Report to HR or handle it myself?

coposrv

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Last nite having dinner my wife told me one of her employees sent her a message that day using their inter office messenger system. The guy asked her “if you weren’t married would you date me?” She said he persisted for about an hour for an answer until she answered him no.

I asked if she had everything documented and she said yes. I then asked who it was and I was shocked when she told me. I know him pretty well and to be honest I thought he was gay, super feminine and honestly I’m not threatened in the least, I had no idea he was straight let alone married. I guess he’s having a tough time while going through a divorce. My wife doesn’t want to make a big deal about it because she genuinely feels bad for him and this will be an instant termination. She says he’s a decent employee. I say **** that. The dude obviously doesn’t understand boundaries.

There’s a small work get together once a month for her 20 something team with spouses. I know very well a lot of them and most are really good people that are fun to hang out with. I told her I’ll address it there and she said go for it.

What says you guys?


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Black Gold 380R

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Me personally, I completely understand your point as a man. If this happened outside the office (i.e. club, restaurant, someone's BBQ, etc.), I would say step in and straighten him out. However, since this happened at work and it seems to be a first time incident I say let your wife handle it. She doesn't have to report him if she doesn't want to, but she can give him a verbal warning and let him know that if it happens again she "will" report him and provide the documentation of this incident as well. Or since he sent a message she could respond in a message and then she will have documentation that she asked him to stop.

Again, I understand your point. I would be pissed too. However, I also do not agree with spouses getting involved in the work place. Especially since you say he will get fired on the spot if your wife officially reports him. That means the work place environment will protect her and take care of her. So, let her handle it in my opinion.
 
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coposrv

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I'd probably get a feel for it. He's either pity party "Am I even dateable" or he's digging to find out if he's attractive enough to her for extracurricular activities.

I’m just going to ask him in a semi non-threatening way what his intentions were but he should no matter what cut the shit. The feeling I get is the guy is down and depressed and needed a confidence boost. I can’t imagine what went through his head though, we’re could that question have possibly went other than in your employee file. Dumb ass.


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Blk04L

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Meh, getting a confidence boost doesn't equal pestering a married woman(or even single) for around a hour for an answer.

One thing if he asked it, your wife sidestepped it at first and he dropped it and apologized for asking her that.

Maybe if this was an one and done situation then whatever, talk to him. But if he acts weird around her or tries to hit on her send that shit to HR.
 

coposrv

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IMG_2004.jpg


Well guess this is over now? She just texted me this. She said she ran all the data this morning. He isn’t pulling enough of his weight to justify keeping him on after this.


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scott9050

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Let your wife handle the situation her way. *Edit* Looks like she can take care of herself.
 

Dip Dungles

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Tough guy in me would want to smack the guy around, but that wouldn't get you guys anywhere except further issues.

Seems like your wife's employer did the right thing and stepped up. If it's the three letter company starting with an E then they have gotten a hell of a lot better dealing with harassment concerns because years ago they would have given two shits on the matter.
 

coposrv

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Tough guy in me would want to smack the guy around, but that wouldn't get you guys anywhere except for further issues.

Seems like your wife's employer did the right thing and stepped up. If it's the three letter company starting with an E then they have gotten a hell of a lot better dealing with harassment concerns because years ago they would have given two shits on the matter.

Nah. She left there a year and a half ago. The cfo of the company stole her back.


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BlckBox04

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at first I was going to say go there and put your fist through his head but the more I thought about the situation and you mentioned he's having a tough time with a divorce I think he's honestly looking for acceptance. If your wife said yes, boundaries aside, he would have felt like maybe he isn't a failure.
Just my .02
 

Machdup1

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I see that the situation is handled, but for the record, you always report it to HR and never handle it yourself.

Sorry he is going through a rough time, but he stepped over a line and needs correction.

I also would suggest that your wife not be in the office the day of termination and the next business day.
 

My94GT

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She did the right thing going to HR, it’s always best to have a documented paper trail. If you had handled it for her, no way of knowing what the fallout at work could have been for her.
 

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