Philosophical life experience type question

For those of that achieved a lot and lost it, Perhaps due to the economy, divorce or whatever, I have a question for you.

Did you pursue it all again? Did you reevaluate and change priorities?
Why did you choose the option you chose?

For those who haven't experienced it, hope do you think you'd handle it?

You do what makes you happy.

If you have to scale your life back, you scale back.

If you have to drop out and reset your life, reset.

Machdup1 said:

You do what makes you happy.

If you have to scale your life back, you scale back.

If you have to drop out and reset your life, reset.

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I'm not looking for advice. Just trying to see how people have dealt with adversity.
I know what my plan is. And it's not always "do what makes you happy" because you may not know what that is.

Halfway through a 15mo deployment things got to a point with my first wife that I honestly told her she needed to decide whether she wanted to be married or not. I couldn’t deal with everything on her end. I got an email two weeks later or so saying she wanted a divorce.

Came home, signed papers, had to figure out the “what now” BS. I was in a bad spot. Lost my grandfather right before deploying and we were close. My father ended up in rehab right before I deployed. When I got home and didn’t have deployment on my mind I lost my will. I was destructive as **** to myself. I welcomed death.

I met my wife and there was something about her. She made me want to be a better person for me. Sure, things aren’t perfect and it has been a struggle as she has had depression issues since our daughter was born. But I would not change a thing.

I have gone from focusing on the negative to looking for the positive no matter how insignificant. I have pushed a lot of people out of my life because they are negative.


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Quoting Jordan Peterson: "Pick up as much as you can and carry it for as long as you can."

Responsibility gives us purpose, so what are you responsible for? For me, when the shit hit the fan, it was the responsibility to my kids that gave me purpose. This gave me focus, so even though I likely was for shit at a lot of things as I slogged through the misery, it pulled me through to the other side.

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Had to completely start fresh twice and it was a bitch but has been worth it to. Right now Im stuck in limbo because the programs I need to apply to arent open for applications so I feel lost some days.


I always came back better and stronger after everything. Its a mental beating, but I learned I will survive it

Relaxed Chaos said:

Quoting Jordan Peterson: "Pick up as much as you can and carry it for as long as you can."

Responsibility gives us purpose, so what are you responsible for? For me, when the shit hit the fan, it was the responsibility to my kids that gave me purpose. This gave me focus, so even though I likely was for shit at a lot of things as I slogged through the misery, it pulled me through to the other side.

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Responsibility gives purpose...

That's why I am still alive. But I don't like it.

Meaning, if you're living for someone else, you're not living for yourself. I don't like knowing the things I do aren't because I want to, but because I have to.

It's hard to explain.

I fell apart at 20-21 and I have never recovered. I still can't pinpoint what happened but during my second summer of college I just lost myself. I had finished honors in high school/ap classes, etc. 3.9 in college taking chemistry, calculus, physics with the goal on becoming a dentist. Great family and friends. I had everything I could have wanted. Anxiety began to pick up and I began doubting myself. Depression followed. Confidence took an absolute beating. Ended up going to a psychologist and psychiatrist many years later (one of my biggest regrets is not going sooner). Pushed my friends and family away. Ashamed. Started to drink. Suicidal thoughts, etc.

I am now 35 and my life is a mess. I take a handful of pills every day. I really don't get out of the house. I don't have any real job skills outside of landscaping which is not something I want to do. My anxiety/confidence is absolutely shot. I am so disappointed in myself. I don't even know how to describe it.

Needless to say, I didn't handle it well and I haven't adjusted to it. I know what it is like to have a great life during my childhood until ~20. It sort of keeps me going knowing what life can be like. At the same time, it feels like my life peaked at 20. Some people never know what it feels like to be happy and I got to experience that for many years. I know 35 is "young" but I feel like an old man. I'm looking forward to the end of my time... "Well, hopefully I only have 30 more years of this shit until I kick the bucket." Then again, I could get T-boned on Monday and it would all be over which I wouldn't be upset with either. I guess we'll see.

velocicaur said:

I fell apart at 20-21 and I have never recovered. I still can't pinpoint what happened but during my second summer of college I just lost myself. I had finished honors in high school/ap classes, etc. 3.9 in college taking chemistry, calculus, physics with the goal on becoming a dentist. Great family and friends. I had everything I could have wanted. Anxiety began to pick up and I began doubting myself. Depression followed. Confidence took an absolute beating. Ended up going to a psychologist and psychiatrist many years later (one of my biggest regrets is not going sooner). Pushed my friends and family away. Ashamed. Started to drink. Suicidal thoughts, etc.

