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Discussion in 'Road Side Pub' started by Tunedprt91, Jan 23, 2010.

  1. Tunedprt91

    Tunedprt91 Well-Known Member Established Member

    Messages:
    3,375
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Location:
    Southaven, Mississippi
    The other day on the radio they had the owner of this site called dontevenreply.com on. Its basically a guy who looks at craigslist ads and messes with people heads. He will act like he is serious or interested in what they offer and then just go crazy. I figured some of you would like the site, here is a cut and paste preview.



    Christmas Dinner
    Posted at: 2009-12-06 12:21:18 | 265 comments | Add Comment
    Original ad:
    we need profesional catering for our christmas day dinner party. must have experence catering. SERIOUS RESPONSES ONLY
    From Me to ************@*********.org:

    Hello,

    I am writing in response to your ad looking for a caterer for your Christmas dinner party. I am a freelance chef with a lot of catering experience. I was the top chef at the world renowned Restauran de Bon Foodeux for over five years. If you are still looking for a caterer, let me know.

    Thanks,

    Michael

    From Brian ******* to Me:

    michael thank you for responding. what are your rates? we are expeting about twenty people at are dinner party so will need enough food for all of them. can you supply the food and we reembirse you? also do you have a menu of mealss you cook for us to choose from?

    From Me to Brian *******:

    Brian,

    Supplying the food will not be a problem. I have a wide variety of exquisite dishes for you to choose from, which I will list below. My rates are per person and it depends on the meal, but generally ranges from $20-$40 per person. Here are the meals I typically offer:

    La Nouille du Triomphe
    A meal of pure bliss and flavor - a delicious plate of ramen noodles boiled in the purest of water. Noodles can be flavored with either chicken or beef seasoning.

    Le Repas du Fromage Délicieux
    A mouthwatering bowl of easy mac cooked to perfection in a microwave. Served with a side of peanut M&Ms.

    Le Repas de la Faim de Grande Personne
    A delectably and savory microwaved TV dinner. The dish comes with two pieces of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, freshly grown vegetables and a satisfying brownie that is heated to absolute perfection.

    Le Sandwich Rouge
    A truly phenominal sandwich consisting of ketchup spread over a carefully microwaved piece of bread, and then topped with another piece of bread. Comes with a side of mayonnaise for dipping.

    Dessert

    Le Plat du Lait et de la Céréale
    A satisfying end to your meal, this dessert consists of a bowl of fruit loops served with either skim or 2% milk. Milk can be substituted with water for those on a diet.

    La Pâtisserie Bourrée
    Individually wrapped twinkies that have been microwaved to sheer delight.

    Let me know which meals you are interested in, and I can give you a quote on how much everything will cost.

    Thank you,
    Michael

    From Brian ******* to Me:

    what the **** you actully cater that shit to people ? yea im gonna serve easy mac and twinkies for christmas dinner are you ****in kidding me. my son in college could make that shit!

    From Me to Brian *******:

    Brian,

    The twinkes aren't for everyone. I understand if you are on a diet, but for me, nothing celebrates the birth of Jesus like a twinkie and some good easy mac. If you aren't interested in that meal, would you consider any of my other options? My personal favorite is Le Sandwich Rouge. That is also very affordable. For twenty people, it would probably cost you about $400.

    Michael

    From Brian ******* to Me:

    cut the bullshit fancy french names and call it a goddamn gross ass ketchup sanwich

    From Me to Brian *******:

    Brian,

    I am personally offended that you are insulting my masterpiece meals. These are perfected family recipes that have been passed down for generations of chefs in my family. Cooking is my art, and for you to insult me without even trying my work is just plain rude.

    Michael
     
  2. Finaltheorem47

    Finaltheorem47 I'm a Lead Farmer Established Member

    Messages:
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    Northern Virginia
    lmfao @ the dudes replies.
     
  3. Tunedprt91

    Tunedprt91 Well-Known Member Established Member

    Messages:
    3,375
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Location:
    Southaven, Mississippi
    Thats just one story lol. There are better ones im finding but I just started reading the site a little while ago.
     
