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Help Dealing with Ex.

Discussion in 'Road Side Pub' started by 13COBRA, Jul 18, 2019.

  1. 13COBRA

    13COBRA Resident Ford Dealer Premium Member Established Member

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    Disclaimer: Long Read.

    Cliff notes: My wife's ex husband is a self-serving, arrogant, smug, sociopath and is constantly making our life challenging.


    I don't really know what advice I actually expect, as this isn't the best place to ask, but my wife has more or less asked me to not be extremely vocal about it, so hey, a car forum it is!

    First off, OP is a faggit.

    My wife was married to this guy for 7 years, they had two kids together. He didn't treat her well, and she was more or less guilted in to making it work for the kids. Once she realized it didn't have to be like that, she got out.

    Their divorce has been final almost 2 years. She rushed through it because she was tired of dealing with him, so she didn't go after his money (he doesn't have any), his time with the kids (they're 50/50) nor anything else. Now, it's starting to bite us in the ass.

    He's constantly making decisions that are clearly not in the best interest of the kids. A few examples:

    1.) Yesterday, the 5 year old had his allergy shot appointment to go to. The last appointment he was with his dad so we gave him his EpiPen to take with him as the doctor requires it in case of a reaction. My wife reached out to him (6 hours in advance, we live 10 minutes apart) that she would need to get the EpiPen back before taking him in for his shot. If he misses an appointment by more than a day or two, he has to start back over at square one, which is 9 months ago. Her ex said no, and that she could go buy another one. Well, the $100 or whatever isn't a big deal as I've pissed away more money than that without blinking, but it's prescription based and cannot just be purchased at a drug store. Luckily, my wife's mother had an extra that she had bought the LAST TIME he refused to give it back.

    2.) Her ex constantly tries to put the 5 and 7 year old in to a position where it is them against my wife. For example, in their parenting agreement they have to both agree if the kids are to be taken outside of the country. Well unbeknownst to us, they had planned a trip last October to take the kids to Jamaica 3 weeks ago. I'll preface that by we want the kids to have awesome experiences whether they're with us or their dad. He contacted my wife less than a month before the trip and told her of the plans, and that two of the days were 'our' days with the kids. So in a matter of a week she needed to agree for them to leave the country, go with them to get passports, and also be ok with switching a couple of days. She did, within 48 hours, and they had a great time. Fastforward, my wife's best friend is taking her kids to NYC in August, so my wife is planning on taking the kids as well. Just so happens that 1 of the days is 'his' day. So she's been asking for almost 2 weeks now if he will switch the one day, he's flat out ignored her every single time.

    3.) They're agreement is to pay for 50% of the kids things. Any time we buy the kids things that are required by either teachers, clubs, sporting teams, etc, it's a fight to get him to pay for any of it...if we ever get it at all. Again, the money isn't a big deal. But, the first time he goes to buy $50 worth of school supplies, he sends screenshots of receipts repetitively (every 3-5 minutes) until we PayPal him the $25.

    4.) When we all have to be in the same places (soccer, tee ball games, dance competitions, etc) if the kids are with my wife and I, him and his family are always around. If the kids are with him, they literally sneak in late, and leave early as to avoid letting my wife talk to the kids.

    5.) Both the 5 and the 7 year old have told us on countless times that they have tried sneaking out of their bedroom windows and walking to our house in the middle of the night. We brought it up to her ex, he insisted that we were making something of nothing and that we were pushing the kids to say that.

    6.) The 5 year old said he didn't want to play soccer, because his friends weren't playing this year and he would rather swim and hangout with them. His dad, being the local high school soccer coach, made him Facetime my wife while it was his day and have the 5 year old tell her that he wanted to play...AFTER 3 days of her ex explaining to us that a "4 year old" (he's actually 5, but his dad said 4 almost two dozen times) doesn't know what he wants to do and that his opinion doesn't count...until he's saying he wants to play.

