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Philosophical life experience type question

Discussion in 'Road Side Pub' started by Dusten, Jan 30, 2021.

  1. ajaf1656

    ajaf1656 Well-Known Member Established Member

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    Boise
    When I was 21 years old, I was a young Airman, had a my 2000 Mustang GT, 1971 F-100 and 2003 Suzuki SV650. I loved my job working on jets. Had some really good close friends. I started dating a girl I was crazy about and had just moved off base into my first apartment. Life was good.

    By the time I was 22, I had been falsely accused and arrested for an assault with a deadly weapon against a person I'd never even seen. I got locked up in Santa Rita Jail in Alameda County and my bail was set at $80,000. I was told I didn't qualify for a public defender so I'd have to hire a lawyer. I had to sell my truck and motorcycle to try to pay some of it, but it didn't make a dent. My restricted area badge was pulled meaning I couldn't go on the flight line to do my job anymore. I got assigned to office duty (back office bitch aka BOB) and treated like a criminal by most of my peers. My relationship ended. My older brother went missing back home. After a month, his remains were located where he had gone into the woods and ended his own life. My Air Force career ended early. I had to move in with my parents to help care for my mother who was in really bad shape after my brother's death.

    I moved back home to Texas in 2006. Over the next 10 years I worked random jobs, relocated to a different state 8 times pursuing my goals, got my college degree, completed flight school, built my flight time up to be able to get a job at an airline and finally find myself where I wanted to be all along. I've now been flying at my airline for 5 years and I'm on track to be completely debt free in 4 years.

    Life hit me like a freight train. Clawing my way back wasn't a solo effort by any means. I had a lot of help from my family. There were long spans where it felt like I was simply treading water, just hanging on while I checked boxes and laid the ground work for the path I wanted to take. Occasionally, I was tempted to take an easy route, to settle for less than I wanted from life, but I kept my head down and trudged forward.

    I'm not the same person I once was, but I honestly feel like I can survive just about anything as long as I have the physical health to keep pushing. I've come to accept that life will throw me more tragedy, injustice and hardship. I just try and position myself as best as possible to cope with the unknown that's just around the next bend. I like to take note of the little things in life. I didn't grow up poor, but we had to live fairly modestly. A slice of wheat bread was a side dish at our dinner table, I wore hand-me-downs and thrift store clothes and my father drove a rickety old mail jeep. Now, I can go to the grocery store and buy steak and pistachios, (the pre-shelled ones). Paying my debts, and having enough left over to enjoy luxuries I never had as a kid makes me feel like I'm succeeding, even if I'm still living in a tiny old rented house. I'm still working my way to where I want to be, but I'm not suffering anymore.
     
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  2. Sirhc7897

    Sirhc7897 Well-Known Member Established Member

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    Location:
    Macclenny, FL
    In my mid twenties I lost it all financially (over extended on developing large land tracts with some bad partners who shafted me). I picked myself up off the floor, started back from zero and rebuilt to where I wanted to be.

    Late 30’s found out my wife was having an affair with her co-worker and upon filing for divorce from her she attempted to kidnap my children and move them to another city. 2 years and a six figure divorce bill later and my children live with me and life is getting back to normal. There are ups and downs but the kids and myself are happier than we’ve ever been.

    The process of me going through rebuild number two required me to re-evaluate what mattered. I can always make more $$ down the road; but this time with my children, once lost, can never be gotten back. So I had a talk with my owner who turned out to be amazingly supportive and I adjusted my life accordingly.

    What’s important to you will change throughout your life. You’ve just got to be able to objectively look at your life and adjust accordingly to stay where you want to be.

    In the right scenario there’s absolutely nothing wrong with living for others. Sometimes they need you more than you need them and that’s OK. You can find a renewed purpose and satisfaction in doing for others that you simply can’t find in doing for yourself.

    I still have hobbies and a life but I feel better about myself in my early 40’s having made my children the central focus of my life than I ever did pursuing material wealth and personal satisfaction.

    It sounds very cliche but you truly can’t quit and can’t focus on the negative as it will just consume you and it’s infinitely harder to get re-started if you stop than it is to keep trudging through the down times.


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  3. IronSnake

    IronSnake Beers for the boys Established Member

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    Location:
    South Carolina
    Best thing I can say after many failed attempts at life and career and wealth, I wouldn't be so willing to give up a lot of good things for it again.

    Out of all the memories I have, the best summer I ever had was the summer I moved home after failing the first time. Rode around in my old bagged 68' C10 with a 350 vortec in it. Board shorts. No shirt. No shoes. Life was simple and life was good. I didn't have much money and I didn't have much of a future, but that was okay.

    If all else failed and I lost it all again many years later, I would chase after that summer. Make life simpler and less convoluted. Make my career not weight so much on me day to day. Enjoy the little things more
     
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  4. TerminatoRS

    TerminatoRS Well-Known Member Premium Member Established Member Party Liquor Posse

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    Jul 29, 2019
    Location:
    Oak Creek, WI
    I agree with this 100%. It can be a double-edged sword if you possess skills/abilities/leadership that allow you to assist others. You're constantly being asked if you can look at someone's car, hang their new TV on the wall, help drink all their beer...etc. It can get annoying and overwhelming at times. But, you need to keep in mind that it's better to be wanted/needed than to be the one always seeking the assistance. At least that's how I see it.

    This is also a wise statement. Sometimes you just need to step back and look at what you have and what you've accomplished. Chances are, you've come farther than you realize.
     
  5. FordMoCo21

    FordMoCo21 Just passing through. Established Member

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    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2010
    Location:
    Dome
    For guys in here that are having some or serious depression/anxiety issues: my biggest found causes were jobs I absolutely hated (not always easy to change, BUT you almost always have the opportunity to try something different), and second, learning about potential addictions/vices you may have. It is pretty crazy how different your day can go if you had a rough night before, from said vices/addictions. The way I learned, was essentially going monk mode on a few different things, and weeding out what was really making me feel shitty "the day after". I found that most of my bad days were the culmination of previous day's decisions. So if I had say 3 days where I forced myself to live a different "better" way, I started noticing more good days, and then if I messed up, following days sucked. If you never give yourself the chance to see what a good day can feel like, you don't have a very good reference point, and you naturally assume everything sucks because it's just the way it is. You will still have shitty days, but they are much easier to handle as far as stress/anxiety and motivation. Finding the addictions/vices is one hard part, then actually making yourself stop for a week or so is another. But once you can see what is actually making you feel like shit, it gets easier to recognize the cause of such days.

    To answer OP: Fortunately I have not ever lost it all/had to start completely over. However, I like to think that my aforementioned paragraph is part of the reason why... although I completely understand things can be out of one's control even if they are doing everything right. But noticing and accepting when oneself is the cause of their own issues, is a big step.
     
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  6. 1o1proof

    1o1proof Active Member Established Member

    Messages:
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    Oct 7, 2010
    Location:
    TN
    Same as most everyone.
    Got out of school, drank too much, smoked too much, got in trouble, settled down and got old.
    I'm a couple years from retirement and hope I don't get bored and repeat the above.
     
  7. FordMoCo21

    FordMoCo21 Just passing through. Established Member

    Messages:
    173
    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2010
    Location:
    Dome
    If you don't already have them, try to find like 5 hobbies which will take all your time and that have near endless time-involvement. And if they get too expensive, it just gives you a reason to make some more money on the side. Now you've got a positive feedback loop lol
     

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