  4. mblgjr

    mblgjr Pay Attention Boy! Established Member

    Messages:
    14,001
    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2003
    Location:
    Central Alabama
    Wow.

    Kinda wrong, but creative.
     
  5. Tunedprt91

    Tunedprt91 Well-Known Member Established Member

    Messages:
    3,375
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Location:
    Southaven, Mississippi
    More

    Helpful Mechanic
    Posted at: 2009-10-07 11:21:36
    Original ad:
    I have a 1998 nissan that rear ended someone last week. There is some minor damage that need fixed...but I cant afford to go to a body shop..anyone who is willing to help for less would be doing me a HUGE favor. thanks!
    From Me to ***********@**********.org

    Hey, how's it going.

    I'm a mechanic looking to do some work on the side, and I can probably help you out with your car. How bad is the damage to the car?

    Mike

    From Kristen ****** to Me:

    Hi Mike. The damage isnt bad...my hood is bent and i think the headlight cracked...but I took it for an estimate and they told me i was looking at at least a couple thousand for repairs. im not sure if they are trying to rip me off so take a look if you want. sorry...this is the best picture i could get with my phone

    thanks!

    Attachment: [​IMG]


    From Me to Kristen ******:

    Ouch...that doesn't look good, Kristen. From glancing at the picture, it is obvious you are going to need a new hood, fender, and headlight. It looks like your headlight is indeed cracked, and it looks like you probably severed the headlight fluid line as well. From the way the hood is bent, it looks like your transmission has been dislodged and will probably have to be replaced. Judging by the headlight damage, I may have to replace your headlight fluid pump as well, and I need to take out the motor to get to that. It is going to be a lot of work.

    How much were you looking to spend to get this fixed?

    From Kristen ****** to Me:

    wow i didnt think it was that bad...do you think you can fix it? i cant afford to spend alot of money on this.

    From Me to Kristen ******:

    I can absolutely fix it. I can probably steal the parts you'll need from a junkyard, but you will have to post my bail if I get caught again. Last time, bail was about $400 and I had to pay another $500 fine after court. As for the labor, it is going to cost you about $1500. Replacing the headlight fluid pump is very difficult, and will probably take a lot of time to do. So you are looking at anywhere from $1500 to $2400.

    From Kristen ****** to Me:

    ok thanks anyway. that is too much for me...ill just deal with it for now i guess

    From Me to Kristen ******:

    Kristen, I strongly advise you to get this fixed immediately. You will not pass inspection without a headlight fluid pump, and it is very dangerous to be driving without one. It is very likely that your car could catch fire and explode while you are driving.

    Look, I understand you are on a budget and I'd be willing to knock a couple hundred bucks off of the cost of labor if I can have your car's CD player. You won't get a better deal anywhere else.

    From Kristen ****** to Me:

    what?! the other guy didnt say anything like that. im going to get a few more opinions first, ill let you know. thanks

    From Me to Kristen ******:

    Don't take too long - your car is in immediate danger.

    From Kristen ****** to Me:

    I just called the auto center and they said there is no such thing as a headlight fluid pump...or headlight fluid...they were laughing...what is your problem douche bag?

    From Me to Kristen ******:

    Whoever you talked to there obviously has no idea what they are talking about. Look, you can see it in the picture, you are clearly leaking headlight fluid. I pointed it out in the attachment, it is what the red arrow is pointing to. You can see it leaking from the headlight.

    Attachment: [​IMG]


    From Kristen ****** to Me:

    Ok ass hole...thanks for wasting my time

    From Me to Kristen ******:

    Sorry for trying to save your life. You'll be sorry when that fluid ignites and makes your transmission explode while you are driving.
     
  6. txyaloo

    txyaloo New Member Established Member

    Messages:
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    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2004
    Location:
    Texas
    That site is full of amazingness!!! This one has been my favorite so far.

