Funny things your drill instructor said/did.

[Branhammer]

Every now and then at work we will share basic training stories. Mostly funny things are MTI's said/did and other funny stories. I thought it might be cool to hear what some of you guys on here experienced. Here are a few of mine:

1. Shortly after I arrived at BMT, before I was even issued a uniform, I had to piss-test. In the military, when you drug test, you literally have an observer staring directly at your dick as you pee. It's mandatory. Well, when we left our dorm for the clinic, my MTI didn't tell us where we were going. We just started marching. When we got there, she (yes, SHE. A little red-headed demon woman who was a former field medic) asked who needed to use the restroom. I just thought we were about to do something that was going to take some time and there just wouldn't be a chance to use the bathroom later. I had to shit....BADLY. So I raised my head. I was greeted at the bathroom door by a med group E-5. He had me sign a paper and that's when I realized what was happening.

So this guy is staring at my junk while I'm trying to pee in a cup, but I have to shit so badly that if I even relax enough to pee I know I'm also going to shit my pants. I just can't do it. Between his staring and my having to shit like never before, I just stood there for what seemed like an eternity. "Dude...As much as I'd love to stand here staring at your dick all day, I DO have other things to do. For one, I have about 15 other dicks to stare at. I'm sure you can imagine that I'd like this day to end, so can you please just piss?" I finally told him I couldn't because I also had to poop. So he told me I couldn't do that in the testing bathroom. He told me how to get to the closest restroom where I could. I had to go outside, trying to march past other trainee flights and MTI's without waddling. I got yelled at by everyone of them for one thing or another, but I was at least able to NOT shit myself that day, so I guess it was a win.

2. I was marching out of the chow hall after dropping off my tray at the wash station and didn't realize I was still chewing food I hadn't swallowed. While marching. At attention. I was stopped by another flight's MTI. The conversation went as follows:

MTI: Hey you! Tall guy! Yeah! You! ****ing Ogre! Get your big awkward ass over here NOW!
Me: Yes sir?
MTI: I have a question for you.
Me: Sir?
MTI: Are you a cow?
Me: Um.....Sir?
MTI: Are you retarded? I asked if you were a cow? As in cattle? It's not a difficult question. Are you a God damn cow or not?
Me: Sir, Trainee Branham reports as ordered. Sir, I don't underst....
MTI: I'll ask one more time and if you don't give me an answer you are ****ed. Understand THAT? Now....ARE. YOU. A. ****ING. COW?
Me: No sir....
MTI: So then why are you chomping away while marching AT ATTENTION as if you just finished grazing a damn pasture?
Me: Sir...I...
MTI: Moo
Me: .....Sir I don't...
MTI: MOO!..... MOO!
Me:......
MTI: ****ING MOO!
Me: Uhh....MM...M
MTI: NO! Don't you DARE DO IT! You ARE NOT A COW! You're a real boy! Jesus Christ, you were actually going to do it, weren't you? Get out of my sight and don't EVER let me catch you eating at attention again!

All the guys in my flight saw it and we had a real good laugh later in the dorm.

3. One day we all got in trouble for something stupid. I think a guy had change fall out of his pocket and hit the ground when we were doing PT or something and our MTI looked like she was about to destroy the ****ing planet when she heard it. After we all got back upstairs to our dorm, she made the guide-on bearer (the little guy holding the flag at the front of every formation) go into the showers pit, which was about 12'x12' with six shower heads, and stand in the corner with his flag. She then called the entire flight of 55 trainees to attention, then yelled "cover." We literally had to do that little cover half-step shuffle thing all the way through the dorm, into the bathroom, smashing each other trying to get through, and form up on the guide-on inside a 12'x12' shower pit. It looked like a bunch of penguins trying to squeeze through a doggy door. It was ****ing miserable, but probably had to be the funniest shit she'd ever seen. I don't know how she didn't laugh. At the time, we all hated her, but by the end of it all, we loved and respected her. She was a badass.

Anyone have any good stories from basic?

 

[HudsonFalcon]

OMG the cow story had me in tears!

 

[03Steve]

Moo!! Moooooo!!!!

 

[clbailey]

Our MTI had us fall into the showers with the water on with our ponchos on after we graduated since we never used them.

First night in basic he passed around shampoo and made us all put it on our heads and go to sleep.

Dude was weird.

 

[saleensc281]

That was 19 years ago...hard to remember.

 

[stvdman]

We were marching to chow in formation, going past the parade field when three boots ran past us pushing a laudry cart. CC (Company Commander aka Drill Instructor), has us come to a halt. Yells out to the three and asked them if they saw him...one replied "sir no sir", he then asked them if they were blind, and one replied "sir no sir"...he said "you must be f'n blind and you didnt see me nor render a salute"......"do you know the song three blind mice"..."sir yes sir"...."GOOD, start F'N singing"....."three blind mice, three..."...."LOUDER!"...."THREE BLIND MICE, THREE BLIND MICE"..."good, now start marching around the parade field with your little cart and dont stop till I get back". And off to chow we went.