I am now 35 and my life is a mess. I take a handful of pills every day. I really don't get out of the house. I don't have any real job skills outside of landscaping which is not something I want to do. My anxiety/confidence is absolutely shot. I am so disappointed in myself. I don't even know how to describe it.

Needless to say, I didn't handle it well and I haven't adjusted to it. I know what it is like to have a great life during my childhood until ~20. It sort of keeps me going knowing what life can be like. At the same time, it feels like my life peaked at 20. Some people never know what it feels like to be happy and I got to experience that for many years. I know 35 is "young" but I feel like an old man. I'm looking forward to the end of my time... "Well, hopefully I only have 30 more years of this shit until I kick the bucket." Then again, I could get T-boned on Monday and it would all be over which I wouldn't be upset with either. I guess we'll see.

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I kind of feel the same way. Teenage year were great. I was good at school, and I was starting point guard in high school. I lived my life in my 20's as if death could come at any moment. I had fast cars and a sport bikes lots of parties and drinking. Somehow I made it through without dying. I don't really like kids and I don't want them. I often question why I'm still alive. I envy the people who went out on top. It is a very weird feeling that I have a hard time understanding a coping with. Now I'm a general contractor, but I physically worked in construction for 20 years. I know the pain that I have now is only going to get worse by retirement age. If I kicked the bucket tomorrow, I feel like I did everything I wanted in life.

I was once hired on as the IT guy for a shop called Racing Solutions. day 1 the new owner takes me out to lunch and tells me the president just gave his 2 weeks to go work for the competition (john hennessy). this was the beginning of john poaching all of our employees over the next few months while we were working tirelessly to revamp a shop with a lot of things going wrong.

I was the last guys standing so the owner offered to let me try my hand at the wheel and move it up to the dfw area. anyhow, long story short, a year and a half later was around 2008ish? yeah, so the owner was doing renovations and a guy vaporized 4 years of my salary on a build. I was laid off. it was humiliating and I had a firesale but then i realized i was burnt out. I hated the gig. i love cars but i hated lying to guys trying to sell them superchargers for their fast as shit vipers when they probably couldn't drive it at its limits stock.

anyhow, i turned down a job with higher pay to come home and work for some friends for a couple years. now i'm ten years into a career change (software engineer) and this is DEFINITELY my thing. i just had the best year of my life.

some poor souls go their whole lives without a crisis that makes them really question why they do what they do.

I consider myself blessed.

7-8 years ago I was working well above my pay in a job I had worked 8 years to get on a temp promotion. I was literally doing the job of 3 people because the other two were gone for extended periods of time. 7 months goes by and I am completely fried.

How fried? One day I locked the door to my office, grabbed my lunch box, turned off the lights and came seconds from walking off the job. I was beyond swamped, putting in 10-12 hour days and still being pushed to do more. I had finally hit the level of **** it!

What stopped me was my responsibilities and someone knocking on the door. Never found out who it was and they couldn't see me where I was standing. I told myself I had to get out of there or the place was going to kill me. At this point I was on doctor number 3 that had told me to find a new job because of my blood pressure and the stress I was under.

I turned the lights back on, pushed all my work aside and started searching for jobs that paid more than I was making at the time. I set a goal to make 1500-2k more a month. If I was leaving I was going to do better and prove my bosses wrong. They were always telling us to suck it up because we'll never find anything better.

In that moment I went from all in at work to doing the bare minimum and used every minute I could find something else.