     
  7. ford_racer

    ford_racer King of SVTP Established Member

    Messages:
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    Aug 8, 2005
    Location:
    Bozeman, MT
    The cow rors with delight.
     
  8. Finaltheorem47

    Finaltheorem47 I'm a Lead Farmer Established Member

    Messages:
    2,154
    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2008
    Location:
    Northern Virginia
    lol this site is full of win :banana:
     
  9. 66speed

    66speed Ya dun goofed Established Member

    Messages:
    7,906
    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2004
    Location:
    Houston
    Omg im LMAO
     
  10. Tunedprt91

    Tunedprt91 Well-Known Member Established Member

    Messages:
    3,375
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Location:
    Southaven, Mississippi
    Horse Farm
    Posted at: 2009-07-14 15:12:55
    Original ad:
    I am a 18 year old looking for a summer job. it is hard for me to find work and I just want a job so I can afford a car for college next summer. I can clean, babysit, answer phones, pretty much whatever as long as it pays!!
    From Mike Anderson to ***********@***********.org
    Hey,

    I saw your ad looking for work and I think I have a job for you! I am looking for an assistant on my farm for the summer. It will involve working outdoors. Let me know if you are interested.

    Mike

    From Stephanie ******* to Me
    Hi Mike! I am interested in your job! I love animals and used to ride horses so a farm would be great! what kind of work would I be doing, and where is your farm located? it needs to be close to ******** so my parents can drop me off and pick meup

    From Mike Anderson to Stephanie *********
    Stephanie,

    It is very close to **********. I'm glad to hear you are familiar with horses, because you will be primarily working with horses.

    My farm gets all the old horses that other farms don't need anymore, and they are starting to take up a lot of room in my stable, which I want to turn into a garage for my new truck. Therefore, the horses need to go. As my assistant, you will be in charge of killing the horses and dumping them in the lake behind my farm.

    I used to have a captive bolt pistol (cattle gun) that I used to put them down, but it broke when I tried to use it to tap a keg. You'll probably have to use my 12-gauge shotgun to put them down. Sometimes they don't die right away when you shoot them, and will start freaking out. You just have to stay calm and keep shooting. Don't worry, I'll show you how to use the shotgun if you aren't familiar with one.

    You then need to use my chainsaw to cut the horses into smaller parts that you can carry down to the lake. It can get a little messy, so I suggest wearing some clothes that you don't care about, or some clothes that the horse blood would compliment.

    The lake isn't mine, it is my neighbor's. He gets kind of angry when he sees me dumping dead horses in his lake, so you have to make sure he isn't around when you do it. I have some cinderblocks you can use to weigh the horses down so he won't see them.

    I have a lot of horses, and each horse takes about an hour and a half to dispose of, so you should have plenty of work. The job will pay $15 an hour. When can you start?

    Mike

    From Stephanie ******* to Me
    omg that is HORRIBLE! That is truely awful and sick!! Why cant you just give the poor horses away? sorry but I am not helping you slaughter horses!!!

    From Mike Anderson to Stephanie *********
    Stephanie,

    I'm sorry if you are a bit surprised, but this is how farms work. You can't give away old horses, you have to kill them. I thought about it, and if you don't want to use the chainsaw to cut up the horses, you can just use my truck to drag them down to the lake. Do you have your license or permit? If not, this could be good driving practice for you. You don't want to pass up on this great job opportunity.

    Mike

    From Stephanie ******* to Me
    No that is not how farms work you are just SICK! I am NOT interested

    From Mike Anderson to Stephanie *********
    Stephanie you are going to regret this some day when you try to get a real job. I think this would look great on your resume
     
  11. Speedylifsavr

    Speedylifsavr Active Member Established Member

    Messages:
    1,291
    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2004
    Location:
    Bradenton , FL
    omg....the one about the horse....my stomach hurts from laughing
     
  12. Speedylifsavr

    Speedylifsavr Active Member Established Member

    Messages:
    1,291
    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2004
    Location:
    Bradenton , FL
    hahaha.....

