This will be a long post, and I’m sorry but I skip around a lot. Sorry if this is the wrong forum, mods move it to the right one if necessary.
I lost the greatest man I have ever known in my life, my grandfather. It’s been 4 weeks since his passing and I’ve only been able to tell a few about how hard it is. Maybe this is part of the morning process, I don’t know, but I just hope this helps.
I find myself constantly wishing I could’ve seen him one last time before his passing. It was early in the year, before the virus started, was the last time I saw him in person. He lived at 24 hour care nursing home, and they were the first to be off limits. I got to talk to him on FaceTime, thanks to a nurse, only a handful of times after we weren’t allowed to see him. Something that’s difficult to bear is I had two chances to see him. I wanted to but my thoughts were I had the virus before and they wouldn’t let me see him. I dealt with people constantly and that furthered the suspension I wouldn’t be permitted to see him. They would only allow two people and you had to be in hazmat suits. Now I wish I would’ve seen him just one last time. Something that haunts me. They believed he died by complications of pneumonia. He was 92.
I can remember when I was little that this man seemed indestructible. He was a body builder after all. While also being a full time English teacher at a highschool. His size wasn’t as impressive as the photos of his youth but he looked pretty good for his age. He never competed due to his thick skin, he didn’t have the definition, but he had the size. But as gentle and kind as his heart was you’d never guess it by his stature.
He had a love for his fellow man that I have yet to see rivaled. He wouldn’t have known any of you but he would still give you the shirt off his back without a second thought. In my entire existence I can’t recall a time I’ve ever seen this man being ugly to anyone, even when joking around. And everyone that knew him or had him as a teacher had not one bad thing to say about him. If he could help you he would. He had an ironclad belief in honesty. He would tell you the truth regardless of if it made him look like a fool. If the truth would hurt you he would try to be as gentle as possible. It would be followed by encouragement to do better or the right thing. I don’t recall him ever bringing others down but rather lifting them up.
As I’ve grown older, through our conversations, I quickly came to realize the wisdom this man had was absolutely astonishing. I spoke to him about some stories of my 96 year old neighbor has shared with me about his experiences in WW2 (merchant seaman, who transported supplies to the armed forces over seas). Nearly every time my grandfather would make comments about my neighbors experiences; it would cause me to look at it in ways I never would’ve on my own. He did this with pretty much everything we discussed. I made the comment that even with 20 lifetimes I couldn’t achieve his level of wisdom.
Even with the loss of my grandmother he never really showed his sadness. You knew it was there but he wouldn’t show you. All the nurses at the nursing home said he was a joy to take care of. He was always positive and thankful. Even when he had every right to be upset, ugly, and mean; he never was. He said once or twice that there will be only one word on his gravestone, integrity. If he said he was going to do something it was etched in stone to happen. Whether it be he wanted something, help you, go to a place, become better; it didn’t matter. I don’t know many who could say that about themselves.
As a teacher he had many students over his decades of teaching. After teaching his students during the day he would assist adults in their education to acquire a GED. I asked him about his students one time, and asked if he could recall having any geniuses in his class. His response was if they were geniuses I wouldn’t know if they were. There were some good and some bad but most did well. He would also paint buildings in the summer with assistance from other fellow teachers. In his retirement he would write short stories about anything. If he saw a bug that peaked his interest, a table cloth with an interesting design, a peculiar looking tree, experiences in his life, it didn’t matter, if he thought about it he wrote it. He’s my favorite author. I heard about one of his students asking him about wanting to start lifting weights. He asked why he didn’t ask the PE teacher as he was large like my grandfather. The student said he did and the PE teacher shrugged it off like it would be a wast of time. Maybe it was arrogance of the PE teacher? The student said he thought my grandfather wouldn’t turn him away. My grandfather said no he wouldn’t.