    7.) Her ex flat out refuses to have any kind of joint birthday parties for either of the kids. I'm not upset about this, as I don't like being around him, but the kids both have asked separately on two different birthdays because they like having all their grandparents there.

    8.) He is always 15-20 minutes early picking them up, and 15-20 minutes late dropping them off or having them ready to be picked up. Every single time. Last week, we were picking them up at 9am, he answers the door at 8:58am and said "she (7 year old) is still in the shower, *looking at watch* she'll be done and down here in 2 minutes..." *shuts door in my wife's face*... 20 minutes later they both came out the front door and the 7 year old was asking her dad why she had to jump in the shower. (I had to laugh at this. I think they all overslept, and he thought it would be a good excuse if she was in the shower).

    9.) My wife and I just had a newborn baby 2 months ago. Her ex has told both the kids, numerous times, that he is not their brother and they shouldn't call him their brother, and only by his first name. This part pisses me off beyond belief.

    10.) My familiy's lake house is in the same cove as his girlfriend's parents house, so any time we are at the lake he always ends up down there at the same time, and then #4 applies again. They've swam over to near our dock to say hi when the kids are here, and when the kids are with them we will be going out in the boat and when we're a few hundred yards out they will purposefully round up all the kids and go up in the house so we can't even wave at them.

    11.) On February 11th my wife asked him to go to a mediation together, and he more or less said they didn't need mediation. A week later, she had her attorney draft a letter to his requesting mediation, he agreed to go. A week after that, the mediator's office called my wife and said he had cancelled the appointment. 3 hours after that, my wife confronted him and he acted as if he had no idea that they had ever spoken about mediation, even after she sent him 5 screenshots of the conversation.


    Obviously my first reaction as a man with a set of balls, is to kick his ass. But in reality, that wouldn't do anyone any good, as it would probably end in some bullshit restraining order. Right now I'm stuck between being an ass or just being overly nice. I'm not very good with the latter when people have treated my family as poorly as he has, but I'd be willing to do so if I thought it would make my wife's life easier.

    Has anyone experienced anything remotely close to this? How do you get through it?
     
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  2. HillbillyHotRod

    HillbillyHotRod Hooligan rabble rouser Established Member

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    Damn, feel for ya bro. Don't have muck to contrubute but on the #3 splitting 50% on things needed for the kids. Unless you are going to push him to pay, keep all the receipts and then if he wants something for what he paid for send him a copy of the receipts showing where he owes you.
     
  3. 03cobra#694

    03cobra#694 Want to play a game? Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Been there Nick. Mine was on my ex side. Call me if y’all need to talk. It’s a major PITA.
     
  4. 13COBRA

    13COBRA Resident Ford Dealer Premium Member Established Member

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    Yeah, I mean the money isn't really an issue. It's just the one-sidedness of it that infuriates me.

    It is! I feel like the only option is continuous legal action, but in no way is that what's best for the kids in the short term. Tensions would be high, stress would be high...not a good/fun situation to grow up in.
     
  5. 03cobra#694

    03cobra#694 Want to play a game? Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Don’t do that.
     
  6. 13COBRA

    13COBRA Resident Ford Dealer Premium Member Established Member

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    I know. But unless he's willing to play ball, then what other choice do I have?
     
  7. 03cobra#694

    03cobra#694 Want to play a game? Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Call me if y’all still have my number.
     
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  8. Coiled03

    Coiled03 Well-Known Member Premium Member Established Member

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    Document, document, document......everything. And I mean EVERYthing for 6 months, maybe a year, starting with the examples you've listed here. Then, take him to court, and show the judge what an asshole he is.

    Before you go in, decide if you want to go after his time with his kids. Frankly, given the behavior you've described, I would. He clearly has an agenda to drive a wedge between your wife and her kids. While it's noble to want the kids to spend time with their biological father, that kind of goes out the window if they guy is an asshole, at least in my book. If you choose not to do so, that's a valid choice. Just make sure you shield the kids from all the drama as much as possible, which I'm sure you're already trying to do.

    Good luck. It's no fun dealing with psycho exes.
     