    Xbox Repairman
    Posted at: 2010-01-08 12:16:03 | 84 comments | Add Comment
    Original ad:
    Broken Xbox 360? Red ring of death? Disc-read error? No problem! We repair broken Xbox 360s for $50 or less. Call or email ***-***-2811 or **********@comcast.net
    From Me to **********@comcast.net:

    Hello,

    I sure hope you will be able to help me. I'm not sure what is wrong with my Xbox but it will not turn on. I've tried plugging it in to a bunch of different outlets, but none of them seem to work. Do you think you can help?

    Thanks,

    Mike

    From Dean ****** to Me:

    Hi Mike,

    The outlet most likely has nothing to do with why your system won't turn on.

    I certainly can help you though. I will rectify your xbox and can have it back to you in a week or so depending on the problem. Do you live in the area or would you like to ship the console?

    Dean

    From Me to Dean ******:

    Oh my god, you are sick! I will not let you do that unspeakable act to my Xbox. I always knew that the internet is full of freaks and sexual deviants, but you have reached a new low. I thought your ad was for Xbox repairs, but I have been horribly mistaken.

    From Dean ****** to Me:

    Mike,

    I'm not sure what you think I was saying. To rectify is to repair or mend something that is broken. I was only trying to tell you that I would repair your Xbox. I am sorry for any misunderstanding.

    Dean

    From Me to Dean ******:

    Dean,

    Don't lie to me. I know what rectify means, and the fact that you want to do it with an Xbox is disgusting. I can't even imagine how it is possible to do it with something that big, or what kind of pleasure that could possibly bring to a pervert like you. Regardless, I want my Xbox to be fixed, not to be violated and returned to me covered in ass hairs and feces. I will just mail it back to where I bought it and hope that the warranty is not void.

    Mike

    From Dean ****** to Me:

    You clearly don't know the definition of rectify. I assure you I only want to fix your system.

    From Me to Dean ******:

    Dean,

    I don't even want to know what you mean by "fix my system." Leave me alone before I call the police, you pervert.

    Mike

    From Dean ****** to Me:

    I mean I am going to solve the problem that is causing your Xbox 360 to not turn on. That is all.

    From Me to Dean ******:

    Dean,

    Even if you did return it to me and it worked, I would never be able to look at my Xbox the same way. There will always be the thought in the back of my mind that you took it and violated it.

    I am going to post an ad warning other unsuspecting victims about the true disgusting motive behind your ad. What you are doing is sick.

    Mike

    From Dean ****** to Me:

    If you do that then I will post an ad explaining that you are a ****ing idiot that doesn't know what "rectify" means. Go **** yourself.
     
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2010
  13. Callaway Cobra

    Callaway Cobra speeding Established Member

    Messages:
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    Jan 25, 2008
    Location:
    Morgantown, WV, Callaway, Md (hometown)
    haha
     
  14. stangposse

    stangposse Active Member Established Member

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    Stamford
    This is awesome! The Jerky Boys would be proud.
     
  15. MattP 343

    MattP 343 New Member Established Member

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    Jan 29, 2005
    Location:
    Austin/College Station, TX
    hahaha!
     
  16. meaty mac

    meaty mac IDK what I want now Established Member

    Messages:
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    Apr 18, 2003
    Location:
    Toronto,Ontario
    LMAO!

    Dude's a genius :beer:
     
  17. terrible one

    terrible one American Made Established Member

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    Jun 26, 2003
    Location:
    Always Moving
    wow too funny and very creative.
     
  18. Camaro_94

    Camaro_94 Brown Recluse Slayer Established Member

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    Location:
    Hunting spiders
    The XBOX repair one was my favorite. :lol1:
     
  19. Julie GT07CS

    Julie GT07CS Active Member Established Member

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    Dec 27, 2007
    Location:
    Virginia
    LMFAO! The horse one, omg. Eeeeewww
     
  20. SVT F15O

    SVT F15O Rest night. Established Member

    Messages:
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    Feb 8, 2003
    Location:
    Connecticut
    That's some good shit right there!
     

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