He was an avid church goer, and even had a license to preach if it called for it. His preacher tried to find him for the better part of a year since his arrival at the nursing home. Something I found comfort in, as he loved him as much as we do. He could’ve had almost any girl on this planet he wanted but he choose my grandmother. Who had two boys at the time they met, my father and my uncle. My grandmother wouldn’t let their biological father be in their lives even after they were able to drive to see him on their own. She was against it. I don’t believe it was absolutely intentional as she was on medication for many, many, many years that changed who she was. So this man was their father and raised them as his own. It was to the point my father and uncle called him, dad. We are as much his as he is ours. He never discriminated between my father and uncle and his two daughters he had with my grandmother. He told my father that he wanted him to be head of his estate as he was the oldest. Not once was there any discrimination, even amongst his grandchildren and the later generations.
He was subject to elderly abuse on multiple accounts, but with his dementia he couldn’t remember what happened. It took a while but he started catching on to what was going on. The bank wanted him prosecute one of the family members, but he wouldn’t. Though he was disappointed in what happened; he didn’t hesitate to deny the banks attempts at prosecution.
While he was in the nursing home we got to speak alone every now and then. I’m grateful I got tell him how I truly felt. That even though we weren’t related by blood; he is as much my grandfather as my biological ones. And if I become half the man he is, that would be more than enough. Though only four people on this planet know this he was my inspiration to write my own story. He was always uplifting and encouraged you to pursue your interests.
Towards the end he’s demeanor started changing. He started talking less and less. I was with him one time and while the nurse was checking on him he made a comment. “I’m ready to die.” I’ve been bullied and insulted when I was young, but this is the single sentence that was more painful than anything I’ve ever heard. It was painful to see such a man who you thought was invincible, start wearing down and loosing himself. I keep trying to tell myself that he is with my grandmother in eternity, and that’s truly what he wanted. To be with my grandmother again. It’s hard. I’ve admitted I was a piece of crap for a portion of my life and well one day I had enough of it. I truly believe the greatest blessing in my life is to have known such a man who now I’ve tried to model myself after. I struggle with it constantly but to be as good as him is what I want to be.
The world lost someone so special and good but heaven gained one of the brightest angels. Gone but never forgotten and much loved. Rest In Peace grandpa, I love you so much.
Robert William Crabtree
June 19, 1928 - October 15, 2020
Pick your poison.
I lost the greatest man I have ever known in my life, my grandfather. It’s been 4 weeks since his passing and I’ve only been able to tell a few about how hard it is. Maybe this is part of the morning process, I don’t know, but I just hope this helps.
I find myself constantly wishing I could’ve seen him one last time before his passing. It was early in the year, before the virus started, was the last time I saw him in person. He lived at 24 hour care nursing home, and they were the first to be off limits. I got to talk to him on FaceTime, thanks to a nurse, only a handful of times after we weren’t allowed to see him. Something that’s difficult to bear is I had two chances to see him. I wanted to but my thoughts were I had the virus before and they wouldn’t let me see him. I dealt with people constantly and that furthered the suspension I wouldn’t be permitted to see him. They would only allow two people and you had to be in hazmat suits. Now I wish I would’ve seen him just one last time. Something that haunts me. They believed he died by complications of pneumonia. He was 92.
I can remember when I was little that this man seemed indestructible. He was a body builder after all. While also being a full time English teacher at a highschool. His size wasn’t as impressive as the photos of his youth but he looked pretty good for his age. He never competed due to his thick skin, he didn’t have the definition, but he had the size. But as gentle and kind as his heart was you’d never guess it by his stature.
He had a love for his fellow man that I have yet to see rivaled. He wouldn’t have known any of you but he would still give you the shirt off his back without a second thought. In my entire existence I can’t recall a time I’ve ever seen this man being ugly to anyone, even when joking around. And everyone that knew him or had him as a teacher had not one bad thing to say about him. If he could help you he would. He had an ironclad belief in honesty. He would tell you the truth regardless of if it made him look like a fool. If the truth would hurt you he would try to be as gentle as possible. It would be followed by encouragement to do better or the right thing. I don’t recall him ever bringing others down but rather lifting them up.
As I’ve grown older, through our conversations, I quickly came to realize the wisdom this man had was absolutely astonishing. I spoke to him about some stories of my 96 year old neighbor has shared with me about his experiences in WW2 (merchant seaman, who transported supplies to the armed forces over seas). Nearly every time my grandfather would make comments about my neighbors experiences; it would cause me to look at it in ways I never would’ve on my own. He did this with pretty much everything we discussed. I made the comment that even with 20 lifetimes I couldn’t achieve his level of wisdom.
