Eye Contact

[canibus]

Back in the day, my one that got away noticed that I couldn't keep eye contact with her, and it really annoyed her. Little by little she got me to get used to it and it's one of the best things i've ever learned. There's nothing like looking someone in the eye and getting a feel for what kind of person they are. Unfortunately the majority of the people I talk to, never learned how to do it. They look around, make a lot of hand movents and pretty much look uncomfortable. It's actually kinda funny, because they can't focus on the conversation. So i'm wondering, where does the SVTP crowd fall in this situation?

 

[thepizz]

My son is 2 now and when we talk, I start the convo off by telling him to look at me. My father taught me the importance of this and now I'm passing it on.

IMO it shows confidence in ones self and for me, especially important when talking to customers...something I know you do too Kanibus.

 

[s_x_i]

I was bullied most of high school and it made me terrible at eye contact. I would always look away, fidget, play with my hands...

My wife called me out on it years ago. At first it was impossible, but I read some books on body language and worked extremely hard at trying to look people in the eye. Initially I couldn't do more than a couple of seconds and I really had to force it, I'd manage it for a moment, then I'd be right back to looking at my shoes.

It took me the better part of 5 years to really get over it. Now I love negotiating, meetings, any kind of one on one business stuff. 95% of the people I deal with can't use eye contact or read body language, so right off the bat it gives me control of the situation and a definite advantage no matter the context.

It is absolutely worth your time to overcome your fear of eye contact!

 

[canibus]

My son is 2 now and when we talk, I start the convo off by telling him to look at me. My father taught me the importance of this and now I'm passing it on.

IMO it shows confidence in ones self and for me, especially important when talking to customers...something I know you do too Kanibus.

I never thought about the confidence part, makes sense. I always thought it had to do with just never picking it up.

I was bullied most of high school and it made me terrible at eye contact. I would always look away, fidget, play with my hands...

My wife called me out on it years ago. At first it was impossible, but I read some books on body language and worked extremely hard at trying to look people in the eye. Initially I couldn't do more than a couple of seconds and I really had to force it, I'd manage it for a moment, then I'd be right back to looking at my shoes.

It took me the better part of 5 years to really get over it. Now I love negotiating, meetings, any kind of one on one business stuff. 95% of the people I deal with can't use eye contact or read body language, so right off the bat it gives me control of the situation and a definite advantage no matter the context.

It is absolutely worth your time to overcome your fear of eye contact!

Being bullied can really mess you up. If it took you 5 years then you must have had a really bad case of it. Glad you overcame it.

 

[ssj4sadie]

I was bullied most of high school and it made me terrible at eye contact. I would always look away, fidget, play with my hands...

My wife called me out on it years ago. At first it was impossible, but I read some books on body language and worked extremely hard at trying to look people in the eye. Initially I couldn't do more than a couple of seconds and I really had to force it, I'd manage it for a moment, then I'd be right back to looking at my shoes.

It took me the better part of 5 years to really get over it. Now I love negotiating, meetings, any kind of one on one business stuff. 95% of the people I deal with can't use eye contact or read body language, so right off the bat it gives me control of the situation and a definite advantage no matter the context.

It is absolutely worth your time to overcome your fear of eye contact!

Aren't you a car dealer? You must really mess some clients up with the eye contact thing.

It depends on the situation. If it is a serious meeting and I'm addressing someone, eye contact the whole time. If I'm telling a story to someone or talkinfg to my wife, starring at tits.

 

[thomas91169]

making eye contact is huge in todays world IMO.

I try to make it as much as possible, to exert the fact that "I am listening to you" in my day to day conversations. Though I do catch myself glancing at stuff if talking to people but its kinda hard in the middle of a production floor not to notice everything, especially with slight ADD/ADHD tendancies like im sure id be diagnosed with if I was 3.

 

[FordGTGuy]

 

[s_x_i]

As for being bullied - I went to a school outside my school district, so I never really fit, plus we were kinda poor and to top it off, I was crap at soccer and played percussion in band. I didn't stand a chance!