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  9. 13COBRA

    13COBRA Resident Ford Dealer Premium Member Established Member

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    Still at work, I'll have a few minutes afterwards and will give you a shout.

    I'm all over the documenting. We're afraid that the court process will be extremely difficult for the kids and that he will pitch it as us trying to take them away from him.
     
  10. Coiled03

    Coiled03 Well-Known Member Premium Member Established Member

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    Yes, it will be difficult for the kids. They'll live. Yes, he will pitch it as you trying to take them away from him. That's why you have the documentation.

    Look at the alternatives you described. None of them are any better for anyone you care about in the long run. Kick his ass? Restraining order and he might cause legal trouble. Overly nice? Your stress levels will go through the roof. Not good for you, your wife, or your kids.

    Doing nothing is a valid decision. Just know that nothing will change. Assholes will be assholes until you force them to do something different.
     
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  11. 13COBRA

    13COBRA Resident Ford Dealer Premium Member Established Member

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    I agree with you.
     
  12. 03cobra#694

    03cobra#694 Want to play a game? Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Correct logic.
    I read Gregg’s post wrong.
     
  13. Twisted2v

    Twisted2v Active Member Established Member

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    As a dude, you're replaceable to a woman as you could end up in his shoes.

    For a solution, I think you should find some single women and introduce them to him.
     
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  14. MG0h3

    MG0h3 Well-Known Member Premium Member Established Member

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    Took me just over 4 yrs before my ex wife chilled out with me.

    Even if your story didn’t sound like she left him, that’s what I would’ve guessed. He’s bitter and punishing her.

    Do what’s best for your sanity and the kids well being.

    Good call on letting them go on the trip with him.

    Not sure what the laws are there, but you can’t kidnap your own kids in TX; at least according to the cops here. Nor do they enforce interference with ordered visitation, which is a felony.

    So, if he wants to be a ********** and harm the kids by denying the NYC trip, I’d make him tell them why they can’t go.

    Alternative is to keep working on him to trade a day, or just keep them the extra day and he can call the cops. He might **** with you more in the future though.

    They literally won’t even respond here unless you start calling the dispatcher a pussy on the phone.

    All I can really say is that hopefully it will get better in time. No amount of rationale would fix my ex, even when she freely admitted that my daughter loved seeing me.


    Sent from my iPhone using svtperformance.com
     
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  15. 13COBRA

    13COBRA Resident Ford Dealer Premium Member Established Member

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    He's engaged. lol
     
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  16. SweetSVT99

    SweetSVT99 Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Good God reading stuff like this makes my blood boil. Why can't adults act like adults, even if it is only for the betterment of the children - who generally are the biggest victims in these situations. :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:
     
  17. 03cobra#694

    03cobra#694 Want to play a game? Staff Member Super Moderator

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    I could tell y’all some stories, but won’t.
     
  18. Machdup1

    Machdup1 Well-Known Member Premium Member Established Member

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    Assume full financial responsibility for the children and take money out of the equation.

    Expect him to disappoint and you will never be disappointed.

    Love those kids like they were your own flesh and blood.

    If he ****s any of you, explain what you expect out of him, man to man.

    If he persists, report him to the police early and often.

    If he escalates, tune his ass up and leave him on the ground, bleeding.

    BTW, I’m a step parent and did all of they above.
     
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  19. tones_RS3

    tones_RS3 I like members members. Premium Member Established Member

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    Damn, that sucks Nick.
    Dude sounds like a total douche. Luckily I never had to deal with any stuff like that. All I can suggest is keep your cool as best you can.

    Good luck going forward!
     
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  20. PhoenixM3

    PhoenixM3 Hello Kitty Slayer Established Member

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    Document everything and have proof of what you’re claiming. Do you and your wife have a goal of full custody? It sounds like this guy is a schmuck, and you guys keep getting the short end of the stick. I’m lucky to have one wife, but I see this crap happen to good people far too often. Good luck, but I fear you’ll have to involve an attorney
     
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