Parenting: The Hard Times

getTwisted

I Remember My First Beer.
Established Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2008
Messages
5,452
Location
USA
I knew it was going to happen sometime, I just didn't know when. I wasn't ready for this day to come, nothing could even prepare me for it. I tried not to think about it and tried to deny it even ever happening, but tonight it happened. We were getting our 2 month old baby girl ready for a bath. She was completely naked and I was holding her (facing away from me, with a hand under each leg) then suddenly… explosive diarrhea! It shot out like you might would picture a rotten potato coming out of a potato gun at super sonic speeds. Luckily I had the end of this doodoo canon pointed in the right direction, at the floor. Nobody was hit. My Wife and I stood there with a "shock and awe" look drawn over both of our faces. Unfortunately we were in the bathroom on the slate floors. If you don't know what slate floors are like to clean, picture trying to get mayonnaise out of a huge cheese grader with a Q-Tip. And then my worst nightmare came true, the cat ran through it. The good thing is that cat realized she had it all over her paws, the bad thing is that she realized she had it on her paws and then starting flailing around like a rodeo bull with a bad cocaine habit and tried her best to get it off in 8 seconds. She covered the entirety of the house about 3 times before I could blink. I'm glad its friday.
 

VenomGTX

Awesome SVT Poster
Established Member
Joined
Apr 30, 2007
Messages
5,832
Location
Augusta, GA
giphy.gif
 

Camaro_94

Brown Recluse Slayer
Established Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2008
Messages
9,623
Location
Hunting spiders
LMAO. Sorry man. I put my parents through hell when I was a kid, so karma will catch up to me in a few months.
 

mavericks-03svt

Active Member
Established Member
Joined
May 7, 2013
Messages
1,034
Location
Waco, Texas
yep i know what you mean. the 1st time i changed my boys diaper when we got home from the hospital i got pissed right in the damn eye while my wife laughed it up on the other side of the room. I figured out real quick how to cover it up with another diaper almost like a ninja after that. The good news is your daughter will be out of diapers before you know it and you will have something to laugh about for a while. Glad you did not end up on the other end of the stick like I did.
 

Mr. Mach-ete

Liberals Suck
Established Member
Joined
Apr 13, 2004
Messages
12,801
Location
DelMarVa

:lol::lol:


Hysterical.

My youngest daughter shat right in my hand when I was changing her diaper. Just slipped a brand new diaper under butt, her face turned beat red, I new what was coming next. Diapers are expensive, I quickly slipped my cupped hand under her little but cheeks and out flowed yellow pudding into the palm of my hand. My 5 year old was standing right next to me when it all went down, she almost passed out with disgust. I walked over to the toilet, dunked my hand in the water, flushed the toilet and washed my hand. Haha! I save $1.68!
 

SSChris NY

New Member
Established Member
Joined
Jul 4, 2006
Messages
709
Location
Yonkers
LMAO that's part of being a Parent, I've had my share of incidents, with my kids, it just all part of it all, don't worry its only the beginning, best of luck op
 

venom_inc

Killing time at work.
Established Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2006
Messages
7,307
Location
North Jersey
I knew it was going to happen sometime, I just didn't know when. I wasn't ready for this day to come, nothing could even prepare me for it. I tried not to think about it and tried to deny it even ever happening, but tonight it happened. We were getting our 2 month old baby girl ready for a bath. She was completely naked and I was holding her (facing away from me, with a hand under each leg) then suddenly… explosive diarrhea! It shot out like you might would picture a rotten potato coming out of a potato gun at super sonic speeds. Luckily I had the end of this doodoo canon pointed in the right direction, at the floor. Nobody was hit. My Wife and I stood there with a "shock and awe" look drawn over both of our faces. Unfortunately we were in the bathroom on the slate floors. If you don't know what slate floors are like to clean, picture trying to get mayonnaise out of a huge cheese grader with a Q-Tip. And then my worst nightmare came true, the cat ran through it. The good thing is that cat realized she had it all over her paws, the bad thing is that she realized she had it on her paws and then starting flailing around like a rodeo bull with a bad cocaine habit and tried her best to get it off in 8 seconds. She covered the entirety of the house about 3 times before I could blink. I'm glad its friday.

:lol:

There might be a time when your daughter will be cleaning up after you...karma's a B!

I thought I had it bad when I went to kiss my daughter and she threw up all over my face. I didn't think I was THAT ugly.
 

4a7191a

Well-Known Member
Established Member
Joined
Aug 26, 2004
Messages
2,694
Location
beaumont texas
My daughter is 6 months old and I'm still terrified. Plus side though is I found an rc car for a 1 year old . . . she loves to watch it roll around. She cries, make the car move and instant curiosity and awh. Lol
 

venom_inc

Killing time at work.
Established Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2006
Messages
7,307
Location
North Jersey
My daughter is 6 months old and I'm still terrified. Plus side though is I found an rc car for a 1 year old . . . she loves to watch it roll around. She cries, make the car move and instant curiosity and awh. Lol

Haha nice. I cannot wait till I can put a power wheels under the Christmas tree...might shed a tear.
 

03cobra#694

Good Guy
Super Moderator
Joined
Nov 12, 2003
Messages
62,080
Location
SW FL.
Lol, great stuff. I remember my kids butts smell years ago, yuck . Now reliving the memories with grand kids, yuck again.
 

Users who are viewing this thread



Top