn't even have time to wipe the semen that had splatted inside of my underpants before he had violated my eardrums with compressed air. While I was awestruck by the peerless beauty of this masterpiece, I hadn't noticed the light had turned green. So I merge on to the freeway only to be blessed yet again and have that magnificent automobile follow me on to said freeway, only something was off. As we had started our journey together, I heard the unmistakable sound of grinding gears. Surely, it was I who had mis-shifted. BMW drivers are among the highest tier of drivers, not even professional rallyists may compare. Surely it was me.
Woe to he who does not immediately pull over and let the master race BMW driver pull to the head of the pack, as is their rightful place. As I began to accelerate to highway speeds, the god machine behind me was making all kinds of attempts to get in front, I dare say he tried to phase through the cement dividers on both sides. and he eventually did pass me as the dividers ended, again, accompanied by the sound of grinding gears. Of course, I was very curious by this point. Who could possibly defile god's gift to this world by not knowing how to properly shift it? I had to know, and I sped up to see who was behind the wheel of this veritable harbinger of the end of domestic car manufacturing.
As I pull up next to the driver, I see what could only be described as a middle school dropout, snap back, with a hood on and shades. Accompanied by what I assume was some form of high class hooker in the passenger seat. Outraged by this offense to the BMW namesake, I drop into 4th gear, and feather the gas to gain his attention. I did so, and also grabbed the attention of his passenger, who chuckled at my faded paint, and dents. For who was I, in my two and a half decade old mustang to challenge the all mighty? He gives me the go ahead and honks. Once, twice, and on the third he took off. I was not far behind though, and only seconds later I heard again the clunking and grinding of gears who no doubt have had enough of this kids shit. As I sailed past him, I could see the betrayal, the anguish on his face, knowing he had just lost to a bone stock, 25 year old mustang, and the laughter of his high class prostitute.
oke:
