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Help Dealing with Ex.

Discussion in 'Road Side Pub' started by 13COBRA, Jul 18, 2019.

  1. Russo

    Russo Unofficial Glass Tech Established Member

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    This doesnt work.. the kids always gravitate to the biological parents over anyone else.. in my case, my wife's ex tried to have sex with her daughter (12) and beat my wife many times, the boys still put him above everyone else, including their mom. He is very manipulative and knows how to work the system. Smokes dope, on food stamps, doesn't pay taxes (owns his own business and doesn't pay himself)... Like I said in my post above, it goes on and on.
     
  2. CompOrange04GT

    CompOrange04GT I like Wood, and not Oak in my butt Established Member

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    Yup. My gfs ex beat her half to death.... have beat the kids... cheated on her.. cheated on current wife... I can go on and on

    Yet the daughters still pick him over everybody.
     
  3. 9397SVTs

    9397SVTs Well-Known Member Premium Member Established Member

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    There's a reason second marriages, involving minor children, have a divorce rate between 67% and 80%.

    She hasn't been divorced two years yet and your already married?

    I don't think there is much you can do. Unless the biological father gives up his rights and you adopt the kids, you have no say involving the kids, wither you think you do or not. Legally, you have no standing. You have no say concerning the divorce decree either. You are in a very poor and limited situation.

    Can you make this work? Statically, yes. There's a 20% to 33% chance. If it does work, it will most likely require a lot of work, patience, and keeping your opinions to yourself for the next 13 years, until the youngest turns 18. Of course, it will most likely continue well beyond after the kids move out.

    The real question is, is this a situation you want to live in?

    Do I have personal experience with this? No. I have seen and heard enough about it to know that I don't want any part of it.
     
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  4. Riddla

    Riddla IT will surprise you Established Member

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    Shitty situation all around, did you get a prenup just in case?
     
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  5. Deceptive

    Deceptive Would Smash Premium Member Established Member

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    I disagree, my niece and nephews hate their father for the shit he has pulled. It takes time though and a lot of work on the person entering the life of the kids.

    The mother has to sit the kids down and explain the rules and how things are going to be. The mother and OP needs to set rules with the father and keep to them. Document every single violation, make certain the kids understand that this is their father’s doing not the mother or OP.

    Eventually, with some luck and love, OP will prove he is a better man and father.


    Karen is the Ken Block of AWD minivans.
     
  6. Russo

    Russo Unofficial Glass Tech Established Member

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    My wife and I are fostering our nephew (her brothers oldest child who is 9) and I will probably adopt him. He is totally different than the other three. Things are much more peaceful and easier at home when it's just us three. He's been through some shit and has some weird behavior, but he's not hateful, spiteful, or disrespectful to my wife and I.
     
  7. jeffh81

    jeffh81 Never Leaving Established Member

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    This man is asking the right question
     
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  8. Nukem1040

    Nukem1040 Well-Known Member Established Member

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    My wife and I have been dealing with my Ex and her crazy husband since 2009 with my two children caught in the middle. It was so bad, the court ordered a Parent Coordinator to advocate for my daughters and tell my Ex what she was going to do, because of how uncivil she was being. If it gets that bad and you have
    Kids involved, get a Parent Coordinator. It was the best thing that ever could have happened to us! Hang in there. It slowly gets better the closer they get to 18.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  9. ViciousJay

    ViciousJay Well-Known Member Established Member

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    I dealt with this for 2 years plus, it took that that to actually get on the dbags good side. I dealt with his shit but it wasn’t easy but everything you said he did the same with but had no custody over which she was a push over for which eventually led me and sorry to admit screwing my ex gf because I fought hard to help but eventually said f*** it.

    I miss my ex everyday but she’s a f***ing retard and deserves her destiny. She had a winner in me but f***ed it up when it got real on the field so to speak.

    OP, get your girl in line and give everyone her a back bone otherwise in a few years you’ll be waving the white flag and walking like I did. I had a 8 year old and a 5 month old that weren’t mine and raised and finally gave up and kicked them to the curb because it was toxic and not worth the stress of the ex

    To this day I don’t know who was crazier, her or him...
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2019
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  10. GOTSVT?

    GOTSVT? Coming back to life Established Member

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    It sounds petty, and over time it will get worse before it gets better. And better may not be great.
    At the end of the day, they are your wifes EX husbands kids, and what he says and does with them on his time, is out of your control.
    You can either enjoy the ride, or pull a "goose" and abort.
    I speak from experience, well.
     
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  11. ssj4sadie

    ssj4sadie Well-Known Member Established Member

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    Sucks that you got the shaft, but so does most every other guy in a divorce. The difference is you’re vindictive and giving your ex hell is detrimental to your kid(s). You’re letting a situation you can’t control dictate your actions. Maybe one day your offspring will be able to rationalize why “dad is an asshole”, but it will come after their childhood has been permanently ****ed by adults that can’t act like ****ing adults.
     
  12. Handlebar Moustache

    Handlebar Moustache Well-Known Member Established Member

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    A couple of people mentioned that it’s a chess game, a long game. I agree wholeheartedly. If everyone plays on the board and by the rules, the system works well enough.

    That said, the family court dockets are so clogged up that there’s no time for the judge to hear the little details. It’s a real shame, because when those details show patterns, they matter.

    I’ve been doing the dance for a while. My ex is absolutely nuts. She is currently under a court order for a psych evaluation and hasn’t done it yet. She’s got a 30 day suspended jail sentence for refusing 2 drug tests. She plays chess off the board all day long. I play by the rules. It’s a goddamn disaster, but she’s losing badly. The shit she’s done is unbelievable.

    Advice: Play by the rules and don’t even fantasize about kicking his ass or screwing with him. It would be fun, but get it way out of your head. Never show them that they piss you off. Use the legal system to stick and move when you can. Act like all communication is being viewed in real time by the judge. Pick your battles... the little shit doesn’t matter. Leave your ego behind...it won’t help you. Attrition, attorney, and attitude. You can install long tube headers in a tight engine bay with simple tools...it just takes time, patience, and some resolve.


    Sent from my iPhone using svtperformance.com
     
  13. Corbic

    Corbic Well-Known Member Premium Member Established Member

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    Gotta look for ones with jobs or out side the Midwest. Took me three years but I managed.
     
  14. cbj5259

    cbj5259 Well-Known Member Established Member

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    We will agree to disagree. I don't involve my kid in our squabbles.

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  15. ViciousJay

    ViciousJay Well-Known Member Established Member

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    It's never easy finding the one but every area has its blunders and try to fix people, I'm glad to know you hit a bullseye but I'll admit, I'll never marry again, with a woman with a child or not!
     
  16. ssj4sadie

    ssj4sadie Well-Known Member Established Member

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    So you’re switching sides?

    @Khan heads up
     
  17. Need 04 Wine

    Need 04 Wine Well-Known Member Established Member Established Member

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    Buy each of those kids a burner phone for when they are with you...problem solved
     
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  18. CompOrange04GT

    CompOrange04GT I like Wood, and not Oak in my butt Established Member

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    Dropped off the kids to their dad house

    Within 2 hours.. 12 year old was lying and trying to get the dads negative attention and the gf phone was blowing up.

    Delightful day


    Like someone else said.. it does get worse as they get older... they know exactly what to say to start shit... not realizing courts then get involved and blah blah
     
  19. RedRocketMike

    RedRocketMike A Member Well Known Established Member

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    You have any friends in low places?

     
  20. JJackson515

    JJackson515 Active Member Established Member

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    I was/am in a similar situation with my wife and step daughters dad, but not to that extreme. I didn't read all 5 pages, but I did read the OP. I have spent more then I would like to admit on lawyers these past few years, but documents EVERYTHING with precision. Date, time, situation, outcome, etc. Obviously the best thing to do, is what has minimal impact on the kids. Otherwise, I find it best to hit them where it hurts if they're going to be jackasses. Sounds like in this case, he values money whether its a $1 or $25. Sink him in court costs. keep a balance sheet of what he owes you guys, when he tells you that you owe x amount for whatever he bought, tell him you will deduct it from his costs. I can be very petty on the principal when it comes to stuff similar to this.

    option 2: I know a guy...
     

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