Aren't you a car dealer? You must really mess some clients up with the eye contact thing.

I own a car lot - I still work at my legal business to pay the bills, but yes, I do sell cars occasionally ;-)

Funny thing is watching people's reactions when you meet them and you get the "what do you do for a living" question. I always say "I sell cars" it's awesome to watch them recoil in disgust and pity the poor 31 year old who hasn't got his life together yet. :beer:

 

[Planter]

Back in the day, my one that got away noticed that I couldn't keep eye contact with her, and it really annoyed her. Little by little she got me to get used to it and it's one of the best things i've ever learned. There's nothing like looking someone in the eye and getting a feel for what kind of person they are. Unfortunately the majority of the people I talk to, never learned how to do it. They look around, make a lot of hand movents and pretty much look uncomfortable. It's actually kinda funny, because they can't focus on the conversation. So i'm wondering, where does the SVTP crowd fall in this situation?

it's funny you mention it, i had the same problem before i met my ex "that got away", and the night we met I didn't take my eyes off her the entire time.

I still miss that woman, she won't speak a word to me. She was the best thing that ever happened to me.

 

[joeg215]

Its a cultural thing. Asians see it as a sign of disrespect.

I personally try to make eye contact (with women especially,duh) but I have to look away sometimes just to think for a second lol

 

[xXGadfly09Xx]

Its a cultural thing. Asians see it as a sign of disrespect.

I personally try to make eye contact (with women especially,duh) but I have to look away sometimes just to think for a second lol

THIS

Asians actually see it as as a challenge or disrespecting who ever they are staring at

I make good eye contact

 

[oldmodman]

I find it terribly difficult to maintain eye contact with boring or stupid uninteresting people.

However, with a woman, especially on a really cold day I find it impossible.

 

[grendel]

However, with a woman, especially on a really cold day I find it impossible.

:lol: :banana:

im terrible at it when that happens. any other time i try to keep eye contact unless something catches my eye and i'll look away for a brief second to see what it is.

 

[01cobravortech]

I'll do the whole initial eye contact thing out of respect for the person, unless they are a close talker. That's just too much for me. Can't keep eye contact with those dudes. lol

 

[truefiveo]

Kinda hard to wanna keep eye contact with someone when its one of those days you got a huge zit on your face!

 

[Sapperstang]

So you mean eye contact during an entire conversation. Seems kinda creepy and difficult. I look at the person I am talking to in the eye, but not the entire time. I don't look at the ground or anything, but I do look around.

 

[HEMIHUNTER]

So you mean eye contact during an entire conversation. Seems kinda creepy and difficult. I look at the person I am talking to in the eye, but not the entire time. I don't look at the ground or anything, but I do look around.

This
I maintain eye contact most of the time

 

[kevinatfms]

I was bullied most of high school and it made me terrible at eye contact. I would always look away, fidget, play with my hands...

My wife called me out on it years ago. At first it was impossible, but I read some books on body language and worked extremely hard at trying to look people in the eye. Initially I couldn't do more than a couple of seconds and I really had to force it, I'd manage it for a moment, then I'd be right back to looking at my shoes.

It took me the better part of 5 years to really get over it. Now I love negotiating, meetings, any kind of one on one business stuff. 95% of the people I deal with can't use eye contact or read body language, so right off the bat it gives me control of the situation and a definite advantage no matter the context.

It is absolutely worth your time to overcome your fear of eye contact!

+1000! i went to a military school that was pretty rough and for my first year when i was one of the smaller people in school i was picked on pretty good. then i grew to 5' 11" and they had a much harder time picking on me, add in that i got rank over most people by being on color guard.

i finally found out after a while that it helps give confidence and now i still occasionally look away but i really do try to keep eye contact as much as possible.

 

[Coiled03]

Staring at a person continuously throughout a conversation is just creepy. I make eye contact if i want to, if I don't, I don't.

 

[LS2GTO]