Ettiquette for inviting buddies to bachelot party question...

[ElscottHavoc]

So, Saturday night I attended a bachelor party. We all had a great time but in terms of friends showing up, between distances across country and work schedules only 4 of us (including the groom) actually made it. It was a great time, but we definitely had to scale back some of our plans to fit a budget that was now split between 3 people instead of 10+ as originally planned. Overall, especially after negotiating our way onto a random bachelorette party bus, the night was a raging success.

Which brings me to my question. Next month, I'm in charge of setting up a bachelor party for my soon to be brother in law...and I know he would like himself one hell of a party. Here's the problem. His one brother is too young to drink and the other one would rather not have anything to do with such a night of "debauchery" - there goes the designated driver. Basically, anything slightly immoral, including gambling and anything that's over $30 including dinner is a no go.

So, then I figured I'd contact some of his old buddies, but have since realized he used to be very antisocial. The few times he is able to have a guys night, its usually just me and him grabbing a drink and occasionally meeting up with people I know, which are good friends of mine but hardly more than drunk, bar acquaintances for him.

Anyways, before I ask him, I wanted to get SVTPs thoughts and see if it would be acceptable to invite some of my friends along. I'm sure everyone would be game for a good party, and I'd like to give him the full bachelor party right of passing, but I just don't think it'd feel like a party with just me and him. At the same, being that this is his bachelor party, a part of me feels it might be disrespectful to involve people that he really doesn't know very well - even though I'm sure they'd treat him as the center of attention and all.

As far as the wedding party, its a destination Hawaii wedding so there really isn't even a group of grooms men either. What I desperately need is a group of his friends, but it appears his past antisocialness and his current time consuming career (which doesnt allow him to really develop any coworker bonds either) hasnt left him much in the way of buddies...

Thoughts? How do you think I should go about this? I think we'll grab a big dinner with his brothers and stuff to make sure his family is involved, but after that should I try and give him a "proper" bachelor party by involving some 3rd party friends of mine he's met and partied with a few times, keep it more g-rated so his younger brothers can be involved all night, or go out and party just the two of us? But then otd basically be him getting drunk and me driving...which seems awkward as a tag along and hardly a bachelor party.

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[pho_phizzat]

Sounds like the movie "I love you man"




I don't think I would invite your friends. Unless they know him.

 

[James Snover]

Keep it G-rated and invite his brothers. And what few friends he may have. If a bunch of your buddies show up he might think you were using his party as an excuse for your buddies to tag along.

 

[Mach828]

Depends on the guy. He might not be the type to want a real bachelor party. He might want tea with him and his younger bros. Or he might be counting on you to throw him the rave he never could. I'd figure that out first. If he is counting on you to throw him a real bachelor party, anything is fair game if he was always to antisocial to have a good group of guy friends.

 

[SVTORANGE]

Keep it G-rated and invite his brothers. And what few friends he may have. If a bunch of your buddies show up he might think you were using his party as an excuse for your buddies to tag along.

I agree^^

 

[Rct851]

First. You should let the brother who is "of age" know he sucks terribly and should want to help you have his bro a great time.

 

[soccerman002]

You need to ditch the idea of the "bachelor party out of a movie" and figure out what he's going to enjoy. When my best friend got married almost two years ago, I was the best man and I knew all the other groomsmen and vice versa, but one was coming from across the country for the wedding so he wasn't going to be around for a bachelor party, the other two guys are married with kids (as I am), and the groom is a pretty laid back guy and had been married once before. Rather than a night out that he nor anyone else was really interested in, we all chipped in and played 18 holes at one of the nicer courses in the area - good time and relatively inexpensive all things considered.

 

[Coiled03]

Why don't you ask your future brother in law? It's his party, after all.

 

[sunburned]

Depends on the guy. He might not be the type to want a real bachelor party. He might want tea with him and his younger bros. Or he might be counting on you to throw him the rave he never could. I'd figure that out first. If he is counting on you to throw him a real bachelor party, anything is fair game if he was always to antisocial to have a good group of guy friends.

This. Find out what he really likes to do and do that. Include his brothers for sure. Why do bachelor parties have to be 'nights of debauchery' involving strippers and cocaine?


I'm planning my own. Going to Summit Point racetrack for a whole day of go-karting, then to the nearby casino for the night. A few of my groomsmen want to hit a strip club, some don't. I'd rather spend my money gambling than throw it at a half-attractive naked chick that I can't touch.

