Adjusting to Civilian Life

I realize this pertains to like a fifth of the board if not much less. Perspective however from either side of the fence is welcomed. The one thing I do love about this forum is the brutal honesty.
Last night at work with a splitting headache I sorta digressed in a few mental/emotional aspects. Let me be clear that I have never killed anyone, served in combat, have PTSD and in no means attempting to take any light away from those who desperately need our help. But realize that just because others need more help does not mean ours should not be addressed. I did serve 20 years of which 4 trips to the Middle East of three years, safe place for the most part...Bahrain. The issue isn't what I've been through but after 20 years adjusting back to dealing with Civilians. Few example....you think Bob a few cubicles down is a swell guy right...you guys do lunch periodically. Would you die for Bob? The aspects of Military life the highs and especially the lows we create bonds that are indescribable. I no longer have that, Civilian's..don't have that and I miss that camaraderie. Another....you know when I saw real racism for the first time? After I left the Military and came back to the Civilian sector. Blew my mind. So racist I had to put this guy in check immediately and rather firmly. Al I see anymore is White and Black. It's this little picture we see everyday because that's all there is. News Flash..when you're deployed around the world (insert black guys name) is your brother...another American, one you would die for. Leaving that mindset to come back to this small picture sucks ass. I honestly hate this touchy feely atmosphere where I can't even be myself. I wonder if the touchy feeling is killed early on in a Military Career. Maybe I'm just not a bitch and never have been. I text my wife last night from work and asked her if I she felt I had anger issues. I've literally about jerked 3 people out of their vehicles for stupid shit. She said I was just having issues adjusting to Civilian life. I retired in 13...why is this coming to a head now? The political stance of this country is so jacked up right now that that doesn't help. That in itself is another discussion for Smack Down cause I'm not getting through that without choice words. Everything seem so dull..leveled out..blah.
That's the tip of the iceberg...sorry if you read through that...appreciate it though.
Time to go wrench on the Mustang.....

Maybe you’re not cut out for civilian life? The military and having a set protocol might be more your thing. Not bad at all. If I had to have gone into the military I know I would have hated it.

It's called Juxtaposition. It's really a neurotic tendency all of us have to some degree. Don't beat yourself up over it Shane.

What you're going through happens to everyone. Your specific examples are contrasting Civilian to Military life. Absolutely valid and real.

Happened to me when I went from turning wrenches/running an automotive service counter to suddenly being in a Corporate suit and tie. I was used to talking shit with Tech's all day, wrenching after work, and generally more blue collar. Then I graduated with my Bachelors, got the big boy job, and struggled for a few years with the differences. I found myself speaking poorly/unacceptably in an office environment. Being more honky tonk blue collar in a white collar environment has good and bad sides. But certain things are more acceptable than others, and the brotherhood you tend to establish in a shop environment does not translate well to an office/board room.

Try this, you are still military. The rest of the world is the enemy, foreigner, non American, etc. Your job is your mission. Deal with each issue, as your objective.
You have to stand head above everything else.
It will take some time, but I will bet you acclimate.

Thanks for your service!

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It made my transition easier when I jumped from one uniformed crew into another when I worked for the AZ Dept. of Corrections afterwards.

Talk about team bonding.

When it's just you and a couple of dozen shift-members against a yard of 200+ convicted criminals, you learn to trust each other REAL quick.

What's funny was, at least half of my old shift were veterans themselves, so that made it even easier.

Sounds like you need to grow up and deal with it.

I think first step would be to stop calling non-mil people civilians, you've been a civilian for 5-6 years.

Thanks for your service and best of luck to you.

Life sucks, you pay taxes, then you die. Happiness is a choice.

*edit*
I'm reminded of people I grew up with that had moved from another location. "Man back in ___ we did this so much better," "god I hate this state," "people in ___ are so crazy, we never had to deal with this in ____." If all you can do is complain about how shitty where you're at is and how much better it was where you came from, then go back; you're choosing to be unhappy here.

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i got out a few years ago after being infantry. It most certainly isn't easy. Being in such a structured job, and pretty much being told what to do 24/7/365, to getting out having nothing but time on your hand is a major culture shock.

And yes, civilians are soft, generally pretty unaware of the world and have no idea what the Military is like. It sucks when they ask you about it. Just smile and nod, smile and nod.

Thank you for all you did.

have you tried any extra curricular activities such as marital arts? thank you for your service

Blown 89 said:

Sounds like you need to grow up and deal with it.