I finally found a new field that met my financial goals. Problem was I lacked the OJT/education and I couldn't find anyone that provided it. After a few months I was finally pointed in the correct direction and started applying to the right places. Through applying I found out I needed some college so I found a program at a local community College that fit the bill and check some highly desirable boxes.

A year later I exited that job that I had grown to despise. We were living off my wife's income and my GI bill going to school full time. This was very hard financially but I was still on the same path and refused to look back.

Another year goes by and just when I was starting to panic because things weren't working out and we were scraping by. Our savings was being slowly drawn down and in 4 more months things were going to get ugly. By my calculations at the time we had 7 maybe 8 months left before we would have to sell our house.

Then early November the phone rings. It's a job offer for the exact position I wanted all along. I don't think the woman offering me the job had a chance to finish everything she was trying to say before I accepted it.

3 years of OJT later I am done and now have completed a very sought after training program that allows me to go anywhere I want. I am making 1500 more than my previous job to boot.

Another year goes by and I move on to an even better job. Better benefits, better schedule and even more money. I actually make about 1200 more than those asshole bosses I spoke about and it feels good. Especially when someone from my old job asks me if I'll come back and I tell them they can't afford me.

This wasn't the toughest moment in my life but the longest tough time. I put my head down and kept going after what I wanted. Am I smart? Not really. Lucky? A little. I think the majority of it comes down to determination and doing what is needed to get to where you want to be.

I did 20 years as an "Infantry Guy" (Forward Observer), in the Army.
Both Pre 9/11, and than 10 years Post 9/11.

Where would you like me to begin about life resets and diversity?

I look at my wrists daily and know how easy it will be...

Just haven’t done it..

Dusten said:

Responsibility gives purpose...

That's why I am still alive. But I don't like it.

Meaning, if you're living for someone else, you're not living for yourself. I don't like knowing the things I do aren't because I want to, but because I have to.

It's hard to explain.

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I guess I didn't think about it that way. I was not alive for someone else. I was alive for me, and I had responsibilities that demanded my involvement and attention, despite wanting to get the **** out of my situation.

I do feel trapped in my life at times, and I think that is normal as we age and responsibilities increase. When I do feel this way I try to reset my internal narrative, focusing on being grateful for all I do have, and assessing if I'm satisfied with where I am.

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1Kona_Venom said:

I did 20 years as an "Infantry Guy" in the Army. Both Pre 9/11, and than 10 years Post 9/11.

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20 years as a ground pounder are some hard laps around the sun.

If you have goals, stay focused on your goals. When life becomes hard, or mundane, remember these events or feelings are trying to prevent you from obtaining your goals.

Some portion of your goals must be to support or defend others. You can give up on yourself, but for those you love and or support?.

E

CompOrange04GT said:

I look at my wrists daily and know how easy it will be...

Just haven’t done it..

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Those are some dark thoughts. There must be something positive in your life, or something that you’re hoping to achieve that can push those thoughts aside.

PhoenixM3 said:

Those are some dark thoughts. There must be something positive in your life, or something that you’re hoping to achieve that can push those thoughts aside.

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I’m the opposite of what a guy said earlier .. I played sports and shit yes. But I did it to stay away from home due to my mother who had a different man every other day.

im a self sabotager. No matter how good things are... I KNOW they will get worse, so instead of letting them get worse on their own.. I make them worse. Whether it’s relationships, or a job.

Two years ago on my taxes I made $130k, now I make $70k I had a great job but I found reasons to hate it so I left it.

I’ve had a few AMAZING women in my life.. I ruin that.

It’s one of those.. my past will always dictate my future and I know it. To this day... I can say.. I can’t wait for the day my mother dies. Sometimes I’ve stopped myself from killing myself because I want to be alive to see her die. I know it’s dark but.. what she did to my childhood ... will live with me forever.

I've had plenty of should've could've would've with this thread. Same way i feel about the Army think about what would've happened if i was stationed stateside and not in Germany. Maybe I'VE would have done 20 years not barely just one term and say im out peace. I just wish when i was getting out of high school in 08 that i knew what i wanted to do in life.

Go for it all. Enjoy what you have, but always be moving forward.

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