 

[Satyr]

Why don't you ask your future brother in law? It's his parts, after all.

/thread

 

[coposrv]

10 of our friends just went to Vegas the weekend of the mayweather fight and kentucky derby. for 4 nights. 1 went to the hospital 1 physically lost 3 grand in cash and has no idea what happened. Another was PCd for dropping cocaine all over the floor of the hotel. We all agreed that 4 days was too long. No one felt right for a few weeks. Next stag party will be a little more laid back. Things got out of control. Tea a book reading sound more fun to me at this point.

 

[ElscottHavoc]

If a bunch of your buddies show up he might think you were using his party as an excuse for your buddies to tag along.

And this is exactly why I hesitated in planning this. I mean, I have the best of intentions in just wanting to throw him as great of an experience as I had - which he enjoyed attending - but while he's extremely laid back and probably wouldn't care who I invited I also don't want to appear like we are just using his night as an excuse for us to party.

On the other hand, as I mentioned, he greatly enjoyed attending my bachelor party (which would likely be a similar group of guys for his if I were to invite them). Over the past 5 years I've known him, he has really started to become more out going. His family life was pretty rough (which is why his brother is absolutely opposed to alcohol) and poor, and now he's making good money, has lots of confidence, and I know this new personality he has would really appreciate that proper bachelor party experience...and I know these guys would genuinely make sure he enjoyed it, not torture him for the sake of being their groom and their own laughs.

To be quite honest, there's also this part of me that fears if I don't throw him a proper bachelor party its gonna cause him to have a certain amount of regret about his past, perhaps hurt the confidence he's gained over the last few years. I should probably just talk to him about it, but not sure how to approach that situation. He's out going these days but he's still a "whatever" type of guy even if he really wants to do something - so even if he wants to go golfing, he'll say " whatever, we can just hang at home" because he doesn't want to disappoint his brothers. Maybe I just need to persuade him to go out on his nights off more often over the next month and invite him out so he doesn't feel like the group is such strangers on that night. That's assuming he ever gets a weekend off.

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[My Cobra]

Ask him what he wants.

 

[ElscottHavoc]

Oh, you guys are completely right, a bachelor party does not have to be a night of absolute debauchery and I'll definitely get his opinion. That said, if you would have seen him at my bachelor party, he probably enjoyed himself more than I did. We spent only an hour at a strip club, the rest of the night was at a casino, a few bars, we flirted with some ladies (nothing serious), shot some pool, and then went to the Iowa Speedway the next day for races. Let me also add, that his brother doesn't have a lot of money, plus an extremely controlling wife, and also despises casinos. Basically if either God or his brothers wife think something is slightly immoral, its a no go. That his brother can't seem to get more than 20 feet from his wife.

I'm not saying we couldn't enjoy our selves just relaxing on the couch playing video games, but I know he'd want to hit a few bars and do something fun that's going to cost money the rest of his family doesn't have . His dad was an abusive alcoholic, which is his brother doesn't drink, doesn't stop foot in bars, and has an over controlling wife that basically doesn't allow him out of her sight. That and they can't afford to really go out and do the things like go-carts, golfing, etc.

I think I have a plan that will work though. I'm just going to throw two parties. One will just be a g-rated, play some video games, go out and eat type of party for his brothers. Then, I'll have an unofficial one where I invite him for some drinks, my buddies show up which usually happens anyways, and then the night will go from there. I'll definately talk to him though to see if there's anything he wants to do in particular and if wants to go carting or something his brother can't afford we will incorporate that into the unofficial one.

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[ElscottHavoc]

Ask him what he wants.

Yea, I will. My guess is though, he's going to conform to what will make his brothers happy. If there's one night where he should be selfish and do whatever he wants to, this is it...but I'm sure he won't want to offend them even if he wants to do something more adventurous.

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[Rings]

Ask him what HE wants, don't let him know his brothers intentions...go from there. If you must after laid back time with brothers take him somewhere for a couple extra drinks and let him unwind.

 

[PoohBear]

Ask his Fiancee if she has any info on what your brother-in-law would like. I just did a bachelor party for my brother this past weekend. I knew he didn't really want to do Vegas, so I asked his Fiancee if she had any ideas what he might like. She told me that he had been wanting to try a brewery tour. So thats what I did. I scheduled a brewery tour for some of my cousins and invited some his soon to be brother-in-laws as well. After the tour we did a steakhouse and hit a bar afterwards. Nothing major but my brother really enjoyed it as did we.