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Ahhh..that brutal honesty...kinda why I made the post...to deal with it. But I refuse to grow up...it's a trap.

Russo said:

have you tried any extra curricular activities such as marital arts? thank you for your service

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I have not, but I could use something other than car stuff. I work 2nd shift..2PM-10PM. All I do is work it seems.

Buy a motorcycle and join a veteran biker club.

Blackness03 said:

Buy a motorcycle and join a veteran biker club.

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I've owned 6, my first was a Christmas present from my Grandfather. 440 Belt driven Kawasaki. I later wrecked a 929RR at 80mph and caused some good damage to my shoulders one required 4 hours of surgery. Nice little battle scar to go with it. That got me into Mustangs...no regrets. If I bought another it would be Harley I think, just for the thrill of riding again. After one year long deployment the Freedom riders met us and escorted our bus back to base. That was awesome, returning that favor wouldn't be a bad idea. Oneday...I just may...thanks.

Here is my .02. If you are easily offended, don’t read this.

Most civilians have never sacrificed a day in their lives for something greater than themselves. Most could not even provide an example of true sacrifice in their lives if asked.

Most have never known true hardship or opposition and are only willing to put the minimum effort forward to get through the day.

They have known no mission in life and are confused by the concept of a mission in general.

The concept of dying for the person next to them is completely foreign to them.

They work less than eight hours per day and if you asked them to work a 24 hour shift during an emergency, they would quit.

At the same time they want to complain about the minimal effort they put forth and want you to think they are sacrificing. They want to claim everyone is a hero for doing their job.

So here is the deal. You cannot change them and you cannot change you. It’s their life, you do you and let them do them.

You can only silently view them with derision and do the best for you that you can do, while getting what you can out of them. Find the folks around that have similar view points and do not engage with the lessor forms of life, unless they are smoking hot and you are single.

In that one case, exception can be made on a temporary basis.

Well Said, very.

It takes me time to process stuff thoroughly. sometimes whats happening is I'm waiting for the dust to settle to see what is actually going to remain unchanged. if you got out of a professional military career in 13 and its now half a decade later but it just hit you that you long for that brotherhood i'd put money on you trying for those five years to make it work. now that you see how petty and stupid are outside of the rigorous structure of pro-military sector you're annoyed as all hell.

because you want bob two cubicles down to want to die for you to save your life if push comes to shove. we all do. unfortunately that isn't realistic. it isn't even realistic in the military. if you had seen combat perhaps your perspective would be different in that you'd have seen people fail to live up to that standard instead of living with this idealized version of what could be in your head.

what you want comes from a place that is genuine, you were created to long for community, that's how God made us, but the thing is, you can have that. marriage. kids. a gospel centered community of believers. these things will scratch that itch much more thoroughly than what your previous career did but the thing is, it'll cost you. everything.

in the military it is expected that you may have to lay down your life for someone else but in civilian life to have what you want it is absolutely required that you DO give your life to that end.

so the real question, in my mind, is: why are you wasting time on people who do not fulfill that desire?

Stay away from all social media and news sites - your life will be much better. Frequent this site for the brutal truth and opinions that matter. There are a lot of "grounded" people that lay it down like it is here. Protect yourself and family. I too miss the brother/sisterhood while serving! Bob (no one in particular).. the one with Cheetos stuck to his face...sorry bud..hope your spiritual fitness is in order.

I got into sales when I got out after 20. My boss called me Sgt Slaughter because I was so brutally black and white in addressing any subject. It takes time to pick up the shades of grey. I will say that I wasn't even aware that I was doing it and when made aware, was able to chip away at it.

Hardest part for me was talking in the PC world i didnt know, and my let's work with what we got and get this shit done so we can go drink beer attitude didnt help either lol.

Finding clothes each morning was difficult at first. But i wear scrubs to work now so problem solved lol

Seriously find a hobby other that cars....dont leave cars but find something that changes some each time...like fishing and hunting

Dont expect people to understand what you have seen and done and how you worked....they cant unless they have been there...I loved my time at 5th fleet btw

Weather Man said:

I got into sales when I got out after 20. My boss called me Sgt Slaughter because I was so brutally black and white in addressing any subject. It takes time to pick up the shades of grey. I will say that I wasn't even aware that I was doing it and when made aware, was able to chip away at it.

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I still am...was before i went in.
My father and I were not a lot alike but its very obvious that I'm his son

As an RN I only see "dead" and "not dead" same way I did my intel briefs in the Navy...everything else is black or white