And You Thought History Was Boring

OKC03Cobra

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Beer and evolution and other facts The two most important events in all of
history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel
was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern
civilization, and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity
into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain, and that was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can was invented yet, so
while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be
invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were
formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while
they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the
Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting
learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ and
doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became
known as girliemen. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the trade union, the invention of group therapy and
group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the
meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth,!
the elephant.

Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer
(with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water.
They eat raw fish, but like their beef well done.
Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another evolutionary
side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their
men.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the
designated hitter rule in baseball, because it wasn't fair to make the
pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for
their women. Conservatives are rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction
workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers,
athletes, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own
companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and
decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe that Europeans are
more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained
in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. The liberals crept in
after the Wild West was tamed, and created a business of trying to get MORE
for nothing.
 

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