Even with the loss of my grandmother he never really showed his sadness. You knew it was there but he wouldn’t show you. All the nurses at the nursing home said he was a joy to take care of. He was always positive and thankful. Even when he had every right to be upset, ugly, and mean; he never was. He said once or twice that there will be only one word on his gravestone, integrity. If he said he was going to do something it was etched in stone to happen. Whether it be he wanted something, help you, go to a place, become better; it didn’t matter. I don’t know many who could say that about themselves.
As a teacher he had many students over his decades of teaching. After teaching his students during the day he would assist adults in their education to acquire a GED. I asked him about his students one time, and asked if he could recall having any geniuses in his class. His response was if they were geniuses I wouldn’t know if they were. There were some good and some bad but most did well. He would also paint buildings in the summer with assistance from other fellow teachers. In his retirement he would write short stories about anything. If he saw a bug that peaked his interest, a table cloth with an interesting design, a peculiar looking tree, experiences in his life, it didn’t matter, if he thought about it he wrote it. He’s my favorite author. I heard about one of his students asking him about wanting to start lifting weights. He asked why he didn’t ask the PE teacher as he was large like my grandfather. The student said he did and the PE teacher shrugged it off like it would be a wast of time. Maybe it was arrogance of the PE teacher? The student said he thought my grandfather wouldn’t turn him away. My grandfather said no he wouldn’t.
He was an avid church goer, and even had a license to preach if it called for it. His preacher tried to find him for the better part of a year since his arrival at the nursing home. Something I found comfort in, as he loved him as much as we do. He could’ve had almost any girl on this planet he wanted but he choose my grandmother. Who had two boys at the time they met, my father and my uncle. My grandmother wouldn’t let their biological father be in their lives even after they were able to drive to see him on their own. She was against it. I don’t believe it was absolutely intentional as she was on medication for many, many, many years that changed who she was. So this man was their father and raised them as his own. It was to the point my father and uncle called him, dad. We are as much his as he is ours. He never discriminated between my father and uncle and his two daughters he had with my grandmother. He told my father that he wanted him to be head of his estate as he was the oldest. Not once was there any discrimination, even amongst his grandchildren and the later generations.
He was subject to elderly abuse on multiple accounts, but with his dementia he couldn’t remember what happened. It took a while but he started catching on to what was going on. The bank wanted him prosecute one of the family members, but he wouldn’t. Though he was disappointed in what happened; he didn’t hesitate to deny the banks attempts at prosecution.
While he was in the nursing home we got to speak alone every now and then. I’m grateful I got tell him how I truly felt. That even though we weren’t related by blood; he is as much my grandfather as my biological ones. And if I become half the man he is, that would be more than enough. Though only four people on this planet know this he was my inspiration to write my own story. He was always uplifting and encouraged you to pursue your interests.
Towards the end he’s demeanor started changing. He started talking less and less. I was with him one time and while the nurse was checking on him he made a comment. “I’m ready to die.” I’ve been bullied and insulted when I was young, but this is the single sentence that was more painful than anything I’ve ever heard. It was painful to see such a man who you thought was invincible, start wearing down and loosing himself. I keep trying to tell myself that he is with my grandmother in eternity, and that’s truly what he wanted. To be with my grandmother again. It’s hard. I’ve admitted I was a piece of crap for a portion of my life and well one day I had enough of it. I truly believe the greatest blessing in my life is to have known such a man who now I’ve tried to model myself after. I struggle with it constantly but to be as good as him is what I want to be.
The world lost someone so special and good but heaven gained one of the brightest angels. Gone but never forgotten and much loved. Rest In Peace grandpa, I love you so much.
Robert William Crabtree
June 19, 1928 - October 15, 2020
Pick your poison.
I know mine is slipping away. I almost choke up thinking about it. For the last 4 years I've flown home for his birthday every year to have dinner with him. Covid canceled that this year. His home still isn't allowing visitors. Hopefully things will be better by March and I can go have a pizza with him.