On our way back, passing the parade field, they were still there, on the other side, CC "company...HALT!"... He yells " I CANT HEAR YOU!!!!" they pick it up, and we march on with their voices fading int he distance.."three blind mice, three blind mice".

Felt kind of bad for them, especially when THEIR CC stopped by the squad bay adn asked our CC if he can pull his guys back in...TWO HOURS after we had left them. Poor bastards!

 

[mustang_]

The best thing that happened at basic in Ft. Dix was being the Platoon Guide and having my own room, and pretty much being in charge of the platoon while the DI's were away. Both my DI's were going for "Drill Instructor of the Year". One guy was a Samoan and the other was a huge black guy with a black belt. Two badass DI's to work for, but we got along great. A new DI showed up and this dude was a dick toward me so one day we went on a 12 mile march with full ruck and M16 and this new guy was blazing a trail. Finally got to wherever it was we were going and I looked at this guy's ruck and it didn't look right, just too upright and stiff with no sag. So it was sitting in front of our muster and I kicked it and yep, that explained it. I called my platoon to muster in front of it and with the pinky finger I lifted his ruck high up over my head and called out to the SOB to come get his ruck. My 2 D.I.'s ran over and snatched that toilet-paper stuffed ruck and ripped it apart and ripped that new DI a new one, and on the march back the SOB had to carry everybody's ruck who dropped out of the march. He was loaded down with three or four rucks before he dropped out and hit the truck, and 2 days later I never saw that jackhole again.

 

[Gary Macomber]

The best thing that happened at basic in Ft. Dix was being the Platoon Guide and having my own room, and pretty much being in charge of the platoon while the DI's were away. Both my DI's were going for "Drill Instructor of the Year". One guy was a Samoan and the other was a huge black guy with a black belt. Two badass DI's to work for, but we got along great. A new DI showed up and this dude was a dick toward me so one day we went on a 12 mile march with full ruck and M16 and this new guy was blazing a trail. Finally got to wherever it was we were going and I looked at this guy's ruck and it didn't look right, just too upright and stiff with no sag. So it was sitting in front of our muster and I kicked it and yep, that explained it. I called my platoon to muster in front of it and with the pinky finger I lifted his ruck high up over my head and called out to the SOB to come get his ruck. My 2 D.I.'s ran over and snatched that toilet-paper stuffed ruck and ripped it apart and ripped that new DI a new one, and on the march back the SOB had to carry everybody's ruck who dropped out of the march. He was loaded down with three or four rucks before he dropped out and hit the truck, and 2 days later I never saw that jackhole again.

You got your own room in bootcamp and got to say something other than yes sir and no sir to a DI? Were there also pizza parties and panty raids?

On Paris Island

Rifle week our lunches consisted of a box with a sandwich and chips, while waiting in line 1 of the recruits made the mistake of laughing at something that was happening. The DI made him stand in front of a tree while yelling "I'm not funny, you are!" over and over.

We had recruit get caught buying a honey bun while at the rifle range simulator from the snack machine prior to live fire, during team week he got caught stealing M&Ms, the 2nd time one of the DI bought like 10 packs of those mini donuts and a huge bag of M&Ms and made the kid stand there and eat them all as quick as possible. When the DI asked if he wanted some water he took a canteen and splashed some towards his way and made him continue.

Family day comes and we are all about to graduate, of course family day is the first day you have had freedom in 3 months so you go and eat anything and everything you can get your hands on, when we got back to the squad bay we had to fill up our canteens and drink them, fill up and drink. I think about half of the recruits puked that day.

 

[mustang_]

Good times. Toward the end we marched to a stadium and they sold us each (if over 21) one can of Cobra malt liquor beer (they still make it) and some girls showed up and put on a sort of USO show for whatever reason. Last thing I needed to see since no panty raid was in the works (but yeah, I tucked everyone in after the pizza party). Seriously since I was the old man I had everyone giving me beers and just staggered back to the barracks in formation. Most of our senior NCO DI's were Vietnam era and had plenty of attitude, and left no doubt we were just a bunch of pussies because the old man said they couldn't punch us like in the good old days.

 

[Iamchris]

When you first arrive at training you are designated as a "rainbow", it is because of the bright mix of colors on the trainees since they haven't been assigned uniforms yet. One of these "rainbows" was wearing a Southpark T-Shirt that said something about Cheesy Poofs.
The MTI must have seen Southpark... or maybe he hadn't, it has been a long time now but I distinctly remember him shouting through the whole pad "What the **** is a cheesy poof?" ... "Maybe I want a Cheesy Poof!". It turned out to be a 10 minute rant on Cheesy Poofs to the snickering of just about everyone except the poor rainbows that were probably making a mess in their pants.

Our sister flight MTI was a funny bastard... he was the one that did the above, and quite a few other funny things. My MTI was a miserable prick. He was in the middle of a divorce and a complete wreck. He would pull overnights at the dorm, not because he had to but because he left a fight with his wife. He took it out on all of the trainees. He came in the middle of the night ranting, blaming us for his problems. Luckily we ended up with our sister flight a good amount of the time.

 

[carrrnuttt]

When you first arrive at training you are designated as a "rainbow", it is because of the bright mix of colors on the trainees since they haven't been assigned uniforms yet. One of these "rainbows" was wearing a Southpark T-Shirt that said something about Cheesy Poofs.
The MTI must have seen Southpark... or maybe he hadn't, it has been a long time now but I distinctly remember him shouting through the whole pad "What the **** is a cheesy poof?" ... "Maybe I want a Cheesy Poof!". It turned out to be a 10 minute rant on Cheesy Poofs to the snickering of just about everyone except the poor rainbows that were probably making a mess in their pants.

My recruiter and my brother (who was already in the USAF at the time) both advised me to NOT wear anything -- shirt, pants or otherwise, that had any kind of logo or design that had any commentary about anything.

 

[derklug]

Our assistant drill instructor was a female, Sgt Bouduex. She used to teach all of the drill, and always would say "Watch my line, watch how I (whatever, turn, come to attention, parade rest etc.)" as she drew a line with her finger down her side from her chest to her knee. Towards the end of Basic, our lead instructor told us we should ask Sgt. Bouduex if we could call her Sgt Hightower.

After awhile, someone finally worked up the nerve to ask Sgt Bouduex if we could call her Sgt Hightower. The Sgt laughed, and laughed, and laughed, and then told us the story. Two flights before ours, there was an innocent young recruit who was always beet red whenever they would do drill. One day he looked at Sgt Bouduex and in his southern drawl said "Sgt Bouduex, could you please have someone else teach drill, because when you run your hand down your side you give me a hightower."

Today he probably would be sent off to electrotherapy sensitivity training.

 

[Martin123]

Are you a cow? LOL Haaaaaaa

 

[Deceptive]

DS at AIT that we called "Drillbilly", "Soldier Medic, I am the one ****in' this chicken."


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[97snakebite]

my instructor if i can remember his name exactly was SSGT. Skibiski was a funny SOB..always used the word "boogockey" only way i can guess to spell it

 

[CobraBob]

I have a funny one, but it was something I did, not what my barracks staff said or did. I was in basic training (Navy) and one night I was scheduled to stand a 2-4 AM barracks watch. I was SO tired and desperately needed to squeeze as much sleep in as possible when my watch ended. I think wake-up was at 5:00. Every minute/second counted; I was that tired. So, I'm standing there with a rifle replica, and the watch officer hadn't passed by me so I figured that he must be sleeping. Now it's 3:50 and again, every minute counted. So I got undressed right down to my underwear. Yep! The guy scheduled to relieve me at 4:00 wasn't going to care. LOL. There I was, "rifle" in hand standing at the barracks door in my underwear with my clothes on the floor. 7 minutes to go and I'm SO anticipating jumping into my bunk and grabbing 55 minutes of sleep. At 3:55, in comes the watch officer (a CPO). He was livid. I explained/stammered why I did it but he just laid into me again. The good thing was that he didn't write me up. Needless to say, the "extra" sleep I thought I'd get was wasted on me dwelling on how stupid I had been. LOL.

 

[ImThatGuy]

I went to OSUT training where you are stuck with the same DS's and soldiers for the entire duration of my 21 weeks. Around week 19 we were cleaning .50 cals and Mk 19's in the orderly room, and this kid Elsworth (not to bright) was whining because he just couldn't put a Mk 19 back together, and the DS came over, said move ***, hold this ***, giving him some part to hold, dropped it. DS stood up, and screamed just say **** you Drill Sergeant, just say **** you Drill Sergeant, spitting Skoal all over him. Elsworth stood up and said **** you Drill Sergeant.... My eyes got real wide, I knew shit was about to get real, DS Gerber came unhinged, grabbed Elsworth by his throat and slammed him through a field table. There was not a damn thing on the face of the earth that was stopping me from laughing. lmao

 

[blackfang]

When we graduated Recruit Training at Parris Island we got one of our DI's a barney doll. He told us "You ****ers make me want to go home and beat my wife and kid."

I am sure I said some funny shit my time when I was on the trail, but you tend to not pay attention to it.